So, here's a personal post. Read through it if you have a moment.
Right now, I'm "studying" music at the university of Toronto (studying in quotes because this online sh*t is a sad excuse for an education). I used to think I want to be an artist, but... I've been so miserable. I have a history of depression; however, this is unrelenting. I feel so wasted—there's no need for my music in the world and I have no motivation to pursue it anymore. I'll spare my detailed analysis of why I feel this way, as my mind is already set and I don't want to waste your time. I have thought about it in depth.
I've been toying with my other talents, namely in the sciences. Watching the current state of psychedelics—a slow return to mainstream acceptance, new developments in research, my personal benefit from these substances—I've been thinking that there is a place for me in this new wave. I'm particularly interested in the chemical and pharmacological aspects, and I'd like to move in that direction. The thing is, I feel so lost. Where does one even begin? It's not like I can go to my registrar and say, "hey, what fields should I pursue to study illegal drugs? What professions are needed in psychedelia right now?".
I guess it sounds a little like I'm asking "tell me how to live my life". I tried to think of a rebuttal, but I think that would be a fair assessment, honestly
Any thoughts are appreciated.
I don't want comfort. I want God, I want poetry, I want real danger, I want freedom, I want goodness. I want a clever signature.