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a letter to my mother Options
 
PsilocybeChild
#41 Posted : 12/27/2009 12:11:04 PM

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"i have let go of fear COMPLETELY." you've inspired me to take a step forward with you. to rise above the things that bound you and hold you back. thanks for posting this and not letting fear of others opinions stop you from sharing how you feel. your honesty brought tears to my eyes. and your love and trust in the plants in return for how they've helped you. Sometimes it's hard to stay positive and be open cause it hurts all the more when people step on you and send you bad vibes. I wish you luck with connecting to the love you want and deserve. just be careful not to make it your reason for living. be patient and honest and focus on your life. learning, growing, and sending out good vibes and they will be returned by more real appreciative people. If you liked The Secret, I recommend watching What The Bleep Do We Know!? A documentary on quantum physics and how your mind effects your reality. You've seen first hand the power of being positive and I wish you the strength and insight to see the reasons to stay positive. If only everyone could be brutally honest and stand up for what they believe in and not feel ashamed. shit happens, people go through shit and people make mistakes. fuck other peoples negativity. I also wanna write a book someday. lets co-author oneWink Let the good vibes in psy!
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psychosisdoses
#42 Posted : 12/27/2009 12:27:13 PM

Derek


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THANK YOU! Very happy

i put my life in the hands of entheogens
turned my soul over for healing and i was rewarded with a new life
and the knowledge to know why i was so blessed to be here
and yes others seem to like to make it hard for one to be open but i am not sharing for that and it doesnt make me feel any less blissful it doesnt distract from how i feel or the real reason i shared which is to inspire others! what i have gone through has brought buckets of tears to my eyes and i could hardly believe it all until i actually typed it out.. when i did i felt EVEN better.. and if that wasnt enough when peoples responses started coming like yours i felt better and better to know that my words touched someone means so much .. its true when i say everyday i feel better, i have some qualms every now and then of course but i dont let it distract me from the larger glorious whole! i have gone most of this life with my metaphorical head down to the ground.. no longer will i choose to hide away from life.. from now on i will GO! AND LIVE!

i have seen what the bleep?!!!$O#@% several times Wink love it
we really do control this

thanks again so much for your praise and blessings it means ALOT ♥
"once youve locked yourself into a serious drug collection the tendency is to push it as far as you can..." - hunter s. thompson

~~~~~~~~...You are me and i am you, i will always be with you...~~~~~~~~IAmUsWeYouMe~~~~~~~~
‹maxzar100› YOU are like acid
‹mattimus› dosesdosingdoses
 
PsilocybeChild
#43 Posted : 12/27/2009 1:12:56 PM

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"Let us toast to animal pleasures, to escapism, to rain on the roof and instant coffee, to unemployment insurance and library cards, to absinthe and good-hearted landlords, to music and warm bodies and contraceptives... and to the "good life", whatever it is and wherever it happens to be."
— Hunter S. Thompson
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psychosisdoses
#44 Posted : 1/16/2010 11:44:35 PM

Derek


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though only loosely related to OP i thought some people may be interested in what me an mamapsy have been talking about lately

mamapsy wrote:
> I need someone to hug me so badly Derek,



then i want you to hug yourself. one thing you must remember is to have love for yourself. another thing is we are we.. in that i mean i am you and you are me now i dont mean literally however at the same time i do mean quite literally. you will find yourself in people no matter how deep it is. the things people go through or the things people think and say are where you
will notice yourself, and you must have love for all of it. when you embrace love for all your life instantly gets better, what you put out to the world is what you get back. when bad things happen the trick is to not sweat it. i know that sounds like ludicrous advice but really it is the best advice.
because untill you are dieing you cant say things are truly bad they are only rather unfortunate. this life can be tough as we all know the secret is how you deal with things, you cant let them get to you or itll eat you away. look how sick my sister makes her self its a perfect example. when you see this unconscious self affliction you want to shake sense into the person and scream at them to just be happy and itll be okay! but some people just dont understand.. all the comfort you need you can find in yourself, its all there. so i want you to hug yourself and know that its not only you nor me but all of us and we love us. have faith in my words there is no greater truth.


mamapsy wrote:
I understand the message on all levels, deeply I do. But touch remains a basic human need that I have found no way of meeting in isolation over these past 16 years. Maslow's Hierarcy of needs, a person has to have the basic needs met in order to have a foundation to aspire towards the highest needs of self-actualization. In so trying to deny my needs, I have denied my humaness. I wouldn't do that to someone else either!
Philosophie vs necessity I guess.....leaves a big hole in me that gets uncovered whenever stress pushes me to the edge.



"a person has to have the basic needs met in order to have a foundation to aspire towards the highest needs of self-actualization. "

yes this is exactly why it is always worth trying to be open and forgiving.. we all need love and tomorrow is always a new day and new chance. it is never too late to change things. know that i am there with you always even if not in the physical form you are not alone i love you and my love is everywhere. as i have told you and as you on some level have always known i am a shaman and i will change the world on the individual level, it has already begun. embrace my words i will lead you into the light and deliver you from the darkness. have faith that everything will be okay and soon you will appreciate all you have been through good or bad for it made you the strong person you are. i love you, smile it always makes things better.

mamapsy wrote:
Smile I will count on your words! I'm proud of you. I always knew you had so much to offer....you were just afraid to let that side out.
"once youve locked yourself into a serious drug collection the tendency is to push it as far as you can..." - hunter s. thompson

