but so is everything else too

Dont forget to flush out your stash that you collected in your body as well haha

And whatever you do, dont focus to much and do correct breathing because then maybe the DMT levels will go up automatically and it will be harder to stop then

Drugs are stupid.. But we are high on them 24/7 naturally (personally I use a lot of 5-hydroxitryptamine.. And I have a LOT of bad trips with that one.. prefer DMT all day in the week) .. so what to do haha

I have a question. Will your soul be lost when you worship the devil, genuinely believing in all sincerity that it is god and that what you are worshipping is the essence of goodness, bliss, eternal love, etc?

I personally think that intentions, and the sincerity of intentions, matters.

What do you mean by “worship the devil”? Just taking a breakthrough dose of DMT doesn’t make one a worshiper – DMT is simply a key to the spirit world, astral plane, another dimension, inhabited by the entities. Going there is dangerous and potentially harmful, for sure, but it is not worshiping the devil in itself.

The danger of losing your soul comes not from taking psychedelics per se, but from not believing in God (or believing only in yourself), and thus not seeking God, not wanting to be with Him. Simplistically saying, the Judgment Day will be about one question: “Do you want to be with God?” If you say something along the lines: “God who? Heaven? Do they serve nice cocktails, give out free cigarettes and drugs, have hot girls/boys over there? No? Or, maybe, I can become rich and powerful in that Heaven of yours? No?? Well, then I have no intention to be with God and missing all of the things I got accustomed to. I prefer to live somewhere else, in hell, where the devil can provide everything I want”, then your soul is lost.

I am not talking here about the real satan worshipers, black mages etc. who know perfectly well where their power comes from, and willfully work for the devil in the hope to have a good life here and have a neat position in his kingdom after death.

I am referring to the OP. Interacting with entities who are not what they seem.

So worst case scenario: christianity is right and this is occultism. So this is bad then.

But what if you sincerely believed that it wasn't bad? What if you believed that it was actually good? That it wasn't occultism? What if you believed that the entities where actually angels? Not fallen angels, but the good ones?

Wouldn't that mean that your soul was still saved, assuming ofcourse, that the entities did not make you do bad things like killing or stealing?

This quite natural: in our physical world criminals and psychopaths are usually trying to cover up their deeds and pretend to be all good, otherwise it would be difficult for them to commit their crimes. The so called entities, the servants of the devil really, are putting up a mask too, otherwise nobody will come to them willingly and listen to them.

Christianity is not saying that occultism is bad because it wants to forbid something the people like. No. Christianity simply puts up a warning sign: communing with the devil and his servants will be, in the long run, damaging to your mental health (soul) and will negatively affect your life, and the lives of people all around you. You can compare it to doing hard drugs (alcohol, mdma etc.): it can be fun, and even beneficial, to sometimes “turn on, tune in, drop out” in order to alleviate the stress of your daily routine, but getting addicted to drugs, having your whole life revolving around them, will do you more harm than good. As apostle Paul has put it: ““All things are lawful for me,” but not all things are helpful. “All things are lawful for me,” but I will not be enslaved by anything.”(1 Corinthians 6).

At some point they will drop their facade. It will become evident, beyond the shadow of a doubt, that the entities are demons, devoid of any form of love and compassion. From this point onward, you will no longer have the “I didn’t know!” excuse. If you are lucky, you can just run away, destroy your DMT stash, and never think about it again. But, if you have gone too deep… you will either continue your work with them, unmasked, or suffer a torment you can’t even imagine now. It is not like God wants to forbid your occult practice, but He cares for you and doesn’t want you to become a devil’s slave or a mental wrack, and thus warns you, through this forum thread.

Usually, the entities influence, at least in the beginning, is not as blatant as to give you an outright “go on a killing spree” command. They will try to instill fear or hatred towards something (the government, the capitalists, illuminaty, masons, Muslim, women or any other group of people), or they will try to inflate your pride with the feeling of superiority (you know the secrets of the universe, while all those mindless bio-robots all around you are clueless zombies), or they will capture your imagination and/or dreams, letting you live in your own reality bubble, effectively severing the connection to other people. There are many subtle ways in which the entities will get you into their orbit. They can even teach you apparently beneficial things like changing your diet, in order to win your trust and let you always follow their advice (a command, gradually more destructive, in the later stages).

