here is MY idea....


obviously these sad people dont want to be happy..so leave them to this thread to bitch about how sad they are..and SKIP over it

The darker side is found in engagement, whether in anger or anguish, it's in casting yourself into the fire, not pulling the blanket over your head. Psychedelics are not necessarily all about peace and love and the otherworldly, there is a harder, darker, earthly and primordial side to them. Unfortunately, the few times this ever makes the history books is in its most grotesque forms, as in the case of the Manson family. It's doubtful however, that the shamans of the ancient world pursued the use for the sake of peace and love. Camaraderie, reverence, and joy are perhaps better terms for the lighter aspects of psychedelic use--especially in communal context (in which SWIM most often finds that peace and love are beside the point)--but the insight and energy store in psychedelia is not always bright and flowery (rarely ever, for SWIM, in fact) and is often hard and and ridden with anxiety. This darker side can turn out fairly anticlimactic, dreary and loathesome if approached in a half-hearted manner but if taken far enough with great resolve, can prove most cathartic.


Morphane and Maymay, nihilism is an exhausting revelation to cope with, eventually you just have to say 'damn it all' and enter the fray, living your life as a fierce last hurrah in the face of absurdity.

Thanks for your post, endlessness, I really appreciate it.

Of course you are right: all of us have our dark side. The distinction I make between 'dark beings' and 'light beings' does not mean that we are pure black and white. What I mean is an inclination, a generic approach to life and spirituality. In this context "dark" doesn't mean bad. I know that I am dark, I sense the devil inside me, but I would never act it out. I would like to approach it, getting as close as possible, perhaps even unite with it - without yielding to it. I don't like those people who become the devil, who become possessed. I think those people lose the opportunity to *understand* how and why the devil works. That's what interests me. Because I find the existence of the devil highly illogical. I feel there is a secret, a "primordial schism" lying there at the bottom of that dark ocean, in the soul of Lucifer and if this secret was known then the devil could be healed, transmigrated into Light.

(Think Darth Vader vs. Luke, if you will. Or American McGee's Alice. It's the same story.)



Well, I know that I'm seeing people in the most positive light possible, so this may not be the truth, but in my point of view Morphane just gave the same advice as Antrocles gives all the time: let go. Because after giving up and curling up and dying, what happens? You fall down, yes, for sure. And then you reach the ground. And then you lie there wondering what happened. And then you realize you have solid ground below. You don't have to keep yourself together anymore, because the ground supports you. It was a nightmare all along which you - in your final despair - managed to get rid of. Doesn't this sound like the beginning of a new life?

Why is it real?

Why is your serotonin images 'real?

Same reason DMT is 'real'.

Good stuff guys
Ty

You are one of the few who came close but not quite,you are very close,very very close and what you said is almost a perfect description of what I was thinking the moment I posted this...''I think people who take DMT are like people who like finding spoilers for movies or read the last page of a novel''...but you missed it by -( )- this much,you missed something but I can't find words for it,read carefully what I wrote read and link all the questions and you will know exactly what I meant,you are very close...the rest,meaning 90%, got it wrong and you are twisting it too much...I can't put it better than this so read carefully: I am not overwhelmed by the truth and information,I don't want to sound arrogant but something went wrong and I know why I am here now,I don't know why you or others are here but I know exactly why I am here,and I pretty much know what awaits me after all this is over...the problem is this,I agreed to do this but with one condition:erase every single bit of connection to what I truly was before,everything...and now someone feels like teasing me to take a shortcut,and that is not what I agreed upon...I simply want it to stop teasing me and let me decide for myself...I can't explain it better than this sorry,Morphane came pretty close but something is missing

I need to explain why I chose Morphane...not for the whole reply but for that particular bit with the spoiler...so don't go twisting things again...thank you I explained myself as clear as possible in the reply above so read carefully next time that's all I can say

maymay,

Thank you so much for this thread. You have set the Nexus on fire! These issues clearly resonate deeply with many of us here.

I have walked the streets with food money to find public, pay-for internet access that will allow access to an adult site. Interesting process in the "hick ghetto" where I live! Thank all that is good that I will be permanently moving back with Nemo Amicus within two weeks!

I cannot open separate windows, which is going to limit my ability to make quotes or even be relevant. But, I think the guy who said lobotomy was one answer to your dilema was right.

I know about hearing the undeniable call that penetrates all aspects of life, conscious and unconscious alike. I am not a shaman. It's just that some of us need healing. Some of us are not satisfied with the reality tunnel that our dominant culture has tried to cram up our assess without the benefit of lube. Yeah, we are much more "tortured souls" than the rest of those zombies walking around on auto-pilot.