~~~~~~~~...You are me and i am you, i will always be with you...~~~~~~~~IAmUsWeYouMe~~~~~~~~
‹maxzar100› YOU are like acid
‹mattimus› dosesdosingdoses
 
psychosisdoses
#45 Posted : 1/17/2010 4:32:04 AM

Derek


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This Will Help The Pieces Fit
You Must Have Faith
I
Am

Red Cosmic Dragon



Tone 13: Cosmic - Universal Movement


Red Dragon is your Conscious Self - who you are and who you are becoming.

Red Dragon represents the root source of life, the nurturance and support of primary being, and within it are found the primal waters of unity. This is where your deepest roots receive true nourishment. Red Dragon is the energy of form contained within the formlessness of the primordial sea.

Primal trust means making choices with no guarantees, knowing that divine nurturance will provide what is needed for your journey. It means making choices moment by moment, implicitly trusting your innate steering mechanism of heart-knowing. Primal trust implies surrendering to the will of the divine self, letting go of what your ego deems to be control of the outcomes in your life. It means deeply trusting the processes that are at work within your present spiral of evolution.

The energy of Red Dragon asks you to embrace the depth of your receptivity. Perhaps you have been taught that it is better to give than to receive. Giving is a powerful way to learn how to receive, but it is not the whole picture. There is a circuit of completion in giving and receiving that happens within you and in your external world at the same time. If you trust unconditionally in the giving, you are not attached to how the gift is received. When you freely give, you fill your cup with sweet waters, which you can then offern innocently and purely to another. Know, on one level, that your gift is poured out universally regardless of how it appears to be received. However, when the gift comes from the ego, it is limited by expectations and conditions. Love just is. It is neither given nor taken; rather it is simply discovered and allowed.

The universe is an inseparable whole. Red Dragon represents the energy matrix lines that look like a web in the universe, through which all points are connected in time and space. This energetic web of communication is known as the 'crystal grid network.' It is a cauldron of creation, a potent field in which all things are not only possible but constantly being created. Within this grid, the linear causality of time and space has been freed into an open system in which all time and all space exist and interact simultaneously. This grid connects the larger holograms of reality with our own. Its energy lines connect all places, times and events - even those that are seemingly unrelated. All phenomena and all actions are part of this larger whole; it is the very foundation for telepathy and synchronicity. Red Dragon embodies unity, in which all things are one with the Source.



Red Serpent is your Higher Self & Guide.

"I am the flint and tinder of the sacred fire," reads the meditation for Red Serpent. In the Great Mystery, flint and tinder represent the instinctive combustion that initiates movement in the physical body toward union with Spirit. When flint and tinder are brought together, the spark of divinity awakens and ignites the fire of your essence. Red Serpent invites the purifying spark of the sacred fire, the kundalini, to align and integrate your body, mind and spirit. Red Serpent can help you uncover apparent blockages in specific chakras to clear an align them. If you are working on a process of purification, invite Red Serpent to assist you.
Red Serpent's symbol is the serpent, representing healing and wholeness. This Mayan medicine can remove toxins, rejuvenate and transform dis-ease. Red Serpent is also known by the Maya as the kultanlilni, or kundalini, the energy that moves up from the base of the spine and out through the crown chakra. There are two aspects of this force, the ida and the pingala, representing its male and female polarities. One of the ancient secrets of Red Serpent is the activation of higher states of consciousness through balancing these two polarities so that they dance within us as one. Another metaphor for this serpent energy comes from the Mayan words luk umen tun ben can, or "those absorbed by the serpent of the sacred knowledge." When the seven chakras are fully activated, one experiences an enlightened state.

