Well hello

I've been a lurker in these parts for over a year now, soaking up the incredible gift of knowledge that the Nexus holds. I'm of a mature age, work as the senior manager of a legal compliance team in a large organisation (I suspect my team would be horrified if they knew about this side of me ) and I first came to use psychedelics a couple of years ago after researching the therapeutic use of psilocybin, LSD and DMT for healing trauma and depression, for personal growth and development and for exploring the nature of consciousness and reality.

I dipped my toe into psychedelics by microdosing LSD in accordance with James Fadiman's protocol, and I found it life changing and transformative. I started to feel like the authentic me again, like the shackles of stress, grief, anxiety and responsibility that adult life brings were being released. I've not revisited LSD since, and moved to infrequent macro-doses of cubensis mushrooms interspersed with gentle forays into the DMT realm, deliberately without experiencing breakthrough by keeping the dose low, so to build familiarity with the molecule before diving deeper into the multiverse since, to be honest, I didn't feel ready for it at the time.

I started with the molecule using a cheap lightbulb pipe, which I found to be an incredibly efficient way to pointlessly incinerate large quantities of the molecule that had been shared with me by my very closest friend. I didn't experience a great deal with the lightbulb pipe and switched to the direct e-mesh method with an Aegis Solo and VV Mesh RDA, which I've used about six times with much more intense and efficient results (with gratitude to Aum Shanti and Propello for their work and sharing this ) All of these DMT experiences were positive, going as far as visiting the waiting room at 18mg, after which I knew that I was ready to dive much much deeper.

So all was well in my world and three months ago I experienced a very intense cubensis and harmala trip that I wasn't prepared for at the time, it took me a few days to start to get my head around it. After this I stepped back from all psychedelics to give the trip time to integrate, which I feel (thought) I had done. I feel in a very good and emotionally strong place now, in fact the best I have been for a very long time.

I last vaped DMT before the mushroom and harmala experience, and last week I wanted to revisit the molecule as I know that my journey with it is far from over. I was in a good place, feeling really chilled, so I loaded up the mesh with 16mg, a deliberately low dose so not to break through with it being my first experience since the previous intense cubensis/harmala trip. I sat with my trusted closest friend and fellow voyager and hit it. I fully exhaled, took it in one breath, held it until I could go no more and (tried to) let go.

I experienced the intense rush then intense CEVs and OEVs, everything warped and I stood before the chrysanthemum. But it wasn't entirely a good experience, my mind and body fought it, I'd guess due to that recent mushroom & harmala experience. I couldn't let go and my whole body went into spasm with an intense energy, it was like a whole-body electric shock. I just couldn't let go, I couldn't let the energy flow and the molecule take me. I've not experienced it before and it was really intense and not exactly pleasant.

So, this is not only my introduction to my fellow voyagers but also a question for you: do you have any thoughts on whether I should step back from DMT and leave it a few more months before revisiting, or would I be better off gradually rebuilding physical and emotional familiarity with the molecule at really low and increasing doses, say from ~5mg?

Love x

Hello and welcome!

A challenging trip can certainly lead to apprehension in subsequent experiences, even at a subconscious level.

It seems your intention was somewhat at odds with what was perhaps an unexpected level of intensity for what you thought was a small dose! With your rather effective ROA - and, it would seem, inhalation technique - it should now not surprise you to hear that, occasionally, some users report 16mg breakthrough with direct e-mesh.

My suggestion would be that you may want to explore harmala alkaloids a bit more, at first just by themselves. When you have familiarised yourself with their effects alone, a moderate oral dose before blasting off will ease pre-flight anxieties and slow down the experience to a degree that makes it more manageable for the mind. Your plan of starting again at 5mg, etc., also strikes me as sensible.

You may find a regular meditative practice will be of benefit, if that is not something you do already.

These are all steps of technique, just like your graduating from a glass lightbulb to the e-mesh; be ready to smile, accept, and dissolve into the light

The Nexus chat is also ready and waiting for all those "w..t..f.. just happened...?" moments. Link at the top left of the screen.

I'm sure it has happened to all of us. Sometimes we bite off more than we can chew. It's up to you to decide whether you want to explore the DMT headspace further. I prefer very small doses for meditation and integratabtle insights. Having a huge dose and forgetting what it is like to be a functioning human being does not seem conductive to me but some people enjoy getting out of their heads. Good luck regarding your future endeavors.

Thank you downwardsfromzero and Seeingisbelieving, for your welcome and comments.

After posting my intro I again considered taking a low dose to ease me back in and then went with it this last evening with 5mg after your tentative agreement. I am pleased that I did.

I'm not much of a meditator and will need to practice, but I meditated on my breath for 15 minutes then immediately vaped 5mg. Ooh, that worked! There was again an 'electric shock' body sensation even at this low dose, like a Pavolian response of fear and resistance linked to the unexpectedly intense trip three months ago.

However with such a low dose I was able to feel my way through it amongst the CEVs and altered perception, and let it go. And at that point I just sank into the experience again. I was particularly struck by one of the CEVs, a continually morphing lattice of teal and neon blue and, to be honest, I was surprised at how potent both 16mg and now 5mg were with the direct e-mesh, it is an extraordinarily potent molecule and an extroardinarily efficient route of administration. The experience was very centering and I was left with a very calm afterglow for a few hours and after I went to bed. I slept very well. But CEVs and warm fuzzy afterglows are one thing, and not what this is about for me, I will definitely be exploring way deeper when the time is right, potentially in combination with harmala and certainly in a considered and grounded way.

But for now the next two or three experiences I'll keep the dose very low before building it up again, and work on letting go the Pavlovian response. I will also work on my meditation as it's not so much a practice and more something I occassionally do, and I'll post how I go.

Thanks again, journey well x

Welcome, Freyja!

I have very mixed experiences with different dosages and ROAs. I love the ego death experience but I have only had one legit ego death and many sub-BT and microdoses. I cannot shake the fear. I have some incredibly loving and beautiful experiences and I have had experiences that I fought to survive with my mind in tact. E mesh is definitely a brilliant ROA. I highly recommend changa, and even a small bowl of trees or caapi leaf with about 10mg of harmala freebase followed by a low dose vape. Lately I have been messing around with sublingual rue or smoked harmala followed by a small dose and then gentle puffs on my cart to stay in the sweet spot. Low doses can be so fun, so beautiful, and so inspiring, especially when paired with harmalas. Safe travels and enjoy.

Greetings my friend. Welcome to the forum .

Yes, your colleagues would look at you very differently if they knew lol.

In regards to your question (and your most recent experience), it's ultimately a choice that is all yours. Regardless of the feedback you receive from anyone here, the decision, intent, and choice is yours. While unpleasant, it's okay (I've had tremors and convulsed myself, on low and high doses). I usually think of it as another manifestation of purging (which most often for me is vomiting, but find it comes in many forms (convulsing, singing, yawning, dancing, etc)).

Tell us more about your psilohuasca experience (harmalas+mushrooms). What was at the forefront of your mind in the experience? What have you integrated since having it?

What's your favorite psychedelic? And why?

And YES to mediation. I personally do it everyday, minimum 10 minutes, and before ALMOST every Spice excursion.

Looking forward to hearing how this epoch of your journey turns out.

One love