Have been wanting to get in the habit of writing down my trips so I figured I'd start here.

This trip was rue only with no DMT. I ended up taking 0.6g of what seemed to be reasonably pure mix of harmalas obtained from a long boil and then a crude manske. Product was a tan color.

I hadn't taken a high dose harmala trip yet but had been dosing them in small to medium amounts for the past few weeks before this, up to 3-4g of 30x caapi extract. Hadn't got any nausea or been incapacitated at all like I've heard many say, so I wanted to try a high dose and experience a harmala only trip. Was night time and I sprinkled some extract in my tea to get started and waited till I felt it. Started getting more and more relaxed/happy like usual, and started to feel a little harder to move around. I was sitting at my chair and started feeling it quite significantly and wanted to lay down, so I prepared everything. Laid down and continued ingesting more till I was at a the desired level. Started feeling it quite a lot and lights/sounds became quite overwhelming. Had to turn off the music and set my laptop aside as I no longer wanted to listen to it. Laid down for a bit and enjoyed very subtle patterns and faces. Didn't feel like I was on a psychedelic really but I felt kind of sleepy and dreamy. I was thinking about the 'plant consciousness' theory many people have. Haven't experienced it yet but was wondering of something would try to communicate with me. I imagined/saw a feminine presence and at a certain point got the thought/saw the female presence smoking a pipe seeming to signal to me. The visuals were quite subtle if any so it's hard to call them full visuals. Was more just a dreamy imaginary type state. They were also much influenced just by what I was thinking or wondering about, so I think that played into it. Anyway, I saw that and thought it might be a good idea to get my pipe incase I wanted to smoke a little DMT on this. Got that together and took the rest of what I had planned to, then laid down and closed my eyes.

This is when the real trip started. I had only been taking small amounts so far so I didn't have a good gauge as to how long it took to kick in. After sitting in bed 20 minutes I realized I was feeling a little overwhelmed with body load/nausea but was still coming up and had a while to go until I peaked. Quickly realized that DMT was not going to get smoked as I spent the next few hours struggling and meditating through the experience, although it wasn't bad, just quite a lot of body load and not something I want to do often. Mentally it was quite a nice trip. It became very hard to move and the first thing I noticed was, oddly, how it felt a bit like ketamine which I used to use. I felt dissociated from my body, a little differently from how it happens on K. If I closed my eyes a while I could forget where my arms were and not feel I was on my bed anymore. I also found the spinny/drunk feeling a bit similar to K. My body felt a bit distorted at times and I kind of lost track of it. I also noticed similar visuals to K in some aspects, I closed my eyes and saw these kind of 'vortexes' that are typical for me on K that seem to get bigger or smaller as I dissociate. The other thing it felt quite similar to is sensations I have got while trying to WILD while lucid dreaming, or meditating before bed.

I was enjoying that for a bit but unlike K the body load just kept rising higher and higher. At a certain point, I noticed I could make the body load go away entirely if I 'meditated' correctly. Easier said than done though. This meant staying aware in the moment, not losing consciousness/falling asleep, and not letting my thoughts drift at all. The moment my thoughts would drift or I started getting sleepy, I would be shocked with intense nausea and body load. It felt like I was only allowed minimal thoughts, the bare minimum of what was necessary and beneficial, all other thoughts were not tolerated in this space. Lol. My thoughts also could not be a part of 'long trains.' Instead any thoughts I had must either arise organically or I must kind of realize something spontaneously, no A+B=C so then I'll do D, and then that means tomorrow I can do P. No easily driven, directed trains of thought like my usual internal monologue. It was instead more of an open awareness where things could pop up and leave, but if I tried to grasp a thought or hold on to something too long, the nausea would come. In that sense it felt like it was 'teaching' me to meditate.