I chose the lobotomy route for 20 years! Here's what you do: Give up all entheogens. Begin drinking alcohol and caffeine. If you are a nicotine consumer, indulge. Buy those 700 calorie cheeseburgers. Drag your sorry ass to your shitty, meaningless job, then drag it home, abuse your family (verbally, financially, physically, whatever). If you still feel unsatisfied, . . . "ask your doctor!" Get a 'script for anti-depressants, anti-anxiety, insomnia, erectile dysfunction, restless leg syndrom, wtf syndrome, you name it. Still looking for something? Join an Earth-bound church or cult that cultivates a strong sense of us & them, ingroup and outgroup, such as the Mormons. That ought to do it. That is until you get to the end of your life (or for me the end of a phase of life) and you begin asking what you did and what it meant and what you learned and what you believe as you face the final, ultimate, unknowable transition. . .

Please don't wait 20 years! Please don't wait until the end of your life and find you have regrets! Was it mumbles who said Buy the ticket and take the ride? I wish I could just hand you 250 mg of clean, white spice. Your decision would probably be much easier . . .

Yes, speaking for myself, DMT can change EVERYTHING. It is that powerful, that personal and that unknowable. Hmmm, . . . almost sounds like that final life transition I alluded to . . .

It seems to me from your posts that you are craving a radical change. You have sensed that something isn't right and you have gleaned a possible clue/avenue to what might be an answer.


Which leads me to the reaction to Morphane's post:

Whoa, whoa, whoa people. WTF?!? Are we only as good as our last posts? I don't read all posts, and I smoke a lot of cannabis, but I am able to remember what people post and what their general themes are. My sense of Morphane is that he does not have access to the spirit molecule but is very interested in matters having to do with spirituality and philosophy. His avatar, like mine, seems to change with a regular degree of frequency.

Why, insead of auto-slamming him hasn't anyone asked the question that has been on my mind all night?:

MORPHANE: Are you okay? Did something happen? How can we help? Just a day or so ago you posted:

Seems to me that our human experience is geared towards guiding us toward the middle, or moderation. This is my impression of what Epicureanism, Stoicism, Buddhism and many other great philosophies teach. My addiction is the God of Christianity, yet time and time again I discover that when I cling onto God, or anything - it dies. It dies like breath, so you learn to exhale. By letting go, it comes back. Thus the road to enlightenment becomes the learning of letting go. Breathing.

. . . .

. . . .This is why I trust the spirit molecule. . . .


I felt the way you do a year ago. I used to say that when I died I'd be extremely surprised to meet the Christian "God," but that if I did the motherfucker had better open immediately with an explanation and an apology otherwise, I'd cuss him out while insisting on being sent to "hell."

DMT healed me of this.

I remember a couple of months ago, before Nemo Amicus started using again, his being concerned about my coming back to psychedelic use. But, one thing he commented on with a sense of joy and marvel was how my anger seemed to be gone. I told him nothing could heal me of it completely but that I felt so much better. Felt like I could live out the second half of my life without spiraling ever-down into depression, pain, meaningless and lobotomy!

Yeah, DMT feels kind of like a shortcut or a spoiler. Some of us NEED this. The hurt and injury has penetrated our selves so much that it is nearly able to touch our SOULS. DMT made me realize that I HAVE a soul. I am INFINITE. This life and reality are a clever 3-D illusion mediated by physicality, the body, biological processes, etc. There is more here than is visible to the eye or instrument. A place where a part of us remains. The place we will return to . . .

I have been shown magic and wonder. I still do not possess faith. I own certainty.

I am left with a sense of my extreme and utter smallness. I revel in this. I no longer need to change the world. I can work on individual interventions and make personal differences. I sign my posts Peace & Love not because I believe that's what makes the world go 'round. I am not that naive or stupid. I think I understand human nature in all its beauty and ugliness. Peace & Love are the ONLY things worth fighting for (how ironic - fight for peace). The ONLY things worth DYING for.

This was a cheat/spoiler that was MORE THAN WORTH IT.

Peace & Love,
Pandora

I was in the chatroom today and people were slamming him and this thread. It was disgusting and really shocking.

pandora, once again thanks for the awesome post.. About morphane, you are right, and I appologise if I came across wrong towards morphane.. Its indeed a good attitude to instead, try to be understanding towards him and ask why of his position and see if we can offer any help

and the rest of the post was also great

I just want to close this because we are beginning to hurt each other and I don't want that...I wanted to bring together like minded people into a debate not into a fight...so please STOP REPLYING because some of you started to twist words and hurt others PLEASE STOP,do me a favor and STOP REPLYING,I apologize for this post next time I'll keep my uncertainties for myself...

wow, this is the first time ive read through this.

maymay

this touched me.

whilst reading I melted into the poetic and almost spellbinding narrative.

at face value I saw this post as incredible and creative whilst touching on the fears, doubts and insignificance many of us feel here on the nexus after being exposed to such mindblowing and fabric of reality ripping magic .

Here is why I am here, why I have created myself, and how MayMay, and don't quit now.

Psychoactives present a paradox, many of them, each one in varying degree of importance, relevance to life, and how negative or positive they can make us feel.