Red Serpent represents the basic structural apparatus of your motivations, instincts, desires, and your innate movement toward wholeness. Red Serpent asks you to shed the skin of your past and step into the fires of alchemical transmutation. In this, rebirth is revealed. This desire is an innate response encoded in the depths of your being.

With the energy of Red Serpent, you learn to use the innate intelligence of the body. In this culture you may have become separated from this wisdom. It works like this: when you suppress and ignore your issues, your body receives and retains the unconscious metaphors of that which is ignored. This may be expressed through physical symptoms that bring your unconscious issues to conscious awareness. When this happens, work toward a more conscious relatonship with your body - and work with the physical metaphors in order to heal yourself on all levels.

The body has a specific kind of consciousness through which messages are clearly delivered. In fact, the body itself is a living metaphor that mirrors your mind, emotions and spirit. However, the body also remembers all it has experienced, and consequently holds the consciousness of the past within it, including past wounds and traumas. In healing these, remember the innocence of your body. Treat it with love and respect. Open yourself to be aware of its messages and metaphors rather than storing them. Be willing to look at the positive intent beneath any symptoms or physical process your body is using to communicate. Explore whatever it may be asking you to see.

In this alignment process, you can use images or energies that come to you in meditation or dreams. Journey through your body to catalyze and explore any sensations, colors, shapes, or images. In these times we have a profound opportunity to transcend both our physical and our spiritual genetics. The body's integration provides an unparalleled opportunity for personal evolution. Learn to expand and utilize your senses to access your body's wisdom and vitality. Don't 'think' about it; simply allow your body to sense intuitively the solutions necessary for change and growth.

Red Serpent also represents the connection between powerful physical/ecstatic experiences and the light of higher consciousness. This is an initiation of awakening through the body and senses, rather than in negation of them. As Jose Arguelles says in The Mayan Factor, "Like the Maya, we shall understand that the path to the stars is through the senses." Within the body are held the keys to fully awakening our consciousness. This deeper understanding is expressed in tantric practices, where spirituality and sexuality are integrated and honoured as a means to enlightenment. Red Serpent represents the integration of mind, body and spirit.

Red Serpent is associated with the sacred tools of the drum and the rattle. Drums and rattles can break down old patterns or bring energy into alignment.


Yellow Sun is your Subconscious Self and Hidden Helper.

Yellow Sun is a reminder that you are, at every moment, in the center of All That Is. In your journey of remembrance, you are crafting a light body to return to a home in the stars that you never really left. Return as a child of the sacred to the Great Central Sun! You are the crown of creation, infused with the blueprint of solar mind. You are a Godseed, the reflection of cosmic consciousness. You are love made visible!

Discover the simple secret encoded in Ahau's star-glyph: you are unconditional love, the stone of indestructible liberation. Radiate that knowing in all your thoughts and actions. Love all of creation. Join the dance of light, the fundamental constant of nature, and shine forth the clarity of your true essence. There is great power in simply identifying with the light: "As above, so below." You are in God, and God is in you.

As you express unconditional love, you become more than you previously perceived yourself to be. You become illumined, the full manifestation of your divinity. In the embrace of your humanity, accept yourself and others unconditionally. Magnify your full presence. Ahau will come in myriad forms to assist you. Be limitless. Accept and understand the nature of judgement, fear, light and dark within yourself and others. Love and accept yourself and others as you are, freed from previous boundaries. You are the dawning of the solar age.

As you move toward your core of light, you will find a clear-light awareness that is innately innocent. In this place, the mind is restored to it's original state of receptivity. Clarity and freedom become expressions of being, and bliss becomes the body. At this core of light, a new reality is born. From the union of the divine masculine and feminine is birthed the solar androgyny of cosmic consciousness.


