So I feel like I already know the answer to this deep down but I just can't either articulate it for myself or frame it in the right way to understand, hoping you fine folks can help me out because NOBODY I talk to IRL gets this, and I'm concerned I'm going to ostracize myself with my increasingly unusual world view...

I've had lots of experiences with psychedelics, both mushrooms and DMT last year. Like, I went all the way guys. Definitely not as experienced as some people here, and call it what you want but i have experienced dying/being dead/ego death at least 6 times.

I've experienced TONS of personal growth in the last year as a result. I'm losing weight, I do yoga now, I've got a few philosophy books under my belt for the first time, I'm more patient and understanding, I more easily see past the bullshit and I can read people a lot better now/know how to speak to them and relate to them, my pets love me more lol (I seem to understand them better now), I garden and study soil science in my free time... so it seems all really good. BUT. The more I learn about myself, humanity, the world in general... I dunno I just want to be alone in nature. I feel like this is "one way" the world could be, and maybe it suits the species but less and less I feel that it suits the individual. As an individual, I want whats best for me. More and more its starting to feel like whats best for me is basically going full psychedelic hermit in the mountains

The last few times I've dabbled with psyches my mind goes to these huge vast open spaces in nature, think miles and miles across. Its quiet. Its peaceful. I feel the full grandeur and reverence for these sacred manifestations of the substrate of reality itself. I just want to go out there, start a garden, and not speak a word for like a week straight. But thats the thing... I dont know if I'd ever want to come back lol. A peaceful subsistence style existence living with the land sounds about as ideal as it gets. Our minds and bodies are just not made to thrive in this modern world, and I never feel better than in nature.

Its probably a lot to do with living in an apartment my whole life. almost my entire 20s were spent sleepwalking through my comfy WFH job and never doing anything real in the real world, just art/music/ecommerce/internet stuff. I hate competing with other people, I'd rather just do things a different way that removes the competition but still works.

I know, I know... I'd go out there, get a taste of the brutal reality that is nature and be back home before I even knew it. Almost definitely. But maybe not... maybe i'd just stay out there and never come back, somehow figure it out. This scares me. What if I'm literally going fucking crazy and this is the first step to becoming a full blown hermit?

NGL, I'd be tripping like half the time lol. Feeling that connection to the universe... man. nothing like it.

I dont even know if I have a question really. I cant really even articulate this to myself and I need somebody to talk to who understands where I'm coming from

Peace and love

I feel the exact same way man. Been talking to people who just sold their house, bought an RV fully equipped with solar panels and are living the dream. My buddy works a couple months a year and lives out the back of his jeep and backpacks the west coast trails the rest of the time. The possibility of you doing something similar is very graspable if you don't have family and responsibilities.

Oh my god, man, yes. Since I've started using psychs (year and a half ago?) the feeling of itchy feet has been getting gradually stronger and stronger. I just want to run away and explore nature, doing work that directly serves me and the people that actually matter to me...
I should mention we differ at the hermit part. If anything I had the opposite realization—that I absolutely need people. I just need people who align with me and there's a desperate lack of them in my current area.

I don't know if psychedelics create this desire so much as they do simply make us aware of social and moral discrepancies in our environment. That would do the trick; make you feel like retreating into nature.

Thats awesome, its great to hear I'm not alone haha

that does sound like an awesome way to live. My kid will be out of the house by the time I'm 40 in like 10 years, so I'm planning to do the wild and free thing then! In the mean time, I've got a while to get my ducks in order

Thanks for sharing, yea I totally get what you're saying. Its true, we've evolved to rely on eachother like you're saying and it was even the key to our success as a species. Hyper-specialization. My nervous system automatically reacts to your words and your actions, much as I may dislike this its also very much a core part of being human.

I've come to see that I "have no tribe". I moved every few years as a kid, and I got this cushy WFH job immediately out of college that keeps me isolated. I'm taking steps to find my people (partly what this post was I guess), so I don't think I'll actually become a hermit but tbh its kind of in the back of my mind as the "shit hits the fan" plan if my whole life crumbles someday.