After 6 years of researching and a month or two of preparation, I finally felt ready to try my first experience with the molecule. I spent a few days preparing my mindset and making sure I felt safe in my surroundings with no loud noises, just my docile dog as a spirit guide. After an hour of meditation I felt I should start slow and work my way up, but that I didn’t need to stall any more.

Took 1 medium/large inhalation to get a feel for it, colours started to brighten, my blank TV started to warp in on itself. Things started to make sense when I realised my intellect / inner core was still functioning - this is not like other psychedelics. All the colours on my duvet started moving and meshing in with one another, everything was breathing and the euphoria was profound. Even though it was one hit, I was still massively tripping at this point already (by Lucy standards).

So I felt brave enough to take 2 more huge hits and held them in (perhaps 50-60mg+ at this point). Fast, geometrically perfect hexagons game across my vision. Knew I only had seconds to put the vape down, and also realised I had severely underestimated the sheer power of this molecule (absolutely impossible to completely prepare for). I laid down, heard a high pitched noise in my left ear (like microphone feedback), and I completely dissolved into the fabric of space - my whole body shattered around me and "I" was the only thing left. I became one with everything. I didn’t even know what a body was any more, time was not even a concept; all points in time existed at once, all matter existed as energy. Lights and colours shot around me incredibly fast. Completely ineffable.

I then saw a bright white light with golden winged, angel-like entity made of pure energy holding a square black-rimmed, transparent centered object in front of her, she radiated the most love I had ever felt in my life. She didn’t speak to me, but made me feel totally safe. The feeling completely enveloped me and I didn’t know who I was or where I was, but it didn’t matter. I could have existed here forever and I felt like she had been always with me; it was beyond beautiful. It meant everything.

I then blasted to another place, where my ego was slightly more attached, realised I existed and I was tripping balls, among a backdrop of multi-coloured bacteria(?). It felt very disorientating, I longed for the angel entity to come back. Up was down, and down was left and behind as well - concepts were meaningless in this 2D place. I felt flat, which is a thing I don’t have words to describe. This was accompanied with a scary feeling of meaningless and concepts being confused; what I like to describe as the absolute realisation of the arbitrary - This I had felt in unsettling parts of previous psychedelic trips - some which haunted me for months afterwards, though for some reason I was able to deal with it better this time and almost able to face it instead of immediately suppressing. I quickly remembered that this is a normal feeling for psychedelics and I should centre myself and remember my intention; to explore and observe the unknown universe, initiate myself in this quantum universe.

Everything went dark, and I then saw what appeared distinctly to be a soulless but very much alive geometric frog (which did not seem to have good intentions) crawling down the right corner of my vision before it showed me what seemed to be a series of black holes or black shapes surrounded by blue-green wispy nebula like energy. These black holes didn’t represent anything other than extreme despair, loneliness and death - the only places in this extra dimensional reality without love or hope. I then knew that it was imperative to remember that my inner core self exists and not get sucked into dark places as it might not end well for me. So I breathed steadily, and suddenly felt myself get pulled into my body and sat up. I had a body again.

Very soon, the geometric shapes clouded my vision again, my breathing sounded “angular”, the world started to seem more foreign and foreign and then everything turned into intense spinning fractals opening up before me, the world shattered and I completely left my body again while still sitting up this time - though I didn’t feel like I had anything to sit up with. I don’t quite remember the next bit, only the intense feeling of not knowing how long I had been in this state for. I tried to remember that this will end, and it’s only the fact my consciousness is in a place with no time which is causing this perception - though I was having doubts. I was then told telepathically (by an entity that I couldn’t see or perhaps couldn’t remember, but I believe to be the communication of the angel entity) that I shouldn’t worry, and my physical body is inextricably linked to my “self” and will call me back when the “key” has been dissolved. I didn’t remember much else from this part, but it was enough to reassure me and made me understand this molecule much better. I was also made aware that I need to fully let go of the human concept of fear and panic to face things honestly in order to navigate this realm effectively. This entity also made me see other things about myself that I’m only just starting to understand. She knew me better than I knew myself…

Sooner or later after what felt like years of non-corporeal existence, I suddenly got pulled back into my body again, had a brief cry of joy and fear and realised I was very thirsty. The taste of the molecule in my throat was highly distasteful and harsh. I somehow walked over to the sink, turned on the tap, and froze there for what felt like an hour, then quickly realised that the glass was full.
Drank some water and spilled it down my shirt, walked back over to the bed and stood still. Almost got sucked in again, though I didn’t want to as I didn’t feel emotionally capable of blasting off again and navigating potential mental obstacles, so I started doing regular breathing, and telling myself that I’m only able to stand and get water because it’s starting to wear off.

So, I sat down on the bed and came to the realisation that I’m back in my body for good. I had to relearn what hands are, that I have ears and legs and a body, along with what their functions are in this 3D world. It was like being reborn back into my body. Geometric patterns and breathing still clouded my vision somewhat but I knew that it was wearing off.

I’m writing this now still with my home icons breathing and my dog’s fur in super sharp clarity. Still feel a little weird, buzzing body load and “trippiness”, along with rediscovering what hunger feels like and suddenly drifting in and out of “that” headspace, however, it’s slowly but surely fading out.