I had some back and forth with learning this meditation to keep the nauseating effects under control, and started to get some muscle memory and become used to it. The meditation kept the nausea under control, but also it seemed to make things more intense in a way when I did it too. I was still coming up, so as I learned to meditate and keep it under control, more and more body load kept coming my way. At a certain point I started getting a very vivid hallucination/feeling of someone rocking me back and forth, as if sliding me across the surface of my bed very quickly from the bottom where my feet were to my headboard. I meditated through this too though it became more challenging. I saw/envisioned (hard to tell difference on harmalas, very dreamlike) an asian/ethnic type of lady you might see in a village working with her hands on some sort of machine made out of wood, rubbing something back and forth, just doing her daily work as she has done all her life. It was all very routine and her rhythm was very regular as if she had done it every day for years just as a standard village job. But it was me who she was rubbing, it seemed like some sort of purifying motion or task. I saw that in a flash and it was creating that intense rocking motion. When I meditated through it properly, I felt things stabilize a bit more but instead of rocking it turned into this intense energy running through me. I could no longer feel my bed. It felt like I was floating up into the air and spinning at the same time. The most noticeable part was the intense energy flowing through me from all these sensations.

At a certain point when I hit a balance in the meditation type thing, I held it for a little while and let the energy build up. I saw this blue flame emanating off me, of just this intense energy smoldering off me cooking in me, challenging me. It did feel like a burning, how much I was struggling to maintain this calmness. I think I had some visuals but they were very much overshadowed by these intense sensations so I didn't pay much attention or bother to remember. I remember seeing nature like scenes, and some quite serene visions of going through a tunnel. Another time I closed my eyes and was meditating, (which by the way, closing my eyes made it very intense, I had to carefully balance relaxing and closing them, to putting in the energy to open them) and when I closed my eyes I initially was meditating but accidentally almost fell asleep, but was jolted awake with an intense energy throughout my entire body, and this intense spiritual feeling aura everywhere, and in my face in the form of a quite beautiful multicolored...something.. some sort of organic type of visual pattern that seemed to be taking form with energy flowing through it.

Another thing that is a common theme with harmalas for me, is that I often start out being scared of the mental aspect of the trip, but it always ends with me not giving a shit about any sort of demon or negativity and just shooing them away and totally not caring about them when instead the far more difficult part of the trip becomes the intense body load. In that sense the body load is quite nice as I feel it stops a lot of mental negativity which can be much worse than throwing up or nausea for hours on end.

That was most of the trip. I'm sure I left some things out, probably should have wrote it down sooner. After the peak was over, I felt like I might throw up. I didn't want to as I read about people dry heaving for hours on rue. I didn't try to force myself not to, but meditated and breathed through it. I wasn't seeking out barfing my guts out but if I needed to I was ready, it would have been a drag though.

I think there was more, but that was most of it. The next day I had a bit of a hangover and was tired, partially from tripping half the night but definitely felt off for a couple days. I feel like this might have been because of the harmaline. I'm going to try a visionary caapi dose or see if I can remove the harmaline from my rue to see if that changes things. If that is just part of the experience, it's not something I want to do very regularly.

Wanted to post another update here as I've been working with rue some more and have been liking it a lot. I have been consuming a lot of crude manske extracts which I preferred because that gave me no stimulant feeling I had with rue tea. I have found it's become a lot less toxic feeling over time. Both the extract and today I tried 3g whole seeds and felt no toxic effect. One sip of the pre manske tea before gave me an on edge stimulant effect. I have actually not tried the seeds whole before but could be an alkaloid difference in whole vs cooked.

2 TLCs I did seemed to show a blue/brownish spot above harmaline in only cold water extract, not plain boiled tea. Spot is also gone after I manske. I wonder if there could be some sort of balancing/stabilizing type of effect like CBD and THC have. Anyway, 3g had no on edge feeling today but the setting was a bit different. I tried taking a walk last time and it was during the daytime. Today I did it at night relaxing inside and no noticeable stimulant effect, though I do feel a bit of pressure in my lungs right now. I wonder what a visionary dose might feel like or if that feeling in the lungs would be worse. Wasn't getting the pressure earlier- maybe because I often slow down my breathing quite a bit during the experience.