One of them becomes what is right?

I used to ask myself, am I doing what is right? But how can their be a 'right' all reality is just based off 'yes' and 'no' i.e. a particle is here? Then this reaction happens. A particle is here? Then no reaction happens and this will cause a chain of events for eternity, which is what Chaos Theory defines. You effect everything, and everything effects you.

Yet there is something even more unbelievable than Chaos Theory, something even more fundamental, deep, and meaningful(less?); Determinism.

If you study science, you eventually come to a supreme conclusion; there is no chances, no random events, no luck, no changes that can occur in our universe. Everything... is pre-determined. That means since the beginning of time, if there is such a thing, all events, psychological, neurologica, cosmic, microscopic, and everything inbetween has already been predetermined, and if you take this even a step further, time is no longer necessary for reality to exist. This is so jaw-dropping - it does in fact mean that time, in the way we perceive it, i.e. linearly, and in one dimension, is an illusion. There is no reason that we shouldn't be able to observe our entire life and inevitable death all as a spontaneous reaction determined by the laws of nature, and given a dimension of time to carry out within.

So how can there be a right, and a wrong? There can't, in fact, you can't even change anything you have done, or will ever do - our free will is an illusion, at first, and immaturely this is terrifying, this is reason to look upon the earth as bleak; "I am nothing but a subsystem of a subsystem of a subsystem that has already played out it's cosmic movie reel on some higher dimension of time."

But here it is: There is something so beyond this, so persuasive for me to exist, and experience.

It is the fact of observation, the possibility that the universe goes on infinitely large, and infinitely small. This, in combination with chaos theory creates an unknown, an almost mystical reality - to regain that childhood ideology that there is something more. If the universe is contained by a fractal, i.e. it's size is infinitely large, an infinitely small, the impossibility of measurement to exactness creates a divergence - this divergence creates... how can I Say this, free-will, determined by an infinitely large series of events.

This, of course is a purely mathematical view of the universe, here is my more... hyper-real explanation.

Since we are experiencing the universe such as it is, with the time we have, we have choices as to how to view it. We can frown upon it, or we can look upon ourselves in eternal bliss. It is up to you and I how that is determined, it is up to us, the gods and creators of our reality to determine the state and opinion of what we are housed in, what house we have built, and what house we can build.

It is possible, that by changing our ideas, our thoughts, that everything before us, and everything after us changes, in a profound manner:

Determinism still exists, yet by changing your mood, you have changed all memories tied to you, the universe, the laws, and life.

In essence, I will say this, and take this as deep as you can, as I mean it thuroughly and truthfully, metaphorically and physically:

You. Are. God.

One thing SWIM would like to point out about DMT being a shortcut is that it's only as much a shortcut as using a computer to communicate, using vehicular transportation, taking vitamins, or cooking with appliances (cooking in general, really). This is called transhumanism, this is the way in which science can accelerate individual growth, and is the spirit so sacred that it must remain stunted like a hitchhiker refusing a ride? No, SWIM contends that it's so sacred that it should not be denied such "shortcuts."

SWIM considers his body, mind, and manner of living as sincerely spiritual endeavors and doesn't consider that he has a soul apart from that, so if he is to use the fruits of science and industry to enhance himself in the more common manner, why should he deny himself the immense possibilities presented by a substance like DMT?

"True perfection seems imperfect yet it is perfectly itself. True fullness seems empty yet it is fully present. True straightness seems crooked. True wisdom seems foolish. True art seems artless. The Master allows things to happen. She shapes things as they come. She steps out of the way and lets the Tao speak for itself."

"Men are born soft and supple. Dead they are stiff and hard. Plants are born tender and pliant. Dead they are brittle and die. Thus whoever is stiff and inflexible is a disciple of death. Whoever is soft and yielding is a disciple of life. The hard and stiff will be broken. The soft and supple will prevail."

The Council decided to put Shala on Earth, so that she may experience what it is like to be a human being and learn something important that can be learned only as a human being. But Shala forgot about her original mission, rebelled against the human condition and now takes every opportunity to escape instead of taking up the responsibility and doing the job she was sent for.

Cellux,you got it...in a short form my post would've looked like this...but I couldn't stop at this, I wanted to describe the feeling that was eating me from inside...there you have it someone found the matching words to describe my feelings in a short form thank you cellux

Once again Jorkest sums it up perfectly! Some people are very attached to their suffering and feel like they need it to define them. It actually makes 'em mad when you imply that it may not be necessary; see many posts above.

Maybe someday they will come around; until then It's a waste of valuable energy to try and change them (this doesn't apply to people looking for help or advice with pure intent, just the wallowers).


Pokey the Cynical Realist

Unfortunately it's true, misery is addicting, it makes you feel seperated, unique, and above other's in a very negative way, however it still defines you as an individual. It's unfortunate, and even with that realization, it is still not easy to just... 'be happy'.