Blue Monkey represents your Challenge and Gift. With maturity and awareness this challenge will turn into a Focus. This is what you desire to learn in this lifetime.

There are many facets to Blue Monkey's shadow. The most common of these is not seeing the humour in life's experiences. If you take life too seriously, humour may offer the relief of an unexpected point of view. Follow your divine child, and you will be shown how to "play" your way through any apparently difficult situation. Humour is a great healer and teacher, and a wonderful way to lighten up about enlightenment.

Another prominent shadow of Blue Monkey is avoiding speaking your truth. Do you use humour to express things that you are afraid to say to someone honestly and directly? Do you use humour to hide your vulnerability? Perhaps you use sarcasm because you feel wounded, insecure or unable to express your deep feelings. Such use of humour is a way to bring out hidden anger or aggression. If you find yourself caught in inappropriate play, consciously step out of it and bring in the missing awareness.

Trust your magical child to be vulnerable. Express your feelings - especially your awkwardness - in a direct way. Let go of using pretense or humour as means of masking your true feelings. Like the divine child you are, allow all emotions to be OK, and freely express them without judgement.

The issue of sensitivity also lies in the shadows of Blue Monkey. Perhaps your inner child was unthinkingly wounded or suppressed by social expectation. Perhaps your gift of sensitivity was not supported by parental figures or the culture at large. In order to protect yourself from this criticism, you may have withdrawn, supprssed your self-expression and creativity, or become absorbed in fantasy worlds. Honestly examine any dynsfunctional, hidden reactions or set patterns you may have that resulted from such woundings. Transform this shadow by becoming aware of your emotional reactions and perceptions of insensitivity. Then express the feelings around it before you get too deeply enmeshed in the cycle of emotional reaction.

In Western culture, many people have a distorted understanding about what it is to be a human being. We are often taught that successful adults are responsible, serious, rigid, controlled, and goal oriented. In your journey with society, your developmental stages may have been incomplete. The natural sensitivity, fluidity and freedom of the child may have been left behind in partial passage. Perhaps your inner child was wounded or treated insensitively, and you carried this unresolved process into adulthood. Blue Monkey encourages you to bring forth this incomplete or wounded part for integration and healing.

This process implies a bounteous connection between Essence Self and Spirit, freed from judgement, denial and separation. It encourages an unconstrained experience of feelings, living your dreams and visions, where everything is sacred and so, by nature, humourous and joyful. Live your dreams! The moment is now. In this co-creative process, your life literally becomes a work of art and the dawning of the new myth.

In this new myth, your spontaneous, divine child will usher in and anchor the new frequency. How can you heal your inner child? Explore what truly gives you joy. Find types of work that support your sensitivity and create deep satisfaction. Be simple: love, play, dance, draw, colour, sing. These activities are for all divine children - they serve the expression of the magical child in everyone. Consciously make time for the joyful freedom and magic of play!


White Mirror is your Compliment - something that comes naturally to you.

White Mirror represents the Hall of Mirrors, where you can face your own reflection and see the truth about yourself. As a mirror, White Mirror merely reflects what is, whether truth, beauty or illusion. Here you can face unfinished business, the dissonance of difficulties, or charged issues that would keep you from the full expression of your Divinity. Become aware of any illusions or distortions within yourself; your clarity of perception will transform them. Take a moment to see yourself as you actually are, shadow and all, freed from the maze of mental illusion.

Sometimes you may find yourself reacting rather than freely responding to a situation or person. If you have charged reactions such as frustration, anger, fear, judgement or jealousy, look at how you might be projecting these issues onto someone else. The world is the mirror for you to truly see. Any strong reaction to a person or event signals an issue to work on in yourself. Be willing to examine and utilize what you see in your mirrors, in order to transform dysfunctional belief systems, negative thoughtforms, and fixed patterns.

In the Hall of Mirrors there is no good or bad, no right or wrong - there is only the reflection of what is. As you learn to see yourself, you begin to see your emotional reactions as signs indicating where to focus your awareness for growth.

On this quest, come prepared to face White Mirror's sword of truth and purification. The wisdom of this sword penetrates, exposes, and ultimately heals your illusions. Discrimination is tempered with love cleanly cuts away everything that does not serve your evolution. To the Maya, White Mirror is the flint that hones your sword.