Have also noticed light has a big effect on the experience. Yesterday I did a high dose of the manske extract with a small amount of smoked spice on mint. Most of the time I did not want to open my eyes or move. It becomes a game of trying to avoid the nausea and relax deeply into the experience. I think not moving and becoming very silent is the biggest factor in reducing nausea. While removing light makes it more pleasant and the visions come in more clearly. I wonder if that's related to melatonin/natural chemicals building up like what happens in darkness retreats. I found the spice enhanced the visions a lot... but also clouded the experience in a way. I've already done tryptamines so many times and I do not like to do them so often anymore. Harmalas feel like I could do them for months on end without much consequence on my mental faculties, whereas if I did DMT that often I would be spun out for weeks or months following. I'm going to experiment with how much more clear I can make the visions with rue alone without any DMT. Probably also going to try a visionary dose of the whole seeds too.

I have been seeing a lot of visions that look like insects or scorpions to me, that's quite typical of DMT and mushroom trips for me (praying mantises, anyone?). My last mushroom trip which was pretty awesome I saw what looked like the spirit of a chameleon in the center of my vision kind of in a pattern. I also saw it again on caapi and DMT. But on rue it is shaped similarly but looks more like a scorpion, although not really negative just a bit darker.

Decided to change the title make this thread my own diary of excursions with rue... I have repeatedly had the thought and gotten the feeling that I should really be writing my experiences down, especially the iconic ones I feel really change my perception. I started a document on my computer but really feel like I should post them publicly, though names/likenesses/overly personal details will be removed for the forum. So update from my previous posts, still loving the rue. Have been consistently working with it since the first post. I think I started microdosing rue around early April and the first post was my first full on trip from it. It has changed my default mental state a ton since I started with it. I feel I don't fully notice how much it's changed me as since corona I've been staying inside much more. I notice I'm more calm, straightforward, powerful feeling, in a way dumb downed even maybe a little I will say, though I don't really see it as an IQ thing just looking at things much more simply and not getting caught up in the small details. Definitely pleased with that as I am usually super OCD (yes I actually have the disorder) to the point where it can be debilitating.

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So here's my most recent experience and maybe the most interesting yet. Dose was cold water extract (great way to remove nausea) of rue not sure of the exact quantity of liquid I drank and how fully it was extracted but probably around 4-5g if I had to guess. Also guestimated prolly under a g of 30x yellow caapi, added its personality to it but the rue overpowered it for the most part. I was trying to keep this mostly harmala based and just add a tiny tinge of light to it to see the rue visions/entities better so I tried a little under 1g of chaliponga. Definitely added a ton but if I opened my eyes the rue visions would go away like normal.

I downed all the harmalas and went for a walk. I was looking for a bit of guidance from this experience and wasn't even certain if I would add the chali at first. The walk helped blow off some steam and I got back and sat on my bed. Didn't have anything to do the next day so I said F it let's finally try microdosing this chali I've had sitting around with the rue. I just chewed up one leaf and swallowed then chewed a quid of another leaf for a while and drank the juices that formed. Wasn't even sure if it would work at a smaller dose, I took around this amount of chali with a lower dose of rue a few weeks back and didn't feel much. I started relaxing in bed as I usually do on rue, waiting for it to come on. The tracers were there at this point, still haven't fully came up though. I must have gotten a potent leaf out of the bunch because I really felt it and started zoning out forgetting what I was reading on the nexus. Felt very mushroomy kind of dreamy introspective like, stoned, waves of kinda happy lethargy I get on shrooms, very different from just rue alone and definitely a light tryptamine signature. I get everything ready and make the bed, planning to stay there for a while. I notice I am fully tripping now as I settle in with a tryptamine feel as well as fully developed rue tracers.

