Recently I experienced some consequences around my use of cannabis that made me want to take a hard look at my relationship with it and as a result have modified that relationship and my use. I don't need to get into the particulars of the consequences as it isn't really relevant to what I want to say now, but suffice to say that while it is indeed legal in the place I live, it is still not on a list of "approved medications" for some employers. Nuff said.

Cannabis has been an ally of mine for a very long time, and it has been easy for me to remain calling it that even while I misuse it. I call it "part of my recovery" because i thought that it was helping me scratch an itch that in a way helped me stay away from my drug of choice, which I DO NOT have a good relationship with. But along with a lot of other things, I was deluding myself. I was using it to give myself the feeling that I was doing inner work while in reality it was helping me avoid it. It is just psychedelic enough, even with daily use, and I often get these "aha!" moments I think are personal breakthroughs, but which I can't really put my finger on, and they vanish. Like smoke, perfectly enough.

It is also easy for me to continue misusing it because I have never "chased the dragon" with it; I still can have the same experiences, more or less, that I had when I first started using it. It seems like it is just kinda what I need it to be when I need it to be that thing for me- a mind-dulling stare at the wall drug, something to make a good time even better, a powerful entheogen capable of producing a transformative experience, and on and on. It is up to me to wield it properly for the given time in my life.

I was afraid to stop using because I did not want to experience sleepless nights, which is fear of withdrawal. I spent money on it instead of other more beneficial things that I could get through other means, like food. It was demotivating me in many ways and allowing me to avoid really doing the hard work I need to do. With this last year and being forced to take a long, horrifying look into the dead eyes of my own mortality, that work is more important to do than ever for me, and I didn't want something like weed standing in my way of being the me I want to be.

I feel like an ass saying some of these things. I am a hardcore (inactive) junky, and saying I have a problem with weed is just...ugh.

That said, while I see my misuse of it as being just that, I also now see it's potential as medicine. Maybe more beneficial to me in the same ways as a "classic" psychedelic or at least as much so. Short-acting and introspective and gentle. After clearing my system for a couple weeks- and that is clearing my 6% body fat, 112 lb system of it- I went for a meditation walk and smoked one good size puff of a nice purple strain- Mountain Girl something-or-other. Within a second I felt it impact my brain and I was hit with a wave of emotion that I was able to connect with their somatic center AND with deep seated traumatic memories. I am never able to do this, and aftermy illness it has been even harder.

I was able to finally see some deep roots of my experience that I had literally been blind to before.Things I didn't want to see. And left with a clear picture of what it all was, like a somatic memory roadmap to being OK with living. Along with this, the understanding allowed me to give myself a break, and I think it help me finally seperate the dead voices shoulding all over my life that have been trying to annihilate my personhood from day 1 from the creative one that is my own. Left with a tearful gratitude for being here, now that has been absent from my life for a very long time, I felt refreshed and the pain in my shoulders and neck that has been unrelenting, relented for the first time in literally years. I didn't even know how much pain I had been in now that it is letting up. Again, particulars are not relevant to this post. I just want to say that cannabis has revealed itself to me as the powerful medicine that it has the potential to be, and I am grateful for it.

That was really beautiful null24. Thank you so much for sharing that.

Now, more than ever, I totally agree with you. I've been meaning to write a post sharing recent deep psychedelic journeys that I've had as part of some of my guide-work studies. My relationship has changed dramatically since then as well as my perspective (both of which were in the flux of augmentation before the experiences were had. Some of these changes really started occurring when I began interacting more with DMT.). I'd always seen it having medicinal value, and used it for such at times. But there was also plenty of time that I just wanted to be high no matter what I was doing. Now, it's pretty much only used as an adjunct to my meditation session, for psychedelic journeying and exploration, to help sleep, high CBD strains for anxiety, and as a nice way to end my evening.

One of the things I like most about psychedelic states brought about by cannabis is the highly somatic aspect. During the journeys I've recently had, I lay in stillness and awareness, focused on my breath (after ceremonially "imbibing" several tokes (evocatively) of a blend of high THC strains). Soon after the start is when somatic effects take place; energetic discharges in my body. Sometimes it's mild, other times, in deeper experiences, it is quite a lot to handle, with heavy tremors, spasms, convulsions, etc. occurring throughout the body; sometimes in a localized area, and then moving around. Other times, the entire body. What's great is the amount of autonomy and control one retains relative to the depth of the experience. If it becomes too much, you can easily move to shallower water. Though, staying with the hardest parts of these experiences is the most beneficial.

Also, you're not an ass for saying anything. Anyone can have a problem with almost anything, be it drugs, food, or certain activities. It's okay.



One love

Any time is a good time to take a break from using certain substances daily or even weekly. This is normal and healthy and allows your body and mind to refocus. Cannabis has been used as a human medicine for at least 5,000 years, most likely much earlier. Just because your doctor or medical association does not recognize the fact that Cannabis is medicine does not make it any less true. The medical mafia has lied about and prohibited the use of Cannabis for most of our lives, in most countries throughout the world. The fact remains, Cannabis is and always has been a powerful natural medicine with many many uses, including being a potent neuroprotectant. One of the benefits of taking a break from daily or weekly use of Cannabis for a month or so is that once you start using it again it tends to work much better and require less of it to work properly. Good luck to you on your journey.

I have similar love hate relationship with cannabis (oil). I feel it is both things- can be psychedelic medicine, oftentimes feels more like/is used as a vice drug like alcohol or opiates or whatever. It definitely has some addictive properties. I would have laughed at the idea of mj withdrawal before I became a daily/chronic hash oil smoker. It is a real thing, if I stop smoking I get bonafide physical (not to mention psychological) symptoms such as sleeplessness, upset stomach, no appetite, irritability.

I should take breaks, smoke less, smoke flower instead of oil, I know I should, I often say I will. But I seldom do. I've smoked a gram of oil a day for several years now. I've saved a lot of the packaging and containers maybe sometime I will take a picture of it all. Eventually I plan on papering the walls of a room with mylar.

Sometimes, I get so stoned that I sit on the couch and don't do a goddamn thing...

Having tried nicotine, alcohol, morphine, cocaine, amphetamine and a bunch of drugs known for being highly addictive. THC definitely comes off as an addictive drug that's prone to causing dependency, unlike DMT, psilocybin and mescaline, IME. This is one of the things which separates it from the group of aforementioned drugs collectively known as psychedelics.

If I'm not mistaken cannabinoids have also been know to cause the overexpression of ΔFosB, a gene whos overexpression is heavily implicated addiction-related neuroplasticity in the reward system, in turn producing characteristic drug seeking behavior. This is true for all reinforcing drugs like cocaine, amphetamine and nicotine as it is for cannabinoids such as THC.

All drugs have medicinal uses independent of their legal status and most of them tend to be double-edged swords. Take morphine for example, it provides us with the power to help the dying pass away in peace for those with terminal illnesses such as cancer but it can also cause ungodly pain and suffering for those whom are dependent on it. THC is no different IMO. It can be used as a recreational and medicinal drug alleviating symptoms of anxiety, depression, nausea, insomnia, etc... But it can also make those very things worse as tolerance grows or you run out of supply and are forced to go without it.