Im kinda torn over wheather I want to write this up or not becasue it got really personal and was painful..but Im going to anway..I took mescaline twice this week in the last 5 days..and it was pure therapy..all the good and all the bad come up in these sessions...with alot of shit to work out now in the aftermath of it all..

I woke up early wednesday morning and ate a handfull of dry torch chips with some yerba mate..no idea of the actaul weight as my friend took back his scale that i was using..but not alot..10 grams at the most..but this torch is very strong and I seem unusually sensitive to mescaline..

Also on both occasions I took a 10x extract of licorice root..some people think that licorice somehow potentiates the mescaline..I am not sure either way.

I packed up some fruits and water, grabbed my sunglasses and took off to the beach..when I got down the beach I was feeling the mescaline already and grabbed some coffee and after only a few sips the mescaline started to come on stronger and already things were looking trippy...the water looked extremely awesome and looking down the beach at the rocks and trees I felt like I could see clearer than I ever before..everything was so clear and vivid..

I sat down on a log for about 30 minutes sooo content with everything..the clouds parted and the sun began shining so bright through the patches of clouds hitting the water and illuminating the islands and peninsula in the distance..everything was soooo beautiful..

I got up and walked and walked for a good hour along the strip checking out all the stores and random coffeshops, looking at artwork and just people watching...I felt connected to everything in a way that only mescaline brings..to the birds, to the trees, the sky, the water, the houses..the people...everything..I walked on stopping once in a while to touch things..the grains in a wooden bench, the blue painted handrailing..some roots I found from some seaweed, seashells..everything was like an orgasm of sensation to touch..

I was thinking about my life and why I worry so much...i worry way to much about everything..it gives me anxiety and its soo pointless..i felt stiller than ever before..content and finally happy..I thought about one of my best friends who I used to trip with all the time for days on end..she just had a kid so hasnt tripped in a long time and I never see her now...I thought of my other best friend and how much I loved both of these people and how happy I was to evenknow them and have them in my life..I cried tears of happiness for a while as the mescaline began to peak and I crawled up behind a large rock and sat down in the rocky sand and started aimlessly playing with the rocks and shells..collecting random sea glass and interesting rocks..

I began to think of this girl that I met recently and have been spending time with..I was so happy to have met her things were going well...I was happy about every single littel thing..everything seemed to fit perfectly into place and not one single thing was wrong..I realized how much my pointless worrying hold me back and allows me to make stupid excuses for not going after certain things in life..2 weeks or so ago i realized on ayahusca how much I wanted to really do in life..I wanted to find love and happiness and go out and travel and meet new people and make lots of changes..and the mescaline was bringing me to the same place..but it was much more heart centered and focussed on doing these things out of love...love for everything..

My cell phone rang.it was my friend, as I had tried to call her earlier..I was so happy to hear from here and told her how much she meant to me and how I loved her so much just for always being my friend and always being there not matter what...I was so proud of her for having a child and making the best of a situation that could have pushed many people into a very bad place..She told me she was invited to do some diame ceremonies this past weekend and wanted some advice about it..we talked about it for a while and I was so glad for her that she was finally going to journey with aya..she is very experienced with pure liquid LSD and mushrooms and has been waiting for a few years to drink aya..(she learned alot from the ceremonies she says BTW)

After that I lay down in the rocks and looked up into the sky for at least an hour or more..seeing mild shifting patterens in the clouds, with the rays of golden sunlight beaming down onto my face..I watched the seagulls repeatedly dive under water collecting clams, flying up above the rocks to crach the shells open to get at the meet..it was very facinating to watch..

Eventaully later that afternoon I make my way home and ate some food..still feeling the mescaline throughout my whole body..I felt reborn..went out and saw my brother and his gf and talked to them for a bit and then came back home..talked to my mother and sister for a while and played with my dog..listened to music etc until I finally went to sleep..

The next day I felt like I was one with everything..I was happy and full of joy..spent 9 hours downtown with a girl that I really like and was just soo happy..everything was perfect..I was elated and had no need to take anything..I just wanted to live.

On saturday I had plans with this girl again at night..but it was at a bar with her friends...im not into bars and not this bar at all..anyways that wasnt until later on..so I went downtown to visit another friend in the daytime..and he took me over to another house with some of his friends from mexico..

I got there and met all these real cool mexican people..I met a guy there that was on acid and he was showing me all these really cool cloths that his friends in mexico make that incorperated sacred geometry and peyote/huichol artwork..he had al these stores he was telling me about peyote vision quests he had taken in the desert in mexico..and his bother is apprenticing with a peyote shaman there..this guy seemed so full of love and I was captivated in these stores..like the spirit of mescalito was radiating right out of him..we smoked a joint and him and his roommates introduced me to unprocessed mexican tequila

I cant handle alcohol for one thing, not much of a drinker and i must have underestimated this stuff..becasue I got soooo drunk..it was rediculous..I had sprained my ankle again earlier but I was so drunk i could not feel it and ended up going to some field with these guys and playing soccer..and drinking more tequila..I played soccer for some time and then want back to their house and sat there for a while and I introduced them to shpongle..they like it, prob especially since they were on acid..

So after hours of that I left to go meet with this girl..but I was kinda sketched about going to this bar that i dont like where men like go to degrade women..I absolutily HATE that shit..and I was so drunk and getting pissed of thinking about it..these mexican dudes went off to a psytrance party with fee acid and wanted me to come but I didnt want to ditch this girl and i like her so I went to the bar. When I got there I was having trouble even standing and felt sick..had to wait in line for over an hour and when we finally got in it was like waayyy to overwrowded and really loud full of rowdy people..guys kept hitting on this girl right in front of me and I was getting so pissed off..and I was really out of it and was getting mad at people that kept comming up to us and saying stupid things..I felt out of place and told this girl that it wasnt my scene and I think I said some other weird things but i can barely remember becasue I was so gone..anyway it was a shitty night and I felt bad for getting so hammered when I really just wanted to see this girl and when I got home at like 2am i felt real depressed and just sat there listening to bob dylan until I passed out and woke up sick..

