Hey. So, I’m not sure where to start or what to really say, but figured I should make this post anyways since do want to be active and contribute where ever possible. I’ll just ramble on until get tired I guess.
I was a late bloomer into the world of substances. Growing up where I did, saw a lot of bad examples; gang violence, people that were best friends at each other’s throats from coke withdraws, etc. Even though most of my actual close friends growing up were thankfully moderate with just smoking weed daily, dropping cid or X every now and then, I never had an incline to even try anything once. I just drank whenever had a chance to sneak stuff from my parent’s liquor cabinet since middle school.
The only thing that did grab my attention though early on was hearing my friends cid stories. Always fascinated me, and couldn’t fathom how hallucinations could even be possible.
Reflecting on it now I think I honestly never got curious simply because in high school wasn’t hanging with the best crowds a good portion of time and figured having a blunt on me or something would’ve landed me in jail from frisks, and I would’ve been right on numerous occasions.
Either way, fast forwarding and life issues arising I had built up a fairly bad depression. At this point I started getting heavily into music and specifically classic rock and metal. Learning guitar, I saw how universally drugs were involved in my idols lives and how they attributed so much creativity to them so hanging with my friends on our daily smoke driving route I told them I’m down to partake in the activity lol. They were beyond excited and proceeded to get me trashed. Needless to say, I was hooked, instantly fell in love with Mary Jane at 19.
Finally understood why it was so loved, and really helped me open up and confront my denials of depression. Eventually year later or so did try shrooms a few times, robotripped (worst feeling ever imo), would do pure mdma at gettys, did salvia a few times as well (really crap quality unknowingly).
So I owe a ton of thanks to MJ, because my life and open-mindedness did significantly improve but I was smoking pretty much 24/7 after that first night. Back then we just called all high-grade stuff Chronic, later find out was mainly stuff like OG Kush and Sour Diesel. So, from never touching it to being stoned out my mind at all times for a few years really started taking its toll. I smoked myself stupid, to the point I was scaring myself and went cold turkey. Figured I needed a drastic change in my life style and get away from life issues, ended up joining the Marine Corps.
Fast forwarding yet again, thankfully to the shit medical care of the Navy and bad leadership from my unit, ended up developing a lot of health issues. Plus had a traumatic event with a family member dying. So now had Insomnia, manic depression, anxiety, bad anger issues, and multiple physical injuries. VA being the pill farm they are, just got me hooked on pills and constantly changing medications that never worked for over 6 years.
Based on all the side effects, constant withdrawals, wrong prescriptions, etc . I was becoming extremely suicidal for a few years now. Only reason held myself back was I didn’t want to have my parents live through that. Never did attempt thankfully as I wasn’t going to test the waters as most do, would’ve jumped right in and would’ve been incredibly easy for me. For one, ton of firearms but so extremely pro 2nd amendment I would never consider that as refuse to ever be used as another propaganda statistic. I had it down to a flip of a coin. Either drive head on into a semi while we both doing 80+mph or pick up a lethal dose of heroin and drift away peacefully.
Either way, side effects of the anti-depressant I was current on was getting so bad I would spend literally every waking moment debating myself why am I still breathing.
Some how that finally came into realization and went cold turkey on that crap, and decided rather live with the depression and anger than risk it any longer. The withdraws took months to get over but finally by Nov 2019 I finally felt “normal”ish after so long.
By this point I had already started researching all the new studies that had been coming up on how psilocybin essentially restarts the brain, curing people of these issues and more.
So, I went heavily into researching PF Tek and mono tubs, researching salvia again too.
I started watching some interviews with Joe Rogan, and well yeah, the classic “have you ever done DMT?”
I had never even heard of it before this point, and instantly got drawn to it like I think so many people do. I became almost obsessed researching it for almost 6 months. I grew up Catholic, but early on I felt that it was nonsense and became Atheist as early as probably 10years old. It wasn’t until I was already 21 that I started questioning that aspect. Had few events that I realized felt too much to be a “coincidence” and started considering spirituality and considered myself Agnostic. So, learning about DMT made me super intrigued.
Ordered me some Spores, Salvia extracts and 500g MHRB.
When finally learning extraction techniques for DMT, I end up reading up on MAOi’s and the interactions. I was still taking about 5 other pills at this point. Including this ridiculous cocktail every night, as my insomnia is horrible and would go up to 5 days awake. Even with triple max dosing Ambien, a bunch of muscle relaxers, anxiety meds, over the counter zzzqul, etc and then occasionally from desperation even washing down with a couple glasses of whiskey.
So, it dawned on me, yeahhhh… why have I never considered looking into issues with interactions of what I’m currently taking daily, not just because of the MAOi’s.
Turns out even with me not abusing my prescriptions and just the dosages the VA had me on with their complete lack of care and incompetence, my brain should’ve been slowed down to the point I should’ve stopped breathing or entered a coma the times I did finally fall asleep. Some how I was playing Russian roulette for over 6 years!
So needless to say I instantly went cold turkey on all that crap, and decided to say F the VA and I started to self-medicate simply with natural plants, vitamins, etc from here on out.
Some how DMT literally saved my life.
At this point I decided I’m going full blown Psychonaut.
I finally decided to take my first substance in over 10 years, Salvia 10x. Thinking how weak my experiences were when had done in the past, they were always laid back and CEV. I loaded up a big bowl, cleared it in 1 rip, and loaded another 1 and cleared it as well.
Holy ___! Insanely terrifying is an understatement.
This is beyond long enough already, and hope yall enjoyed so far, so I’ll prob share the trip experience / journal in another thread. But to sum up, I could not close my eyes, I just roamed around on my property in fear and experienced Ego Death to the max. I was always nihilistic, but now had all these new existential questions and revelations, instantly confirmed and became spiritual, an extreme newfound appreciation for nature, and so much more in those short 10min. Read up on erowid later that I did over the Max dosage, so surprised I didn’t just pass out, and based on the Stage rankings I definitely hit the 5.
After came out of it, I could not express how long its been since I experienced true happiness, probably since I was a child or when earned that Eagle Globe and Anchor. Either way, this decision was absolutely confirmed within my mind to be a Psychonaut.
Since then I been nonstop reading on shamanism, theories and creation of religions, history of these substances outside of our western world philosophies, and so much more.
I went through a 2nd terrifying Ego Death experience with Salvia. I also have done DMT finally 2x now.
I have 2 cakes of Golden Teacher, and 3 cakes of Penis Envy in the grow chamber about to get first pins any day now.
Might be ordering soon San Pedro to do Mescaline extractions.
I have a new found appreciation for chemistry as well, always been great at working with my hands and a perfectionist, so been having a ton of fun as well making all this stuff.
I still have so much to learn, and looking forward to growing with yall.
Seriously, I want to thank you for taking the time to read this. Definitely down to help the community any way I can.
Cheers.
