PRE-CONDITIONS
(mind)Set: Desperate for a change
(physical condition) Set: Physically was feeling pretty good. I had been drinking a lot of kava and harmalas throughout the weekend.
Setting (location): My home, living room, favorite chair.
time of day: It was late morning, nice day, had just come home from the beach where it was so windy our umbrella broke.
recent drug use: Kava the day before, sublingual rue a couple hours prior, and a one-hit of some sativa about an hour prior.
last meal: Some prosciutto about an hour before.

PARTICIPANT
Gender: M
body weight: 78kg
known sensitivities: None
history of use: Fairly experienced.

BIOASSAY
Substance(s): Rue, changa, DMT cart
Dose(s): 65mg of changa, followed by a couple lite puffs on the DMT cart a little while later.
Method of administration: Smoked the changa in one toke in a glass pipe, gentle mouth-to-lung puffs on the cart.


EFFECTS
Administration time: Let's say 11am
Duration: .25 hours (this is the part that destroys my mind)
First effects: Immediately felt the body high wash over me and the start of the trip was a thought loop that split into two separate thoughts, then 4, then 8, and so on, like a fractal.
Peak: The universe was visually expressing acts of creation, and the true nature of duality, like a living yin yang.
Come down: complex geometry, and this is the phase in which I like to take a puff or two on the cart to come back up.
Baseline: Was back to baseline within an hour. After about 15 minutes of intense journey, there was about another 45 minutes of feeling like a pleasant, 2mg mushroom trip.

Intensity (overall): This was definitely a 4
Evaluation / notes: Not really sure what to say here. It was one of the most profound experiences I have ever had on this stuff and it wasn't even an ego death experience.

OPTIONAL
Pleasantness: 4
Implesantness: 1 (in the beginning it was a bit uncomfortable because fear)
Visual Intensity: 4
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AFTER-EFFECTS
Hangover: 0
Afterglow: 4


REPORT
For weeks I have been struggling with attitude challenges. I have been feeling like my attitude has been crap, I have been searching for a perfect moment (where everything is right for something be it surfing, a journey, intimacy, whatever). I would plan to do something and then when the circumstances were not ideal, I would cancel the plan and sulk. I hadn't had a decent journey in a couple of weeks because "the setting just wasnt right". I hadn't done ay of the things that I intended to do this weekend because "the circumstances were not ideal". This is a general attitude I have been struggling with for a while now and it has had a major impact on my overall mood and behaviors.

I cam to the conclusion that I need to practice some acceptance. To truly accept the situation for what it is, as it is, in this moment, or be patient in waitng for the moment to be perfect. I certainly wasn't going to have perfection right now, so what was I willing to do, because I can't change it. I can either accept it, or patiently wait for it to change. I am not a patient person, and there is no guarantee that I will ever see the circumstances that I deem to be ideal. So I knew that acceptance was the answer. So I prayed, and I sweated, and I worried, and I meditated, I prayed some more. I basically asked the medicine to teach me acceptance.

The trip started out like many of my recent trips have, with a sort of weird thought loop. I went into this experience ready to accept whatever it decided to show me so even though I was immediately afraid of where this would go, I settled into it and let the show go on. The thought divided into two, then four, then 8 and so-on like a fractal, showing me glimpses of all the experiences I have had up until now like a fractal. Every time the thoughts would split, like new cells, there was a visual demonstration of impossible geometry and then it would all come together again to form the thought fractals.

In true as-above-so-below fashion, the universe was showing me how it was all related. It showed me how a tear is formed and released from my eye (it's doing this as my eyes are watering, and I('m basically crying in awe of this display) in very similar fashion to how a baby grows and is born, or how stars form, plants grow, etc. Then things got really intense and it was like god/the universe was saying, "look at this"... "look at alllllll this". "How could I worry about all those little things when I have all THIS to allow?" And all of this is happening just so it CAN happen. So YOU can happen.

I AM THAT I AM SO I AM was the message on repeat for a while.

The medicine showed me that not only is life miraculous, but that it is all happen so that it CAN happen, BECAUSE it is happening, SO it happens, I and other are one, etc. And all of this was shown and explained like I was 5 and the universe even said "I know you need this broken down for you so I'm to explain it as simply as I can". At this point I'm exploring the world on the cellular level, but I could see higher and lower realms as well. The geometry began to get so complex that it became more of a living texture, like a substance that was fluid and it began to segment itself into difference colors of hyperspace ethereal goo and the good was sort of pushed and formed into basic shapes separated by colors, each color of the chakras, and the symbols in each color compartment were so simple, so basic, but so much. There were a hear, a smiley face, a peace sign, and others. I felt at first like the universe was mocking me, then it said it indeed was because how could you not laugh at all this absurdity? It really strange and silly, but it really is this simple.