So yesterday morning I woke up feeling like shit, and depressed..I drank some water and ate some food and took some vitamines and waited 3 hours or so until I was feeling somewhat normal..and I ate another handful of dried torch..I knew that I was not in any state to have some happy bubbly trip..i knew what I was possibly getting into but I felt that i HAD to do this...

I lit some candles and incents and smudged the cactus and room and then ate the stuff..chewing it over and over for like 10 minutes to let it absorb sublingually first..

My hangover cleared up real fast and I sat there for a bit thinking..after an hour or so I drank some coffee and this intense wave of love came over me and I realized how I had decended into worrying again..and that alcohol is just a bad bad thing for me..

I put on some music and put it on repeat..same song for like an hour or more..everything was soo beautiful and was crying again with joy...things were getting colorful and I talked to people on the chat and I felt happy and ok...mescaline is amazing for this...it is real Medicine..medicine for the soul..it enhances feelings and brings out repressed feelings with amazing accuracy...I feel like in a way I actaully found god in this stuff..though thats sorta hard to explain..

I sat there in meditation with tears in my eyes for a long time..until a friend come over who had gone to that psytrance party and taken the free acid ..he was still comming down so we went to the beach..

on the way to the beach I ate an orange and drank some water..and I started to feel the mescaline peaking and my stomach started to feel too full and I felt mildy sick..but I also started tripping alot harder for the next 2 hours...things looked like an oil painting or something and shimmering colors were comming off of random things..I got very spaced out and introverted..

My friend was all depressed becasue his gf of 2 years just moved to dubai to work with the airlines on new years...he smoked a joint and I think he started to trip again or something becasue he got all emotional and took off down the beach for like an hour by himslef..so I went off down the beach on my own to another spot..

I started to feel all alone all of a sudden and all these repressed emotions were comming up, like things i have been burrying down for years or something..I knew they were there becasue ayahuasca was touching on them a bit 2 weeks ago so I could see they were there and that I needed to change some things..but the mescaline was like fuck that were gunna go there NOW..and it all came up..I felt afraid and alone and helpless and I crawled up onto the rocks with the rain soaking me and started to cry and shake and feel it all comming up..like some sort of emotional purging..but it was god damn painful I had to feel it all..all this old shit I had put away..this went on for a good hour..it was horrible..I could also feel this energy comming from the rocks and trees and water all around me every time i looked around..and I could feel what I can only call mescalito..

I started to get worried that I messed up things with this girl(I didnt I just spoke to her and it was fine)..which was me worrying again..but I also kept thinking about how stupid I am when I get drunk and I didnt blame her for maybe being put off becaue I was really like out of it the night before..

Once I got back home I was feeling somewaht better..but it was like I had just had my head brocken right open and violated..All the stuff that came up was leaving me but I felt sort of empty after and had so much to sort through and things i knew I wanted to change..I ate some food and hade some cocoa tea, and talked to some people at the nexus chat, which helped me alot..so thak you guys, you know who you are you are!

The cocoa brought back the mescaline again and I went outside and meditated in the rain, and begain to get into a very heart centred calm space again..it was getting dark out and the house nextdoor still looked like an oil painting and the sky had mild shimmers of rainbow light in it..I meditated there for like 40 minutes in complete bliss and came back inside and put on dry cloths and rolled up into blankets and put on some music and at there with the loved up mescaline feeling for a few hours drinking cocoa and licorice tea until I finally went to sleep..by the end of the night I was feeling very good about things and also about how my experience had gone...I got SOOOO much out of both of these mescaline journeys..it was like going to therapy..it was painful but it was extremely necessary..

I woke up today feeling good and did some yoga and meditation for the first time in months and it felt great...I feel like I owe so much to a little handful of cactus its unbelievable..I cant wait to eat more but not for 2 weeks or so at least..I want to sort some things out first and then go back and do some more work..might drink some caapi only brew in a few days to meditate on some new ideas and things I have though..

I realized that I need to meditate more and stop over thinking things, do more yoga, write more and creat more art and try to integrate the heart opening mescaline teachings into my everyday sober life..I need to tell the people in my life more often that I love them and focus on the good things and experience more new things.

Im fully in love with mescaline now..looking foreward to real visionary dose sometime as well.

Wow man...thanks for sharing! Keep tracking the love...

I just made some resin and have had some emotionally deep but depressing trips too, first times doing mescaline.
Maybe next weekend or the weekend after you'd care to go in? Although you said you wanted a higher dose..
i'm gonna try to purify it some 'n see what happens though. =] and maybe make some more if need be.
Send me a PM or something.

Great story man, mescalito is great. So profound and full of life. Your last statement pretty much sums up my last mesc experience. Great to hear another connect the same way.

awesome healing frac, as with everything there are a certain amount of formalities to get out of the way with mesc, sounds like progress is being made.
stay strong, face the wind head-on, and meditate - having too much of a busy mind is a sign that the mind needs some peace, its its natural state.
mesc, as iv said is a long term healer, it does half the integration for you in that end whole head period if you allow it to, it creates a more peacefull, mindfull, meditative state within you.
Good luck man.

LOVEley story fractal

some real raw stuff there, thanks for sharing this with us.

i wish you all the best my fried





right on bancopuma!