Good day, dear DMT-Nexus community.

At the beginning of my message, I apologize for the inconvenience and my poor knowledge of English. I am well aware that this is the wrong place for such a topic, but if allowed, I would like to try my luck because I really don't know what to do and I believe that I will find intelligent and helpful people here.

It is not my goal to waste your time or to bother you, but at best to find a solution. I fully understand if my message is too long and you have no interest in reading it. I respect this decision and ask you to forgive the harassment.

I am a relatively young man who was born into a very alcoholic family with various facial and body deformities. In addition, since childhood I have mainly fed on processed products (mostly sugar and white flour). This combination has resulted in complete degeneration.

Despite several surgical interventions, most of the damage could no longer be corrected. Please do not get me wrong. I do not follow a sedentary lifestyle, but always try my best to participate in "real" life every day.

When it comes to the external appearance, I pay attention to short, clean finger- and toenails, white, straight teeth in connection with a tongue scraper (morning and evening), a freshly shaved face, an upright posture thanks to the standing desk, fresh, simple clothes, full hair, physical activity (endurance and weight training) and wholesome, organic food (mainly lots of vegetables, fruit in all colors, fermented products such as sauerkraut, purified water and animal products such as game meat, eggs from hens and quails, bone broth, wild salmon, sardines, raw milk | butter and cheese). Occasionally nuts that are soaked overnight to reduce "anti-nutrients" such as phytic acid in this case. When I sleep, I do not use artificial light in the evening (for melatonin, pinoline or REM and SWS cycles). Complete renunciation of nicotine, artificial sweeteners, caffeine, fast food, medication, illegal substances, soft drinks and alcohol only on special occasions such as birthdays or weddings, etc.

In other words, I pay close attention to the microbiome and follow Weston Andrew Valleau Price's dietary guidelines.

Nevertheless, I am teased every day by people on the street (insults and social exclusion due to my deformations + unattractive facial features). While other people all start their own families and get married, I am alone and socially isolated with no hope of a future.

People like me would have been dead for a long time without medical help. Nature would immediately exterminate me because of "bad genetics". Unfortunately, that is the brutal truth. No value for a society, so to speak.

Because of this, I want to finally end this life and commit suicide. Before that takes place, however, I want to dare to do an "experiment" and try a strong psychedelic substance (e.g. N,N-DMT) to see whether there is still hope, which I cannot believe.

Since I'm almost dead (at least psychologically), I want to get the most out of this experience. To this day I have not used any psychoactive drugs, but I have noted a few points that are said to enhance such an "adventure".

- some nootropics like Piracetam, Noopept, Selank, Semax
- sexual abstinence for several weeks
- "Dieta" (raw food without any spices or herbs)
- medicinal mushrooms (Lion's Mane, Chaga, Reishi, Cordyceps)
- nutrient-rich algae such as spirulina and chlorella (cracked cell wall)
- Consumption in complete darkness (with a vaporizer such as Glass Sherlock VG) for the purpose of the pineal gland and natural release of DMT.

Everything in high doses.

Do you have any further tips or advice for increasing a "trip"? I'm already at the end, so it wouldn't matter if it leads to death. I would be really happy about your answers.

Thank you very much for reading my message and all the best to you and your families.

-Agápē

You will quickly find out that there is beauty beyond compare that resides inside you.

Hey friend, i just wanna say, no matter how dark things may seem, there is, ime, always a brighter side. I myself have had thoughts about suicide in the past, and i for one don't have an issue with "a way out" if it's what one wants and they've thought long and hard and clearly/maturely about it. With that said though, i think it should be a last resort, and that people should give things time before coming to such a conclusion. I've had my own struggles, but i'm at that place in life where, while things aren't great, they're not bad, i'm better off now than i used to be (thanks to Aya) and i actually want to live now.

With that said, DMT may or may not give you what you're looking for, i can't say, i've mainly used DMT orally with Harmalas, or smoked it in the form of Changa (DMT+Harmalas), but haven't had pure smoked DMT. It's certainly worth a try imo, but i think you're better off going through the process of oral Aya, which would give you more of an in depth journey. Keep in mind, none of this is a "magic bullet", you could have an experience that gives you a new insight or understanding or perspective that could turn things around, but at least with oral Aya, it's more of a process and journey, and it can take a few years of dedicated use/work to really make some progress, but it's certainly worth the try imo.

Me, i started with Aya in 2012, took it daily/near daily for 4 years straight, a bit excessive lol, but i had my reasons. I stopped taking it because i had things in my day to day that i needed to focus on, and even in the years after taking it things were still unfolding for me and i was still "growing", things didn't really start to settle down for me until like last year. So, both with and without the medicine, growth takes time, readjustment takes time, therapy takes time, learning takes time, it's a process, a practice, and a path, the Aya is just the tool.

