Dear DMT Nexus,
“When you get the message, hang up the phone. For psychedelic drugs are simply instruments, like microscopes, telescopes, and telephones. The biologist does not sit with eye permanently glued to the microscope; he goes away and works on what he has seen.” - Alan Watts
Perhaps the most difficult time in a psychonaut’s life is not challenging trips themselves, but the period of reflection that comes after them. Perhaps it’s the idea that these lessons are beyond language- and largely understanding. I’ve learned enough to know that total understanding is futile, I am at peace with the unknown.
I have had trips that teach me lessons about myself. They have shown me difficult truths I had overlooked for too long. Borderline painful criticisms of myself that took weeks to even begin to accept. But I’ve been caught off guard by the trips that don’t teach anything at all.
And as much as my ego doesn’t want to admit it, DMT is a personal enigma.
Of course, expectations are futile when it comes to psychedelics. But my experiences with DMT have been so far from the norm of trip reports, it has left me with more confusion than anything else. People report sailing waves of the cosmos, meeting foreign beings made of infinite love. What I experience is far from that, and while it’s certainly a very special place, I can not help but be almost disappointed. Every time I smoke I go to that same place and get the strongest feeling that “this is all there is.” I know there can be so much more to DMT, but I feel like I can never “most past” that place and that feeling.
I want to thank all of you kind people in this community for the advice and support you have given me throughout my journey thus far. This community is sincerely the kindest group of people I have ever met on the internet.
This is not a goodbye, I will continue to seek my understanding of this strange substance. This has just been a step back for me, to look at my life as a whole, and decide where psychedelics fall under it. Passionate expectation can be blinding to the real truth.
For now, I'll continue to enjoy the strange reality of our own, with it's so-called "time" and cause-and-effect.
Until next time,
Lamp
"And if I claim to be a wise man, it surely means that I don't know" - Kansas