The greatest gift of the sword is the power of forgiveness. A profound freedom emerges from forgiveness, the releasing of the illusion of cause and effect. Use the great gifts offered in this blad of truth and light to forgive and release anything you may judge or see as imperfect.

You are already an Enlightened Being!

White Mirror's are able to clearly reflect others back to themselves once their own mirror is clear.

Your Tone is Tone 13 - Cosmic

Wild card, unseen forces, unexpected change, open system, touch of destiny, interdimensional shift.

Thirteen is the ray of universal movement, the foundation of self within the foundation of Essence Self combined with the rhythm of the trinity. The Cosmic Tone of 13 touches you with the hand of unseen forces and radical change. It will catalyze into movement whatever resists change or is unexamined or stationary. You are being touched by fate, moved through identifications of self into open consciousness.

Olin, the Mayan goddess of movement, asks you to surrender to the perfection of the larger pattern of your Essence Self. From the perspective of surrender and trust, what movement is being called for? Pay attention to synchronicities and seeming coincidences that jump into your awareness. Thirteen provides the possibility of a radical "frequency shift," offering you limitless new openings. Become a skywalker. Be open and flexible, allowing changing reference points to become dynamic allies. Open to the workings of destiny offered by universal movement.

***

These excerpts were taken from the amazing book, "The Mayan Oracle - Return Path to the Stars" by Ariel Spilsbury & Michael Bryner - Click here to email Ariel and purchase a signed copy!






so you must remember have faith in the chaos theres always order in it
everything will be okay
as it always has been
here under these stars we are safe
this is for us
be happy
Very happy
"once youve locked yourself into a serious drug collection the tendency is to push it as far as you can..." - hunter s. thompson

~~~~~~~~...You are me and i am you, i will always be with you...~~~~~~~~IAmUsWeYouMe~~~~~~~~
‹maxzar100› YOU are like acid
‹mattimus› dosesdosingdoses
 
jamie
#46 Posted : 1/17/2010 4:51:28 AM

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Salvia divinorum expert | Skills: Plant growing, Ayahuasca brewing, Mushroom growingSenior Member | Skills: Plant growing, Ayahuasca brewing, Mushroom growing

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wonderful psychosis!..you have a beautiful soul brother.
Long live the unwoke.
 
mattritt
#47 Posted : 1/23/2010 1:02:51 AM

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Psy, I am so glad to hear that you are feeling so great about life these days. When I had first started talking to you on the chat you seemed very down on life as you had just broken up with your girlfriend. its great to hear that youve figured things out and are feeling much better. I also wish to have a talk such s this with my mom too. I wish you much luck in your future.

Much Love
Step forward into your cave. That's right. You're going deeper into your cave. And you're going to find, your power animal...

Imagine your pain as a white ball of healing light. It moves over your body, healing you. Now keep this going, remember to breathe, and step forward through the backdoor of the room. Where does it lead?
 
psychosisdoses
#48 Posted : 2/6/2010 8:37:23 AM

Derek


Posts: 1210
Joined: 12-Mar-2009
Last visit: 23-Jun-2011
Location: here there and everywhere
been a while so here

mamapsy wrote:

> Do you know a way to get infection off if its under Norton360 and probably Windows7; without having to wipe out hard drive? And could you walk me through it, or could we setup remote access and you do it on my screen?


psy wrote:
i really dont know
i may or may not be able to fix it
i dont understand how i can do the things i do they just simply are
it has to do with the way my brain works dominantly right brained
instinct intuition faith viewing the whole that is right brain
i dont know how to work on cars it just happens ;]
i am as much an awe struck observer as anyone else
the same can be said about the way i write...
i often reread things i have written an cant believe it came from me
theres alot of things i understand THROUGHLY but theres even more things that i dont
things that i cant even explain.. the wonder and mystery
what lays beyond is so inexplicable you get lost in it
adrift in the cosmos to be returned later... it makes you appreciate life more then you have ever imagined
and im sure you have tripped probably alot too knowing me
but believe me when i tell you i am SURE you havent seen 90% of what is whatever that may be
but then again neither have i.. its endless you see, all my experience as always isnt anything..
there is always more.. always building towards something grander..
im not just talking about "tripping" as in taking acid and getting "high"
i am talking about everything.. because thats what these chemicals really do
i know you can understand these things thats why i talk to you freely about it
i wasnt even trying to get into entheogen discussion in this email it just kinda happened
like i said i am and am not thinking through the things i do i am very much an observer
i know it can come across as obsession the way i talk about these things but its really awe
it is what it is and i love it all
and by that of course i mean i love you


mamapsy wrote:
No, actually I think I only tried tripping 2 or 3 times, and not sure I even got off on it. I just understand from my experiences of spiritual awakenings I've had- naturally though! I only got a a total of 4 years- was never the heavy drug addict my father made me out to be! Let's try working on it tomorrow ok!
Sweet dreams, send me pictures of the snow, and don't let my father plow his driveway himself!
Mom


psy wrote:
wow that is kinda surprising
and yes i know what you mean and how you understand
what is unlocked is quite vast.. words fail and it feels like a joke to describe it
and this vastness is unveiled to us not only through psychedelics of course
but the beauty is revealed in little ways.. more then i can even list but of course its needless to say
things just simply are and THAT is the beauty or at least a part of it
divinity deep down withinity
of every single thing
but of course no one thing is a single thing
there is no one thing that is in fact ONE thing if you can think of one ill make you cookies
because i havent been able to yet.. everything is something else
signing off from out here in orbit goodnight and goodluck <3



cosmic shit i knowz it
"once youve locked yourself into a serious drug collection the tendency is to push it as far as you can..." - hunter s. thompson