Make no mistake, if you use this kind of stuff, and go inwards, focusing on the body, mind and soul/spirit, there are benefits to gain, and a reconnection with yourself to be made that can give you "light". This "light" is basically like connecting with your soul, or "higher self", from which meaning, understanding, insight, gnosis/knowledge (mainly about self), love/acceptance and so much more can be obtained. It can take time for the layers of yourself to unravel, for things to unfold, for you to open yourself up to receiving these things, but basically just gotta get the mind out of the way and let the higher intelligence within the body work it's magic.

There are things worth living for, all we need is a perspective shift, and a shift in mentality, which isn't easy for most people, especially without these kinds of tools. And, unfortunately, even with these tools, some people might still remain unaware of parts of themselves, so some may not find the "light" within, but a serious seeker who learns the way should find it, imo. I stumbled upon all this stuff quite by accident, things just came to me, but there's things that exist within ourselves that are there, even if people are unaware of them.

Basically, i suggest just taking some time, a few years or so, to explore oral Aya, be open and receptive, develop/use discernment, and explore/experiment, see what all comes up. Psychedelics may be a quicker route than something like meditation or yoga, but like meditation/yoga for serious practice, it takes awhile for things to unfold and for you to learn and gain experience and such. So it's by no means a quick fix, it's a practice, you may get benefits from the get go, but there's so much going on in the Aya space that you really need to go through the process/journey to more fully benefit from it. People going to the jungle to take Aya a few times and go back home expecting things to be dandy, is why people tend to think it's some sort of magic bullet, but most of those people don't pursue it as an actual practice and still don't really know much about it, or about themselves. So it's better to pursue it for the long term, rather than expecting a short term solution. You may get a solution in the short term, but the work doesn't stop there.

This stuff, imo/ime, is worth it, it's really not as bad as some think it is, and life isn't really as bad as we think it is, like i said, sometimes all we need is just a shift in perspective and mindset. Just know, it's not a linear process, you'll have some ups, you'll have some downs, you may relapse sometimes, i mean it's work, it's work to stay conscious lol. But if you reconnect with this deep part of yourself and have some of these more mystical and ecstatic experiences and gain deeper understanding and insight into things, i think you'll find life getting better. Outside circumstances may keep us down, but ultimately it's what's going on inside that is most important.

So don't give up just yet, take this path/practice seriously, give yourself about 5 to 10 years to thoroughly explore the Entheogenic realms, even try different Entheogens (DMT, Ayahuasca, Psilohuasca, Mushrooms, Mescaline/Cacti, LSD perhaps, 5-MEO-DMT maybe, etc) but find you the sacrament/tool that works best for you and thoroughly explore it, sooner or later, you should have some very interesting experiences which have the potential/possibility of making you feel more truly alive and want to be alive. I hope you find your way man. Pretty much all i did was just take the plants, worked with them, had no real expectations, and just took this stuff to see what all it did, over time, shit just happened, things came to me, i went through different kinds of experiences, i've grown over the last decade since i found it (both from Aya and just in my day to day, over time) and now i'm in a fairly good place in life and way more stable and centered and have a far more positive outlook.

First, I think things will shift dramatically for you once you engage this molecule. I'm looking forward to that for you.

Second, people generally kind of suck, as you've learned based on your percieved treatment by others.

Third, live your life, don't worry about the societal standards around you, eg, getting married, having kids, etc. There's so much going on and to engage with outside of that kind of paradigm.

Fourth, add harmalas to your experience.

I feel for you. This community is caring. You've taken a powerful step in reaching out, and you can count on people here wanting help you. Myself included.

One love

Considering everything you said, it would probably be useless for me to simply say something like:"don't commit suicide".
It is not up to me to decide whether your life is worth living for you.

But i think i should urge you to consider the following: sometimes things happen to us, that make it hard for us to see life in any other way than just one, single, very narrow perspective.
While it doesn't have to be only this or that way.

You are alive. You are breathing.
That is the only thing that's realy certain.

Most of the other things are only in our head.
And it is not that this makes them any less real to us.

But you're alive, you're breathing.
That's all you're certain of.

You're alive, you're breathing.
And that is all there realy is right now.

You're alive, you're breathing. You're alive, you're breathing. You're alive, you're breathing.

And you're breathing, you're alive.

And that means a lot. It means a lot because it means everything.

Is everything enough for you to live for? Only one person can tell, and that's you.
But don't forget that you're alive, and that that means everything.

You can choose to embrace it. Or not to.
And you are the only one who can decide whether the world, everything, with all it's pain and sorrow is good enough, is worth existing.

It can be a dark world. But it is the world itself, existence, everything there is, you're talking about.

