I agree. Two weeks ago I have a very intense "bad trip" on DMT. Apparently (at least according to the works of Stan Grof) I dealt themes f death and rebirth. I did not want to die, but I felt that I had died. In fact, I thought our whole world had been destroyed. I still feel some negative effects - nothing real major, but still a slight sense of depression and still a bit of increased sensitivity to loud noises. I only use drugs when my personal life if reasonably stable. Therefore, even though that experience is still frightening to think about, I have my other interests and life goes on pretty normally while my mind slowly returns to normal. OTOH, had I had such an experience in the middle of major personal problems it would be very hard for me to cope with that experience on top of other problems.

Psychedelic drugs such as LSD have been used in the past (prior to their being outlawed in 1970) to treat many psychiatric problems, including depression. The thing is though, it takes a skillful psychiatrist working intensively with the patient to accomplish such treatment. And it may well take several sequential treatments, and the patient may well get much worse than before during the interim time. In my opinion, trying to resolve psychological issues oneself requires a relatively stable mental state.

As others have said, psychedelic drugs function as non-specific thought amplifiers. In fact in the 1960s, DMT had the reputation of almost always causing terrifying trips. Until Timothy Leary did an experiment where he showed that with positive set and setting the experience could be enjoyable.

elphologist

I am all for ritually... respectfully... with greatest education, safety measures, and preparation... (this includes mental wellness of the person approaching the sacrament) working with Ayahuasca to heal depression. It wasn't until I began ritual work with Ayahuasca (and an honorable mention of the rare mushroom) that I have, for the first time in my life, experienced TOTAL and LASTING freedom from suicidal thoughts, and a generally self-destructive paradigm.

So, I have to vouch very openly for the medicine; but, I also have to place a strong disclaimer of RESPECT, INTENTION, and PREPARATION. The guidance is very clear: are you prepared to be held accountable for your entire life with such clarity?

That being said, there was one thing I realized after beginning work with Aya, about the nature of suicidal thoughts. I never actually, in my heart, meant to kill myself: it was my mind's way of SCREAMING and GRASPING for change that was absolutely critical to its stability. Death, a la tarot, only symbolizes change; and intensely suicidal feelings are symptomatic of the mind's deep need for an important change critical to maintaining its balance.

Therefore, OP, I would ask, are there things in your life that you need to desperately change? Are you holding onto, metaphorically, dead things that are best addressed, honored, and buried respectfully?

Dealing a lot with suicide, the impulse is essentially a failure of coping mechanisms. Don't end your life, life is beautiful: CHANGE it! (And grow... reach for the sun!)

Anyway, this is just my ramble, about how I would consider trying to integrate the journey, through my lens of experience. Death is change, and a suicidal impulse is a VERY intense cry for immediate change. Is there something in the subconscious that needs to be addressed?

Love and best wishes.

The other lens I would recommend for viewing, is love. Sending loving thoughts to places of extreme mental desperation, or to places where you, as a 4-D being existing like a worm through time never received them, can be powerful, too... compassion...

Thanks for all your input guys.
I needed some people experienced with the spice to give me some advice.
Some of you gave me great answers that really got me thinking.

Last night I had the most insane DMT experience ever.
It was so mellow and beautiful.
I wrote a terrible synopsis here.
I feel like Im back on the right track.

There are a few things I can cite as possible reasons for my bad experiences.

1.Rick Strassman. I began to read his works and my DMT trips immediately went downhill. The man is genius and uncovered many mysteries, but it ruined DMT for me. I remember my first trip after finishing "The Spirit Molecule". I couldn't stop listening to the sounds. (Do you guys hear a "yaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa" sound..?) The sounds had always been there, but I had never noticed them. The book made me realize that the sounds were there, and i couldn't stop concentrating on it. After reading all the trip reports in "TSM", all i could do was look for similarities between mine and theirs. It's hard not to when many DMT trips are uber alike. It became difficult for me to shut off my brain and get out of my head. Many times, i would feel like a bullet pinging around in my head, trying to get out, but never could..

2.Redoses. My last bad experience was a redose. In the past, things had been cold and dark during redoses, but never like that. According to "TSM", during his tolerance studies, Strassman found that out of 3 redoses (for a total of 4 doses), the first two trips were terrible (with the second being the worst) and then the last two were where healing took place. I have never had to guts to heavily redose more than once though.

3.Life. My best friend has been diagnosed with a terminal illness. She finds redemption and a will to live in DMT, so we try and heal together. I was without her that day and was really stressing about her health. I wanted to venture out on my own to try and find a path for her to take. For some reason I feel like I need to guide her through the outer realms. Maybe that's a mistake.

4.Drugs. I had just come back from being twackkked the fuck out. Was up for a week. Took me two weeks to recover. My body wasn't happy. My mind was even unhappier. I'm not a tweeker. I shouldn't touch that drug. It ruins my life but is so intriguing for some reason. I don't even like the high at all, which says something. If you've done it, you understand the pointless pull to it. I broke the habit before with DMT, and have slowly weened a few other good friends off of speed with it as well. I was looking for a slap in the face, and I guess I got it.

There are other possible reasons, but those seem to be the most likely.

Again, Thanks..!

-Dubs