Hello together,

well I've been here before but never really actively posted in the forum...
Used a throwaway email back then & well lost my login, so here we go again.
Glad to see I am not the only one in this dumb & dumber situation
I am on my psychedelic journey since like 10 years sometimes more, sometimes less.
But still exploring, let's see what was gathered here, while I've been away.
Always glad to learn & explore new ways of thinking and doing stuff.

Edit:

Think it might be beneficial for some if I add my only experience with 5-meo & maybe some of my dmt experiences later.
The first one took place nearly one year ago and was part of a two day bufo alvarius retreat I attended.
Preparations included months of meditation, coming to terms with the thought of the own death and its consequences, 2 weeks of vegan diet & giving up on sugar, coffein, alc, weed, etc. So I thought I was prepared to dive in and work on the topics I intended to work on, oh boy was I wrong

I went there with 4 friends of mine, first day we did 30mg of bufo alvarius secretion with an estimated 5-meo content above 20% but that's just an estimate, more on that later. This was my first encounter with 5-meo and it was already a very chaotic yet blissful experience, with strong feelings of interconnectedness, nausea and little to none automovements.
I came back crying because I was so touched by what I've just experienced and was joyfully anticipating the next day.
Right then I should've already known, that 5-meo doesn't work like I wanted it to work back then, going in with fixed intentions, clinging on them to work on what needed to be done from my limited POV.

The next day came & so did the next dose of then 50mg. I was scheduled to be second but witnessing what then unfolded before my eyes made my egoic resistance grow and grow bigger. One of the 4 friends decided right then, that he's done with the retreat and won't do a second dose at all. Instead of going in second I decided to let all my friends go first because I subconsciously already knew what was about to happen & for the sake of their experiences it was definitely better and all of them said, they wouldn't have done a second dose at all after seeing what I later went through. Back to the dose question from above, all 3 friends before me entered the white void which makes me conclude that the 5-meo content needed to be above 20% because I'd estimate 10-12mg to be the beginning of breakthrough doses for the average male comparing to reports on the internet, that I only read afterwards. And so I went in with my fixed ideas, intentions & general misconceptions about what and why I am doing this also fueled by the retrospective complete wrong facilitator (at least for me)...

I took the 50mg in with one hit, then observed the facilitators face morph into some kind of evil demon which then took over the whole experience. First I got really hard nausea & started to throw up only spit but the feeling and urge didn't go away and continued over the whole experience as I was later told by my friends. I was shook by auto-movement feeling like being pulled and pushed through some external force then started to wobble in circles still sitting cross legged and making this siren like "wiiiiiiuuuuuuuu" noise which I initially didn't remember afterwards. The demon I already mentioned was what I would describe as the accumulation of all bad and evil in the world sitting right in front of me, grinning strait to my face causing me the worst anxiety I've ever experienced! I then already knew subconsciouly that this "thing" had something to do with me but I didn't want it to gain control so I started resisting - big failure!

What then happened is best to be described using the term exorcism, but I blacked out after doing what I would call a inwards frontflip - at least it felt like that. This was at maybe minute 2 or 3 after consumption, I proceeded to growl and make demonish noises that left all the participants terrified while dislocating my whole body in all kinds of directions simultanously for at least 20-30 minutes. Then 30-35 minutes after consumption I slowly gained consciousness and was actually able to enjoy the experience again having a nice afterglow but being confused about what tf just happened. No white void, nothing as far as I can remember up to this current day! Only blackout.

Some parts of this I remembered up to like 3 months later. For that duration I also experienced various reactivations that were the best part of the experience for me and led up to me quitting long term weed and alc addiction. Some other parts were told me by my friends that witnessed everything and were left nearly the same traumatized as I was.
Through the heightened responsiveness surrounding such experiences and the in my case completely wrong facilitator sporting various spiritual practices and mixing many things together I went home believing I am possessed by some kind of evil external force and it took me like half a year with the help of people I came across online & my friends to get finally rid of this misbelieves/misconceptions and converting it into a deeper understanding of my own subconsciousness and its shadow aspects which I was able to manifest
& project into what I back then believed to be a demon

This experience left me with what I would call mild PTSD symptoms (not diagnosed by a professional psychologist) and highly stained my dmt experiences afterwards with the same physical reactions like nausea and automovements which I never had before doing 5-meo and contributed to me quitting dmt & 5-meo for the moment and sorting things out irl like resolving my addicition issues and other changes to my lifestyle I was already able to implement but continue to change stuff and getting shit done before reapproaching either of these substances again...

I think that's enough for the moment, at some point I might write something detailed about my +/- 10 dmt/changa experiences before and 2 experiences after doing 5-meo but claiming the two experiences afterwards were stained I'll have to add in that both not only were physically unpleasent but also turned very dark - the last of them I'd also call a hyperslap but a "deserved one" since I only did changa then to comfort my friend who didn't want to do changa alone and I absolutely didn't feel like doing any beforehand this day.


Safe travels error.404

Oh Wow! What an intense trip, glad you made it out! Thanks for taking the time to write that up. Welcome to the forum.

I've never personally tried 5-MeO and I don't know if I will. But I've heard/read about some interesting/terrifying experiences that make me lean towards not trying it. More power to you for stepping up to the plate and taking everything in stride, even if it took a while to get back to yourself. You'll find lots of support in this community, if you need it, which is one of the reasons I enjoy hanging out here (even if I don't have as much time as I used to).

Take care!

-TGO

Thanks for these kind and welcoming words. From my current point of view I think I can outline why, how and when everything went south with this particular experience. Even tho, there were certain dark aspects pretty dominant, the lessons learned were quite valuable and with todays knowledge I'd probably even say it wasn't what I wanted but most likely what I needed.
I will definitely reapproach this substance when the time has come and I've sorted everything out that needs to be sorted out...
My quest for healing is still in it's infancy stage. Once I further progressed with this specific topic I might go more into detail there (suffering from unkown/undiagnosed medical condition causing physical problems) but currently that would just be distraction from my own tasks & I don't really want to rest on laurels unearned yet!

Hello error.404

Thank you for sharing. Seems like the facilitator doesn´t have the same respect for
the molecule that you have.
After going through all of that you can still see the positive in that experience.
I hope you can shake the fear and have some wonderful experiences in the future.
DMT has to be respected but 5 meo has the potential to be dangerous and giving
someone 50 mg of sth. that hasn´t been tested is pretty risky.

I wish you a great day and thanks for sharing again

just to set this one straight...
50mg bufo alvarius secretion with an estimated 5meo content of ≈20% (i think max. is about 25%) resulting in +/- 10mg 5meo
apart from that you're totally right concerning the facilitators respect for the substance,
because he had a very destructive relationship with it leading him into all kinds of delusions!
but that's all from todays retrospective point of view and doesn't aim to shift any responsibility away from myself
since from all 4 people that went with me, I was the only one experiencing this side of the substance / subconsciousness!