Have you seen enough of it to decide it's not worth it?
Maybe you have, or maybe you haven't. Only one person knows, and that's you.

But right now you're here, and you're alive. And that means everything.
Please consider that.

Since I am not sure where you are from, here is a global list of suicide hotlines. Please reach out before making any permanent decisions.

High dose psychedelics have often been compared to near death experiences and can catalyze powerful shifts in perspectives on life and being in this world. I'll be interested to hear your thoughts after having the experience.

Do you have access to DMT already? Have you looked at how to extract and use it effectively? I'd advise trying it (or another psychedelic like psilocybin or LSD) on their own before exploring combinations or potentiation.

Very unfortunate to hear your story and thoughts..

I think you did the right thing coming here to ask for advice.

This is what I personally think could happen in regards to taking psychedelics in your situation:

1) It won't change anything
2) It will make you less afraid of death
3) It will give you a new outlook and desire to keep living

If these are the options then you have little to loose by trying psychedelics. Do note that some psychedelics can make you feel worse (while using it) by surfacing traumas. This is usually regarded as negative and is referred to as "a bad trip". But in reality it's a therapeutic process. Especially mushrooms and ayahuasa can have this effect, they work on the emotional level. nn-dmt and 5meo-dmt blast you to space and/or past death and have little psychological /personal content, but give other insights and experiences.


There is no need to make the most potent psychedelics more potent. But there are ways to get the most out of the experience:

1) create a good set and setting
2) choose the correct substances
3) make sure your method of administration is efficient

Set and setting:
Plenty advice about this can be found online.. be in a good warm clean place, nice music, no disturbances, mentally prepared, meditation, healthy diet.. but even better: ayahuasca ceremony (finding a good one is very important).

substance:
mushrooms / lsd (I would start with this)
ayahuasca (dont try this alone, especially in your case, find a ceremony)
nn-dmt (vaping)
5meo-dmt (vaping) either at home (synthetic) or better at a ceremony (eg. Mexican toad shamans).

Administration:
as for nn-dmt the easiest route is to create changa and smoke it from a bong. for 5meo a glass crack pipe works. my personal favorite for both is the emesh.

So.. If your want to try psychedelics, do so! But like you said, make sure to do it right. And that takes time. Time for research, preparation and integration. Only then will you get the most out of it. Smoking a massive dose of dmt one time and that's that probably won't solve anything. work your way up. integrate each experience. redo at the right interval. try various substances, see which work for you and which doesn't. Then go deeper into what works. my advice / estimation is that this journey will take 1-2 years. If only you can give yourself that. I truly hope you do.

Hey man. I used to be suicidal. I came very close to the act on a couple of occasions.

I won't waste your time with my life story or my opinions on yours. I think you should do it (DMT). Ayahuasca or a tea analogue will be your best bet for duration and intensity. At the correct dose it will be an intense and terrifying journey no matter what you do, given your deep traumas. That said, you will almost certainly find it worthwhile.

Whatever you decide to do after I hope you find some beauty in this world and in yourself.

Hey man,

I have been through some stages in life where I seriously considered ending it too.

You said that you have "bad genetics" and have "no value to society". I think this is utter nonsense. You clearly have above average (maybe far above average) intelligence: this is clear from reading your posts. You are also young. Intelligence is not something that you are just born with; you need to make it grow. And when you are young, you have great potential for growth.

You don't know how much life has to offer you. No one has everything, everyone has faults and imperfections... But everyone has strengths too. If you shouldn't be here, then you wouldn't be. You are here now.

As far as the dmt is concerned: it will be strong enough on it's own. It's a good idea to not take it on a full stomach. It is also a good idea to maintain a healthy diet, and general physical well being, for as long as you can leading up to it.

Let us know how it goes.

Society is crap, you should never orient yourself on that. Its sad to hear that you are so misserable a the time, i would like to know if youve tried dmt or other psychadelics before considering such a high dose.

Ive been very depressed in my early 20 and psychadelics changed my life. I think in most cases depression is not really an illness in you brain but just a legitimation for suffering.
Most people suffer because of society i think and some becasause the got bad starting conditions.
For me and most other people who did the fly, psychadelics will heal more the modern medicine around depression will ever do.
Also a high dose of mushrooms alone on my own brought the best results for me.

Fly in peace.

How are you feeling right now? Many people have replied to your post, and i hope that the things said here where usefull to you.

You are welcome here, to talk about these feelings you have.
It is safe here for you to talk about them.

We are just an internetcommunity, we can't do magic, unfortunately.
But you may feel better if you talk about the things that brought you here.
It may help a little, to talk with us.

We don't judge you.

The community is here for you.

