Hey all. I have been a member here for a while but have not been very active in the community. I wanted to introduce myself and offer my friendship and knowledge. I am not an expert in any thing by any means but I am an interested person and always up for an intellectual exchange .

I am early/mid 30s and have only in the past few years realized I have had a lifelong depression/anxiety disorder/ADHD among other things. I have also had multiple existential crisis during my lifetime. (And will probably have more) I have always been interested in psychedelics since I was 14 and read close to every entry on Erowid long before I ever tried my first psychedelic. LSD was my first experience and it was quite amazing. Even with what I know now was low dose blotter my close friend(to this day) and I shared a memorable first experience. I have ingested LSD and Cubensis mushrooms around 30 times each. I have reached a point now that after nearly a decade of no psychedelic use that I am called back with some trepidation. I am more aware of myself and my hang ups than ever before and would like to think I am ready to dip my toes in the water. I think that experience is the purpose of life. Too many of us are terrified to live yet crave life so intensely. It is a contradiction that can be harnessed for personal growth and that is my ultimate goal. I hope to lend insight and value to this community as I have received a wealth of knowledge not only from the Nexus but from the Shroomery community as well. (If anyone knows a mod over there I need help recovering my old account! haha)Please feel free to hit me up and you will see more of me as I have a hard time not chiming in when a question/subject matter interests me.

Thanks again,
Chizzity

Happy to have you and your participation here.

I relate to you in that I too have suffered/learned to manage double depression, and anxiety (mainly). If you ever need an ear who is more likely to be understanding to your plight feel free to contact me.

I find myself excited for your return to psychedelics and wish you the very best in your personal growth journey. I understand the anxiety surrounding that.

The paradox you highlight makes me think of the quote, "too afraid to live, too scared to die." Definitely something I'm working in myself. Great point you made.

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