Now alternated between reading on the forum and bit and closing my eyes or just sitting observing more and more. Closed my eyes and I was worried it would change the experience of the rue, I was really looking to go into rue space, I don't often like to go to tryptamine space nowadays. Fortunately it didn't change the vibe of the space too much and rue dominated it. I saw the familiar forms or entities I see on rue but they were lit up quite a bit more, I could see them in more intricate detail like tryptamine visuals, but looked like mostly the same space/entities. The primary form or entity I see on the rue is a kind of desert looking scorpion, I've seen or felt it consistently almost every time I work with full spectrum extracts. I have also often seen genie type looking guys which like to jump/fly into my face and kind of give me jazz hands kind of playfully like "Hey buddy you lost? You're in rue space now and not your familiar world." TON of desert vibes and also insecty or alien a bit vibes. There's also often a tone of the rue enjoying beating me over the head with its personality for the next few hours, kind of light dominatrix vibes lmao, but in a loving way not lustful, feminine overtones though not only feminine, I've seen a bit more masculine in it over time, almost totally feminine at first (damn harsh feminine though, one bad bitch lol), very educational and disciplining every time and I can't even argue because it's very kind/forgiving and I never feel bad after, though the experience can be hard. Submission to it is a huge aspect of it to get the most out of high doses I feel, and afterwards I always feel MORE empowered rather than less.

So now I started to explore the visions with closed eyes and get some insight pouring in. The first clear thing I remember seeing is one of the genie guys started dancing in front of my face, much more clear with the light. Everything there had this cohesive darker, deserty vibe. Much of it looked insecty or spider like. The scorpion form and things related to it really came in. It really looked like I was catching glimpses of a desert world. I saw what looked like some plants and even they looked insecty and spider like. A tree with shelled brown pointy long leaves, swaying in the wind moving like a spider, its leaves or branches scratching along. Now went into a kind of dream sequence of exploring some more. Saw a lot of gothic shapes/architecture and scenes, a gothic mansion with a gate, a spider queen and her consortium walking through, it felt kind of crypt like and of death, maybe a bit like the underworld but not exactly evil. Sill desert vibes. Lot of brown, yellow. Very horror movie esque, like I said not evil, spiders have their place in life, and this place and its residents were just a vital part of life like spiders are, even if they're scary to us (and maybe even dangerous to us). Anyhow, it was very beautiful while also being scary with a gothic aesthic. The fear and recognizing or being aware of death like that, it felt good, it felt valuable. There are things we can learn there.

All the while with the vision I was introspecting about my life and what I should do. Had some pretty good insights about what I need to do in life and paused the trip to text some people I hadn't seen in a while and make plans to enact those insights. So after that initial part of the trip it isn't as clear. My beginners mind I think went away if that makes sense, I think I started adding my preconceptions to the visions more, whereas before I was just experiencing them as I had never seen anything like them. I have seen gothic witchy stuff on shrooms but nothing this detailed. I'm very interested in the mantis entities who have done psychic surgery on me before and there are many trip reports of sightings of them in desert worlds, I thought they might not be far off here in this insect like desert world. Last clear vision I remember having was trying to peek into this desert world some more, and thinking I was maybe seeing some technology, flying around this tower with people standing in the rooms doing something, like it was plugged into some energy thing running through it, trying to figure out what it was.

So after that, prolly 2 hours long, the deeper story part of the trip was done I mainly just introspected for the rest while still living within the desert vibe. I was quite amazed with this combo but it was really strong. I continued lightly tripping for a while. I often have tracers for hours even after rue experience is done but I had strong warping dissociating effects I didn't like. 2 days ago and they're mostly gone but man that is powerful stuff. Rue is powerful and I can feel its effects days after it's done, but this is... kind of disorienting. One of my most amazing trips ever but I don't know if I should do it often. I want to try high dose rue and cebil next. I picked chali because people say it's more of an intellectual trip, I liked the sound of that. I want my mind in tact. That's one thing I really like about the rue, even on like 10g+ I feel like I could still have a normal conversation (barring nausea from sensory overload) and the visuals would fade with open eyes. I've heard cebil is extremely clear headed, leaves your ego in tact so I'm interested to try that as the light, because it was quite the spectacular combo even though I'm hesitant to try it again.

Thanks for sharing the experiences with us. Very interesting!