This is not my beautiful house? This is not my beautiful wife?

HOW did I get here?
It was not by design.
My nascent impression feels like I need to be here.
It remains to be seen if I belong.

This is my introduction.
There is hopefully considerable latitude for these introductory essays.
I am 60-ish.
I do not consume alcohol but ingest nicotine furiously via vape = following 22 years of 50 smokes a day,
I am too old to remember to type my answers in Word before transferring to this post form as my previous magnum opus regularly escaped into the ether with a poorly timed tab switch.

As a result, I am going to just ‘ship it’ on effort 4 and apologize if it is a tad fragmented and does not flow like Foucault.

It is my opinion about myself and not a proposal to be generalized.

I only want to belong as a representative of who I believe I really am in this moment.
I only want to belong if I have correctly assessed the true nature of the nexus-dmt attitude.
My level of confidence in that initial assessment is extremely high.
Any other motive invites the continued embrace of my current cavernous ignorance and affords no advantage to the community at large.

I recently discovered sustained (13 month plus) relief from 4 decades of treatment resistant depression and C-PTSD via psilocybin and concurrent CBT.
Prior to psilocybin, the best Neuropharmacologist and an endless parade of ‘exciting new chiral acronyms with promises that: ‘this time it will work’ rendered me hopeless and escaping into the fantasy of relief by any means.

Classically trained in Aristotelian logic, I was forced to conclude death a sane and reasonable alternative to evaluate very seriously and as empirically as possible. Manic or psychotic episodes were absent and I suffered little cognitive diminishment.
No ideation developed and the fantasies were self-soothing as I felt in control of something. To be clear, no concrete thoughts of self harm presented.

I have a support network educated enough to recognize changes in my mood and behavior should I begin to struggle and not be aware.

My chosen treatment modality is currently being investigated by Health Canada.

It is to currently illegal to treat myself.


To date:

The Canadian government is allowing 4 terminally ill patients to use psychedelic mushrooms to help ease their anxiety[/size]


By Alicia Lee, CNNUpdated 3:02 PM ET, Thu August 6, 2020[color=white][/color]



FOUR TERMINALLY ILL PATIENTS

we all got that, right? 4

This sample size alone HIGHLIGHTS the urgency with which these trial's are proceeding.

Offer the terminally ill a 'Brompton's Cocktail' for the love of humanity.
*grab an extra for yourself if you can lol

I am not a mushroom evangelist.

It is NOT yet clear if I am to be a candidate for DMT ingestion.

I HAVE SO MUCH TO LEARN.
I am eligible for that!
I am also motivated to learn how I can best contribute positively.
I believe it is wise to be patient and attentive when joining an established community until I understand the culture and personality.
I admit I shamelessly examine my perception of the group dynamic.
I am experiencing true wonder and awe here that I have not felt since childhood.
My re-invigorated intellectual curiosity is part of what I integrate as ‘meaning’
Any decision to use will be in concert with an unbiased healthcare professional.
Any use will include a healthcare practitioner.
I wish to be transparent.
My goal is to become a member.
I am here to learn what is not taught.
I am hear to listen to what the world is not ready to hear.
I am here to share my research.

I will attempt to balance humility with credibility, sincerity, empathy, intellect and the confidence I can become an asset to the community.
The difficulty will only be the balance for I believe I possess the qualities listed and have an appreciation for like minded souls.

It is not in my nature to sell myself.
However, I am sufficiently motivated to do so.

If I appear arrogant, I probably am, but hopefully it will only be a consequence of attempted brevity. Clearly, I struggle with brevity.
I am working on both of these.

I recently retired as a clinician with the Canadian Addiction and Mental Health Treatment and Research hub. (liberty taken with acronym).

I worked with the initial team setting up the Toronto Drug Treatment Court template that has since been adopted as a best practice model worldwide.
I am a longtime MAPS evangelist.

Other fun facts:
I lived in Koh Samui 5 years before Guzman got his microscope slide out.
I did my internship with Dr. Mate at INSITE.
I have kissed the Hive and was a seminal member of TOTSE 2
I missed TOTSE

I have been fascinated by psychedelics since high school (1970's

And as long as we are sticking with transparency, golf is no loss for intellectually deprived yet curious retirees with a Chem undergrad and a basement full of glass.

Perhaps a modicum of misguided confidence in ‘physician heal thyself’ exists and I need to keep that catastrophic trap in check.

My psilocybin EXPERIMENT involved a sample size of 1.
However, I would be happy to share my story with any interested member via DM. (how many thousands of Dms does my inbox hold?jk)


Off I go toward the light,

Thank you for clearing a path.

Thanks to all who suffered this meandering mess.
Bless all!

Barkbee[/size]

I think I caught about half of that, so anyways welcome to the nexus. You may find DMT can put you at a loss for words, or not, but it is definitely worth investigating!

If those credentials don’t merit an upvote, a significant portion of full members should be returned to sprout status. You are most welcome barkbee! My only advice would be to not get discouraged by what can sometimes appear to be apathy on the part of the membership here. The Nexus can engage you on a profound level, but when it doesn’t appear to be, we’re still listening and being profoundly affected.

Welcome, and thank you for the eloquent introduction.

Membership granted. Welcome to the Nexus!

Welcome to the DMT-Nexus, and thank you for the prosaic introduction.


Kind regards,

The Traveler