I thought I'd preface this by saying that I've never had visuals or broken through (likely due to the SNRI anti-depressants I take (Desvenlafaxine/Pristiq)). I do get the bodyload and vibrations all over, but only very vague, transparent floating visuals.

Tonight I decided I'd put down my motar quartz coil and revisit my original method of smoking DMT – the sandwich method. This method I find to be a truer and more potent method to get where you need to go. And given how things went tonight, I'll probably stick to the sandwich method despite the residual smokey/DMTy smell after the event.

I decided this time I'd use peppermint as my base herb. Previously I'd used parsley as I didn't want to use weed as I've heard it can mute the effects, but found it an unusual taste. I loaded up about 30mg of DMT in the bowl of the pipe and covered it up with the herb.

I lay back in my usual spot, light up the bowl and draw in a deep inhalation. I can tell that the smoke is laden with DMT by how it feels as it hits the back of my throat. I hold it there for about 10 seconds (all that I can manage). I exhale and immediately feel "altered". In my vision, on the floor in front of me, I watch what I can only describe what looks like a swarm of colourless, paisley-looking, transparent clouds of matter hovering and rippling. I study it intently for about a minute, trying to work out what shapes it's forming and whether I can see anything more in it. "Wow," I say, in awe of this magical and active layer which I've summoned into my presence.

I place the mouthpiece back to my lips, strike the flint and pull back another deep and meaningful lungful and hold it. Again, I can only manage 10 seconds max. I blow it out. I close my eyes (no visuals) and feel a rippling sensation under my crossed legs. It's as if I'm floating on a magic carpet and being massaged at the same time. It's very calming and relaxing. The body load is getting heavier and my mind feels as if it's being compressed. "Show me something," I whisper. Only moments later, I feel that the room is changing in several ways at once. Things are starting to get very sharp, brighter and are losing their colour. I look around and it feels like things are speeding up, that something is closing in on me. I start to hear a slight "crackling" in my ears and know that this is a positive sign, having read of this before. I start to panic a little, not knowing what is to come next and my mind is racing. My senses are heightened. I'm feeling that this is the furthest I've travelled without a breakthrough, in the 10 times I've smoked it. My eyes are darting all around me. My environment looks familiar and unfamiliar at the same time. It's throwing me. I then feel that something is in front of me but I can't make out what it is. I think a pinhole of light is shining down before me (or am I imagining it?) and I feel it wants me to go to it. The thought crosses my mind that I'm actually dying and it's at this point that while I'm able to think rationally enough, that I should pull the pin on this experience, all the while the "high" is intensifying even a minute after my last exhalation.

"Not now, not now.. sorry, please not now" I say to the room, trying to snap myself out of this foreign stupor I'm in. I get up and pace around, my fingers running through my hair, trying to calm myself down and escape this sensation that is swallowing me. It starts raining outside. I open my garage door and walk outside into the rain, hoping it will put the brakes on my journey for the night. I walk in circles around the cars, talking to myself. It's grip is loosening and I begin to feel in control as my body and mind overrides the invisible force which I called upon. I feel stupid. I say sorry into the ether and say that I will properly commit to giving in the next time we meet again.

I've never actually guided somebody through a DMT trip, so I can only speak from my own experience. And everybody's experience is likely to be different.

My experience with psychedelics in general is that some amount of panic is likely to pop up at some point. The key for me when I get those feelings is just to let go and submit to the substance COMPLETELY. Once reality (as you know it) starts to crumble, the ego has a tendency to tell you, "This isn't right. Everything is fucked up. I'm not supposed to feel like this. Holy shit, I'm dying!" This is where the term "ego death" is often brought up. You have to be able to say "Fuck you ego. We're doing this shit and it's gonna be fucking awesome." Then take a deep breath, relax and buckle up for an amazing ride.

I've had a couple trips that started off with some anxiety, but by the time the I fully blasted off it put me in such a beautiful and blissful place where anxiety just didn't exist anymore. At that point I'm just in awe at what I'm seeing and feeling. And I really believe once you get "there" for the first time and "come back" safe and sound, you'll be more likely to wanna go back again and those worries will be a thing of the past.

Things to remember going into the experience... DMT will not kill you. And the trip is so short, you will be back to "normal" in almost no time. And you have to remember that you're taking a substance that is intended to distort reality and there will be absolutely nothing "normal" about it. Don't try to fight it or control it. Let it have its way with you. It will love you unconditionally in ways you never imagined. Even if it does take you down a temporary dark spiral, you can't be fearful or try to fight in that moment. It might be trying to show you something you've been struggling with subconsciously and bring it to the surface. It might also give you the answers you're looking for to get through that pain and show you that everything will be ok. It always seems to remind me that the things I stress about are so tiny in comparison to the bigger picture and they're not even worth the energy I give them.

Now I really can't speak on using DMT on anti-depressants. I've tripped on alprazolam and had some amazing experiences even though many people claim it would kill the trip. I also understand that SSRI's and SNRI's affect the brain differently than benzos. I have heard that MAOI's and SSRI's can be a potentially deadly combination. But as long as you're smoking DMT with no MAOI, I imagine it's safe. Though some say the experience may be lessened due to the anti-depressants. So it's possible you're dealing with that. It does sound like you were very close to a breakthrough though. One more hit may have sent you there.

I'd highly recommend sitting somewhere and remaining seated through your experience though. Pacing around the garage high on DMT is much more dangerous than just using DMT by itself. It's best to lay back in bed or on the couch while you're blasting through hyperspace. A relaxing/safe set and setting may also help you put your mind at ease and open yourself up to take on the adventure.

I wish I could be of more help. Again, I can only speak from my own experiences. But I wish you the best of luck on your DMT journeys going forward.