~~~~~~~~...You are me and i am you, i will always be with you...~~~~~~~~IAmUsWeYouMe~~~~~~~~
‹maxzar100› YOU are like acid
‹mattimus› dosesdosingdoses
 
GreenD
#49 Posted : 2/6/2010 4:40:04 PM
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Hello.

I'm GreenD.

PsychosisDoses, I'll explain something to you, and mind you I am only a year or two older than you, so remember this.

Yout mother is much older than you, and as she ages she will become more intuned to what she values in life. That is obviously you, her love for you, and he positivity on life itself. She had a spiritual awakening too I see, but now she has matured from it, she has been molded and is much more rigid than you. To her, your thoughts seem wonderful, however, as we become more mature in our life, she is most likely more apt to appreciate the little things. When we are young, such as you and I, we can appreciate vast changes in our thoughts; life changing experiences. The more mature we become, the less likely this is to happen because we become accepting of what we are, how we live, how we breathe, we become more stable.

Neither of these is a bad thing, in fact, both are necessary for our minds to work well, function well - in the society we have.

We have all thought about changing society, but it is grand, too grand, and our message is only just being unfolded by the masses... It may not happen in our life time, psy, but we can certainly try, we can certainly push with our insights, our views, our love and enlightenment. Our children and Children's children will be carriers of our words, if they so choose.

What I am saying, in short, is that you and I are still immature, and your mother is mature. You may want to help her, make her happier, but realize she is happy. And fix that virus on her computer, if you want, you can PM and I'll run you through the steps of getting rid of any virus.

Peace psy, remember that feeling for the rest of your life, and maybe, unlike my mother, you will be as flexible as a young twig in your mature days.
 
psychosisdoses
#50 Posted : 2/6/2010 10:18:00 PM

Derek


Posts: 1210
Joined: 12-Mar-2009
Last visit: 23-Jun-2011
Location: here there and everywhere
GreenD wrote:


What I am saying, in short, is that you and I are still immature, and your mother is mature. You may want to help her, make her happier, but realize she is happy. And fix that virus on her computer, if you want, you can PM and I'll run you through the steps of getting rid of any virus.

Peace psy, remember that feeling for the rest of your life, and maybe, unlike my mother, you will be as flexible as a young twig in your mature days.


oh um okay?
to be frank you dont really know the half of it
she desperately needs my help and no shes not happy

as my granpa would say..
"useless as tits on a boar hog."
"once youve locked yourself into a serious drug collection the tendency is to push it as far as you can..." - hunter s. thompson

~~~~~~~~...You are me and i am you, i will always be with you...~~~~~~~~IAmUsWeYouMe~~~~~~~~
‹maxzar100› YOU are like acid
‹mattimus› dosesdosingdoses
 
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