Also, to echo Dragonrider :

If you feel like talking in real time (or "realer" time) drop in to the chat. It's the button in the upper left hand corner that says chat. The chat room can seem like it's dead sometimes, even if there are people signed on, they might be afk, but if you wait a few minutes somebody will usually reply (time of day might effect how active it is).

This might be especially helpful if you decide to take some psychedelics. When you come back down from them you might want to talk to someone and get feedback and have a conversation.

I hope everything's going as well as can right now.

Hi Agápē!

Im sorry to hear of your difficulties.

Maybe along with your regime include some meditation, yoga and pranayama?

Listen to some Thich Nhat hanh? and Alan Watts? Drink tons of green tea.

Stick with us a little longer. Im glad you are here with us on this wild ride

You don't need anything to enhance the DMT except harmalas if you want to go DEEP for LONG.

DMT alone will already bring you somewhere in your mind and spirit that you've never been to or experienced before, you might and are likely to not come back the same at all.

I would also recommend a high dose of ayahuasca if you can do that.

Thinking about you.

Would really love to hear back from you in this thread Agape. ( Apologies for not being as good on the keyboard as you are, I don't know how to add the accents to your screen name. Looks great the way you did it though.)

I think you got all the working advice you need on the DMT potentiation. On that, my suggestion is not to smoke it but take an oral preparation with a harmala admixture. In my experience a longer experience is far more helpful to get what it sounds like you are looking for from your post, and smoking freebase just kinda confuses me in the long run. Although, you just might find something fascinating enough and so incredibly strange that you are gonna want to stick around a little while to make at least an attempt to wrap your head around it...Nevermind, smoke it, drink it, whatever.

I really don't know what to say about how you feel other than I know you are hurting really, really bad. Yeah man, it hurts, I know it does and it's okay to feel the way you do. You sound pretty special to me though and I don't give a f@ck what you look like- Hell I don't even know and don't care!

How are you right now? Can you drop a post and at least let us know what you think of the practical suggestions if you don't want to go any further?

Peace.

I think you have a strong sense of survival inside you..

Dont let bad people make you feel bad!..

Your as good as anyone else on earth...You want to survive!!....thats why your telling us about the negative thoughts...

Your asking for help..and thats good~!..there are a lot of good people on this site..and in your daily life if you look for them..

If you try DMT i would start light. with some nice piano music .it can help many people in ways... but DONT expect any drug to change your life...

The positive change is alrerady inside you! ...the drug can help to bring it out... all you need to do is want this change for the better ..and it will bring light into your life...

Dont give up...brighter days are comming for you!

I hope you are doing OK.

It is true that psychedelics may help you find a new and meaningful perspective on life, but betting it all on a single DMT trip is probably not wise. Just from reading the experiences on this forum, you can see that it may take some practice before DMT starts giving you something back. On the other hand, mushrooms have the potential to provide meaningful insights and perspective changes, even for first time travelers. If it absolutely has to be DMT, you might want to consider using ayahuasca. No matter what you do, try to find a guide or at least an experienced trip sitter. There are online resources that can help you with that almost anywhere in the world.

Physical appearance becomes increasingly less important as you age, so suicide might very well be a permanent solution to a temporary problem. Psychedelics may be able to help you to embrace who you are, love yourself, and find true meaning in life. But until you get there, knowing that there is a way out can be incredibly helpful. I recommend you read the book “Five Last Acts – The Exit Path.” The book teaches the reader how to end their life without pain and suffering. It may seem paradoxical, but many who have read the book have discovered the courage to live. Knowing that there’s a way out means that you are no longer trapped. Instead of being forced to live, you make the conscious decision to live, and that can make all the difference.

Love

This probably seems like a stupid reason to hang on, but as someone who has been suicidal for the majority of their life, it's quite often the stupid reasons that keep your hand off the trigger for a few more days, and those stupid little things can add up.

I myself have just started on the Weston Price diet,and I would LOVE to pick your brain about it. I am finding it as fascinating as it is difficult to stick to, and if you'd like to find someway to talk, share stories or swap recipes I am completely down.

Regardless of wither or not you respond, friend, you are in my thoughts and prayers. Much love to you. <3

Focus on helping others. The world is the way it is and people can be cruel, they can also be very beautiful. If you would like to see this beauty, you have to actively find and engage with it. Create the beauty you would like to see in this world. You could help many people that suffer with the same deformities by speaking about it. Tell people your story! I would like to hear what it is like for someone like you who has suffered in a unique way. I want to know about it so I can better understand what drives you to think of suicide. We all suffer in this world, some more than others, you sound like you have a tremendous amount of life still in you waiting to burst out into the world. Use this medium to vent, tell your story, reach out, communicate what is going on and perhaps you will find another way to look at this life.