Almost four months have passed since the first step I took on the journey to understand the Spirit Molecule better.
I’m 33 now, and I thought of myself as an experienced psychonaut (not anymore). I was always interested in the other states of consciousness and the more spiritual side of life, so to speak. That led me to a path of searching for a means of exploration and testing how to experience more and, if possible, manipulate my local reality. My experiments included periods of meditation, energy work, autohypnosis, a few LSD trips and around 30 Cubensis trips, some of which I considered heroic (7-8 grams and more), and, of course, the most important of the components: magick. Chaos magick, to be exact, was my thing for 17 years, then I found out about the Greek Magical Papyri and started performing old rituals, as well as I could.
And then it finally happened. DMT, which I heard about before, suddenly came into my life and for the first time I had the opportunity to test this compound in a ritual context. Sure, I had my time when I took mushrooms for fun with a group of people but over the years my attitude changed drastically, and now I’m taking them only as a part of a ritual. And so, when I had very inconspicuous looking 40 mg in my pocket, I decided it’s time to do it. For a few months I was circling around the idea, known in the occult society as Knowledge and Conversation of the Holy Guardian Angel. That night I had the perfect opportunity - no plans for the evening and an empty apartment left after my grandmother passed away. I was preparing for the ritual very spontaneously.
Feeling that this is my last time in this space, because the apartment will be sold soon, and noticing an empty, strange space, devoid of my grandmother's essence, I decided to say goodbye. Wandering around the apartment, I started talking to her, knowing in my heart that she may hear it. I asked her to watch over me and help me wherever she was, I thanked her for how she was and raised a toast in her honor. I took a bath in an old bathtub, going back to my childhood memories and noticing that my body had changed a lot since then. Bathed, a bit nervous and struggling with my thoughts whether I really should, I proceeded to perform the ritual.
I didn't have much up my sleeve. Only the substance and my memory, in which only the Lesser Banishing Ritual of the Pentagram remained, and the introduction to the Headless Rite. I had no prop with me, nothing to help to set the mood, like incense or candles. I sat in a meditation position in the middle of the floor, checking the directions in the room beforehand. I sat down to the west, looking towards the balcony. All the lights in the apartment were off, and the curtains were drawn. I meditated for a few minutes. I tried to slow my breathing and my pulse. With half success. It's always like this for me before taking psychedelics. I feel excited and anxious, but over the years I've learned how to accept it. I stood east. My movements were automatic. I placed my hand on my forehead, and the word began to vibrate out of my throat. Vibration spread throughout my body. The pentagrams were drawing themselves. I imagined as closely as I could the blue flame, angels standing on my side, a horizontal hexagram bursting out of my solar plexus. Then I only acted as I could. I stopped north. I touched my right hand to my left, then to my right, then to my left temple again, and recited with vibration: AOTH ABRAOTH BASYM ISAK SABAOTH IAO exactly six times. Next was the formula: "Subject to me all daimons, so that every daimon, whether heavenly or aerial or earthly or subterranean or terrestrial or aquatic, might be obedient to me and every enchantment which is from God." I felt a vibration and an elevated mood in my mind and body, there was no room for fear and withdrawal, I spent too much energy on this action. Next I said what my intention was, I do not remember my exact words, but I asked for contact and understanding, a conversation with my Holy Guardian Angel.
My breathing quickened, I sat in the meditation position, saying “let it be so”. I started smoking the DMT. The taste was truly terrible and it seemed downright paralyzing to the respiratory system, I barely took a puff. I inhaled harder while taking another hit. Something was changing very quickly. I felt as if someone was starting to pull my head from behind and I heard a hum, a distinct hum. Third puff, a really big one. I was starting to hear muffled sounds, not of this world. And a very distinct rustling, something that resembles the combined sound of a rain stick and tall grass, something that evokes associations with a snake and a rattle. Then I felt what I can only describe as space rupture and thunder that was not being thunder at the same time. In my head something was born with remarkable power, a different being, and at the same time a being so close to me. I heard without hearing it, a name that popped in my head, a name that I had known all my life and yet never heard it before. I knew immediately that it was him, I felt that he was just born, but he was there, he was with me all this time, all my life. I felt overwhelming love, gratitude and joy. I greeted him in ecstasy, full of happiness, I said “it's so nice to finally meet you” while laughing happily at how absurd it sounds. I've known him all my life because he was with me from the beginning. I was happy like a child regaining his friend. The ecstasy continued, but the overwhelming effect of the drug was waning, I was able to get up, and with great joy did it. My actions were now supported by him, whatever he was. My higher Self, my Holy Guardian Angel, my Guide? Still to this day I am not entirely sure. I did the LBRP again, feeling the ritual was over, but knowing also that he will be with me forever, never leaving me. I felt tired but incredibly happy and taken with the enormity of what I just experienced and continued to experience. Something extremely beautiful that shook my entire previous experience awakened the part of me that so longed to wake up.
I went to the bathroom feeling a cough coming. I had a certain feeling that this is so unreal all the time. I was talking with him all the time in my mind. He was explaining and I kept asking. With incredible joy and surprise, I discovered how amazing his sense of humor is, how pleasant it is to talk to him, and I knew that the answers I get are not something I just came up with in my own mind. He was explaining to me why I had to go through all this suffering in my childhood, and it suddenly became clear that I had to go through it in order to be who I am now. A process in time. Transmutation. I felt free, I felt a wave of love, acceptance and forgiveness flooding through my heart with his every word. I knew that this experience changed me forever.
Thank you for reading it all, I hope I haven’t made a lot of mistakes, it’s a second language after all. Since that evening I made some plans regarding buying the proper equipment and extraction method. After reading a lot, I decided to go with Vovin’s Tek. Now, with the right amount of molecule at hand, I intend to continue working with it.
And here comes the question I wanted to ask you, dear psychonauts. Has anyone else tried to navigate hyperspace travel or the experience itself using magick? What are your thoughts on the matter?
Happy to be here,
Zolot