Here's a small collection of journal entries from my Samsung notes app I thought would be worth posting. Up until August 2020 I had no experience with vaporized DMT. I had multiple experiences with oral dmt and ayahuasca analogs, but other then that my psychedelic experience has been predominantly mescaline and mushroom and harmalas..harmalas are the love of my life, so this was quite new to me.


Note: all experiences where in conjunction with purified extracted harmine/harmaline ~1:1
2/7/2020
9:45-11:00pm
My first experience vaping DMT, 75mg of Harmala mix was administered sublingually for 10 minutes. 50mg of DMT was loaded into "Dream Maker Tool" and vaporized in small seperate hits, immediately struck with the Intensity and increase in Definition, everything jumps Into clarity and I feel my inner self emerge in awe and excitement. I shake and watch the neon colouring light up my Dimly light room. I went back and forth taking small hits over the two hours, with the furthest  pushing me towards closed eye emersion, coming into clarity a translucent shadowed figure, a sensation of a completely unfamiliar, a "robot shipibo" room. I feel a presence drawing me in via "a cold energy leaking sensation" where my spine connects to my brain and my genitals , this is completely unfamiliar, I do not understand and become resistance and thus uncofmrotable, I am left a little fearful. As I come down I enjoy the mental clarity and pattern assimilation abilities, I talk with my brother and rest excited and in awe, I can work with this...

15/7/2020
9:00pm
30mg Harmala sublingually administered. ~25mg DMT vaporized but mistakes were made and I had a uncomfortable low dose, setting was too artifically bright and "fake", I could not focus on anything, I felt completely uncomfortable and dissapointed..I felt as if It was coming into focus yet paused before I could see it. More harmalas necessary, an improved vaping technique aiming for a huge first hit necessary and a care taken to setting..have no expectations, appropriate music may be used to uplift and "open" the heart mind/flow. Accept the experience and make improvements, take care to integrate confusing experience and remember..we cannot always expect coherent experiences with such a damaged left brain/ego

20/7/2020
3:10pm
A small hit was taken from the machine, much easier to use and less stressful. 30mg sublingual harmala was taken 10m prior.  Calming warm music was used and the experience although extremely light was themed in a female, warm, loving, powerful and almost sexual theme. I felt a very warm energy and at such a low dose could examine what has been happening. My ego at low-medium doses responds with fear and tries to hang on..resistance of any sort causes a distinct change in the qualtive aspects of the visions and feeds into itself. It's like overcoming a great fear. Optimum setting and meditative surrender/inhibition practices beforehand go along way. Practice, be gentle, let go, stay calm and detached but observant. Day time helps, night may be deeper but potentially scarier. Another point to consider is the breath hold, it really does make the come up unpleasant. Wim hot inhalation rounds with a breath hold in-between rounds prior to inhalation can suffice to take away most of the discomfort and allow you to ease into  it. Also a small toke to rid of anxiety or fear before a breakthrough dose can also work well to ease in and avoid fear..

24/07/2020
1:30pm
30mg harmala taken 15m prior. 40mg was loaded and an unknown amount was vaporized in the machine, immeditately after inhaling all 3 of my dogs I was sitting with go nuts and start barking and  running off as I lose any sense of normalcy, I feel my right brain jump "online", saturation increases and everything beccomes evidently alive as it always was, soon I am overwhelmed with the onset of visuals, eyes open OEV cover my visual field and the bright sun washes out the visuals, soon I am stunned focused on the familiar and reocurring white static net with a neutral unfamiliar yet  and weirdly familiar "not what I was expecting but not surprised feeling", visually fixed on anonymous masked stick figure visions bleeping on popping, I am stunned and surely quite resistant yet disassociated from my physical body until I realise I am squirming around on the ground resisting something unable to relax, flooded with a feeling of familiarity in the perceptual domain, de ja vu, synchronicity and some cosmic ineffable play of which I am only so distantly aware is real. Yet potential for euphoria I can feel resistance and fear is holding me back, I become concerned as to my situation as I have reached a timeless "space" of which I believe occurs when right hemisphere activity reaches a certain threshold, we percieve time as it truly is, non existent and non linear. Just right now. I worry of being caught in such a state, rolling around in my back yard with a torch lighter and modified glass bottle, an unwarranted sense of panic and worry floats around in the background, by now it's been 10 minutes and my visual field is covered in neon blue hieroglyph like symbolism..like nothing I have ever seen. I get my self comfortable and gather my thoughts.. wow.. boy I was happy to see my Genna (dog) come greet me.


7/8/2020
~2:30pm
40mg Harmala 15m, 10mg vaporized with gvg, smooth and restless, observation, intense awareness, do not allow yourself to become distracted with left brain nonsense, pay attention, view all as one, coming from within. Do not project labels, single minded focus. A great dosage to work with and become accustomed to navigating before going further. Presence of left brains desire to control is strong, practice detaching from that, and move into real time proccessing/self where all the magic happens.. singing, dancing, smiling, mantra etc interacting with the experience to bring yourself out of left brains trance fear projection and into the lucidity of the right brain.

-30mg sublingual + multiple small tokes over 1.5 hours
..August sometime..2020
(Had been reading the Hermetica corpus)

"Enter the divine mind
Where all minds become one mind

You meet the chaotic waters of unlimited potential and you must give it form just as our creator did. Through breathe, through body, through thought and sound. Let go and hold faith in beauty and goodness. You will come to know the great creator or God, then you will come to know that all is god, all that's ever been is god and all that ever will be is god.

As the hermes speaks, through single minded contemplation one may come to know god.

For there is no greater gift then to be in God's presence. All is seen as an incredible illusion.
I see God in my mother and Steve, the experiental parallels with spiritual scriptures is phenomenal.

Easy does it..build trust and faith, a domain of intuition and feeling, move carefully with full awareness and trust.
Awe and reverence love and gratitude
Forgiveness

Purpose is found, effortless!
Reverence and awe, wonder, love, gratitude and sharing from pure beauty and goodness.
Live in God's laws, strive to know god and see beauty and goodness. Take care of each other and pass on the gift.

Take liberation in knowing immortality and unity. Goodness and beauty.
Check in regulary..
Low dose exploration is incredible"

What revealing experiences and what an active role of fear ther ... as if divine pleasure was near the line of fear, sometimes.
I have always associated the barriers of fear tto a game with the part that is hooked on the emergency of responding to a certain hidden tension that comes from the fact of being alive. When I meditate, I feel that I turn off the switch that is monitoring and regulating that game of attention in focus. I feel that this allows me to relax into more intense experiences and to perform pranayamas with greater serenity.

So, good to read your notes!

Thank you for sharing this. It's almost 100 % what I've come to believe through my experiences.

Though, I know, there's still more, and balancing the difficult and sorrowful aspects of life with the profound awe you can experience is something I still pray and seek wisdom.