Stop trying to change things. Stop trying to perfect yourself. Stop trying to perfect life. It is already perfect. YOU are already perfect. Just let it be as it is and move toward joy and love because it is absolutely possible, and you deserve, to live a life of joy and harmony.

At this point I was slipping into the comedown phase. I could feel the visuals starting to dim, so I took a puff on the cart. As I held in the hit, I could feel it expanding the trip. Colors were getting brighter, shapes were getting more complex and I could feel them like they were shooting through me. It was incredible. I waited a couple of minutes while I watched this miraculous visual expression grow and engulf me. I could see it, hear it, feel it, I could feel every ripple, every pulse of light, every fractal. I could feel the cells in my body moving and operating this incredible organism and I could feel the higher and lower realms doing the same things, the macro and micro. It was so incredibly intense and just felt so good. It took me while to really come back down even though the CEVs were dying off. I was floating in and out of meditation as I began to settle back into waking resonance.

At this point I still feel like a pleasant low mushroom trip and decided to grab the didge and what happened next was a gift. I could feel the sounds that I was making as they mimicked the trip I just had. with every tone and vibration, I was kicking up different parts of the experience and for the first time, I felt as though I really retained the entire trip and was actually bringing these things back with me. I discovered some new techniques on the didge and even designed my own style of calligraffiti, all while meditating on the experience.

There are so many little details that I still remember from this experience that I could probably write a book, taking readers down different rabbit holes, but I think this write-up sums it up as best I can.

Thank you for reading.

Much love y'all.

That was a great read - thanks for sharing.

Now you know, "The perfect is the enemy of the good".

Thanks for reading. And yes, I cried for a bit when I realized the truth of this obsession of perfection and this need to change. I've been rejecting myself all along and I didn't even see it. This is definitely a big one. I even carried this limiting belief into trips with me and didn't realize I was doing it. Not surprising then that this is the first time I feel like I retained at least most of the trip if not all. There were definitely moments, probably full of things that my monkey brain can't process lol, but I feel like most of it stuck this time. If I had more patience and more time in the day would write detailed descriptions of some of the things that I saw and felt. Normally I am left with feelings, a few big details, and a general message, like a summary and that's all I can remember. Something definitely changed this time, for sure.

I am It.

I relate to this. For weeks I have been struggling with my attitude. Perhaps it is time for me to take a journey. All I have is 5-Meo-Dmt, so I do not think harmalas are in the question. Same thing though, if circumstances aren't 100 percent ideal, I feel as if it is not even worth it, and I am finding that there is never a perfect storm as I would hope. Have you put any of what you learned into action yet? If so, how was your attitude changed? Do you think the Kava helped you come to this realization, or do you think it being recently ingested to be inconsequential? And do you think the 5-meo would help me to achieve what I am looking for? I just feel lost at this particular point. My life is great, mostly, but I always feel like something is lacking. I really need a reset.

Sending love to all of you.

Soham- I am that I am
Hamso- That is I, that is
Vedic mantra

That was a beautiful story of realization, understanding, and growth. Thank you for sharing it with us.

One love

Thank you for your vulnerability. It is not easy to say "I need help" or "I am struggling". Definitely don't mix harmalas with 5-Meo, but from what I have read about 5-Meo, I feel like you would get a lot out of it should you choose to launch. I have been literally taking life one moment at a time and not just facing the moments but also observing my own mind and body in the moment. If I happen to notice myself leaning into the frustration, I stop myself and remind myself of the truth. The ride to work this morning would have been MUCH more stressful without this newfound understanding/attitude, so yeah I do feel like I am putting it into action and integrating it well.

I do feel like the kava helps, but not in the way the DMT and harmalas do. Kava provides more of a sense of well-being and reduces anxiety, but I was still so nervous that I would even say terrified. I also feel like that adds value to the experience as well, the gift of desperation. The more desperate for change and healing, and the more terrified I am, the more intense and healing the experience will be because that is my vibration at the time.

I am very much interested in how you move forward in your moment so please keep me updated on what you decide to do and what the results are.

My pleasure and thanks for reading. Lol my trip reports tend to be long winded. Love those mantras. Thank for sharing those. I think I may use the Soham mantra in a calligraffiti piece. The concept of I and other being one is something that I have had a very difficult time integrating but I can feel myself accepting that truth more and more, to the point that I want to express myself differently, change my social media names, and completely change the way I represent myself as I move away from old ideas. It's all very exciting really, being inspired again.

Indeed

Thanks for sharing. Great report

Thank you for reading.

1 LUV