—————

This was simultaneously nothing like what I expected, and everything that I expected. I felt everything that there is to feel, I also felt maybe inches away from insanity at the very same time as feeling strong enough to continue with the experience and being proud of myself for getting through some difficult traps that the frog entity set for me - was almost like my strength of mind was being tested. Everything happened so fast, but also took an eternity. It was absolutely terrifying at times, but awe inspiring beyond words. It was everything, and nothing, the end and the beginning, all at the same time.

I’m now gaining a new appreciation for things during the after effects. I still occasionally am getting the unsettling trippy feeling but also even the mundane has things of value and interest. Everything has something interesting in it. Some things, such as Buddhist meditation bells in particular now have some spiritual connotation that is hard to explain - something I never had and appreciation of before.

This is definitely not for the faint of heart. Set and setting, spiritual preparation, meditation, intention and firm knowledge that you’re not in physical danger is imperative for this type of journey. Proper integration and feeling your feelings is important post-experience. It is clearly an entheogen and not anything remotely recreational. This experience definitely will not be a regular occurrence for me as it is so intense…

Now for the rest of my integration.

[Later Edit: I would advise people not to do this at midnight like I did. You’ll be so exhausted afterwards that integrating that late will be hard, and you’ll be increasingly aware of the after effects. Whole body buzzing and super human awareness of re-learning your own body processes will continue coming and going for many hours, and your dreams might be increasingly trippy / reliving hyperspace along with the illusion that your heart rate is faster than it really is. After several hours I confirmed mine was 78 BPM and then was able to get some sleep finally.]

Thank you for the post, very interesting read.

Can I ask, the angelic being you describe, did it look something like this?
https://imgur.com/a/9UN0G62

Sorry for the crude illustration

Yeah, I don't like tripping at night. I can't sleep afterwards, and especially if I drank any sort of tea. I don't think it's anxiety; I think it chemically disrupts your sleep somehow. But wow, your experience... I'm surprised you can remember as many details as you did. An interesting read!

Thank you for all the kind words. Even though it's the next day, I still feel like my consciousness has been removed and put back into my body. It's pretty incredible.

The angel-like entity I saw was definitely like the one linked by AfternoonViking. I've spent the last few hours trying to composite an image of the entity I met. Thankfully it was such a profound experience that the image of her has been burned to my memory.

https://ibb.co/47JJWD4

The "Wings" were more like intense rays of light that only resembled wings. I could see how it could have been interpreted as 7 or 8 arms. Though I haven't been able to accurately composite the rays of light how I remember. Also the black box that she held was some sort of device, with the extra horizontal line going through the top portion. I didn't know what it did, but it was there. Behind her were what resembled steps going up, and energy pillars beside her.

Try repeating Mantra sometime, I've used "I am the manifestation of consciousness, within the light and love of God"
and I ended up being "picked up" by a spiritual dragon made of white light that flew me upwards into a world of pure universal Spirit. It shot fireworks of orange fractals to celebrate the understanding, then flew through the Spirit.
It's mostly a subtle white light with streaks of light blues and greys, it's very Divine and intelligent.
If you put your hand across your heart and feel inwards you feel incredible qualities of purity and love, noble, kindness.
You feel and understand that it is You, beyond the concepts of who we thought we were. You feel in the direct presence of God, not only that you feel no separation from God. God and "You" they become the same thing because it's one light shining through you and everything in the Universe.

You can also get there consciously through pure understanding, when you start with DMT most of us find we are in what I call the meaningless dimension. It's the blackness filled with bright neon lights, pinks, yellows.. child like, like a hyper space cartoon show. It's like a childrens nursery with no meaning, just playful and fun.
You can either stay there and be distracted by it all, which is what most people do thinking " this is it "
Or you can consciously understand that you are consciousness, in a universe made of consciousness and it expands in all directions from meaningless to meaningful, from black to light, from bright colours to white light. From no feeling to pure love. From that understanding, you can slowly move upwards through that meaningless dimension upwards into more and more meaning, more and more light, and see points of light merging to a single point above you. When you reach it you come to the same space, the universal spirit. The Atman / Holy Spirit. It's the pure light of consciousness that flows through all beings, and is your real Self. That's my current understanding, beyond that you can even go past the light of Spirit. If you repeat "I am not the body, I am not even the mind" you'll see that the white light rolls away like a cloud revealing a black infinite Void of no-thing. It's the most real thing I've ever experienced, it was like the Absolute reality.

People waste their time with DMT going around these bright colourful play pens that distract you from asking "Who am I?" You can even ask that Question while in the Spirit. It showed me a Buddha being of golden light. Everyone is the Buddha, everyone is Enlightened, they just don't know it. SUB EK - All One.

"It is the notion of 'you' and 'I' by which your mind has been held captive all along." Anandamayi Ma

There is no 'you' or 'I' only the Self alone exists. When we wake up from our separateness we can start to work on ourselves to reduce the ego, and try to love everyone as a manifestation of the Beloved. Wake up from the idea that we are somebody. The real Self is beyond Space and Time.

amazing

You did a good job with your angel depiction. I've seen something similar before breaking through. The angel was the holder of light.

An astonishing and nicely-written account. Quite amazing in fact to this neophyte... especially since my first DMT experience the other day was pretty horrible.

Will look forward to more from you, QuantumInquisitor!