Miraculously, it is at those darkest hours, when all hope seems to be lost and devil has you in full control, one can turn his eyes to Jesus Christ, and be saved: “When Jesus heard it, He said unto them, “They that are whole have no need of the physician, but they that are sick. I came not to call the righteous, but sinners to repentance.”” (Mark 2). So, I tell all others in despair, like the OP: Jesus Christ saved me from this demonic oppression, which I had inflicted upon myself through my shamanistic/occult practices, and He will save you too. Just call His name, and He will help you immediately, no matter how deep you are in hell.

Relax. There's no Devil. There's just synapses firing off willy nilly. Break free from your Grand Mammy's Superstitions. It feels good when you do, and you can stop looking for demons in drawers. The whole bi-polar worldview will end up being (God Willing) a minor vestigial artifact, like an appendix.

When I took up psychedelics again, after a very long break I would see demons in my mescaline CEV's. After about a year of clearing the draintraps of my mind I stopped seeing them. I never thought they were real, but I did wonder why I was seeing them.

I don't think it is realy all that black & white.

I believe that the nature of the entities, regardless of how "real" they are, is a reflection of your own state of mind.

You probably know the term "facing your demons". In my experience, demonic entities disappear or become powerless when you find the courage in yourself to do this.

There are people who say the same things about the harry potter books and movies. They think these books and movies will turn childeren to occultism and away from christian values.

But the books and movies are obviously, like so many other stories, about "good versus evil". They are much more a confirmation of the good values that can also be found in christianity, than a denial of them.

How come in all the years that I've taken dmt, enhanced leaf, changa that I've never had an encounter with demonic/evil entities?

Man I must have hit the lottery.

Or, I must have not realized what I'd been looking at this whole time?

lol

Interesting that when people have challenging experiences with this molecule that the explanations start rolling, with sometimes a good portion of those explanations becoming an elaborately designed story. A personal story at that. A story of one persons experiences.

People too I find like to throw around the word demon far too much. It's a good thing to look up the etymology of the word 'demon'.

I don't think anyone really has a proper grasp on what is actually going on in hyperspace in regards to entities. Everyone has different theories that always seem to be more a reflection of their own inner concepts - even alien abduction stories during lucid dreams for example take on the projected inner concepts, whereas in the past it was witches etc.

Personally I think entities are not all the inner manifestations of a person, that some of them do in fact have an independent existence apart from us. What isn't real are the outer shells that we 'see', what we project on to these perhaps formless entities that our brains can't decipher and project on to our of necessity for us to witness something we realise is 'there'. Like a ghost that claims to be your dead uncle.. it may very well be a real entity of sorts, but you project that image and witness it, or maybe the entity sees your mind and plucks that image out for you to witness.

Personally I've seen far more demonic things when falling asleep in my minds eye. Faces of creatures that were so original and apart from anything I've ever witnessed, so grotesque that even H R Giger couldn't have imagined them. I never saw anything like that on DMT, but I did feel definite negative presences.

Many of us have, at least to some extent, been influenced by religion. That probably does matter in how you experience all of this.

Almost any religion contains a degree of brainwashing, or negative propaganda, about the other religions. With christianity, it is mostly paganism. Paganism is heavily associated with evil in christianity.

But it is quite evident that christianity itself has incorporated many paganist practices. (Wich i think demonstrates that if the christian god would indeed exist, he probably would not have that much of a problem with paganist practices as people fear)

This relation to paganism can be problematic, and probably does play a role in how many of us view these entities.

That is why i think intention is so important. If part of you believes, even if it is only very deep down at some subcounscious level, that what you are doing is turning your back on god, and therefore all that is good, then you can expect entities at some point to take demonic forms (demonic as in the christian sense, that is).

Therefore, you have to be willing to confront the evil that is within yourself, because we all have a dark side.

If you are very determined to serve that wich is good (regardless of whether you would want to call it god or something else), and to fight the evil that exists within you, then you don't have to be afraid anymore of things that have a "pagan smell" to them.

That at least is my personal experience, as an agnostic person with a christian upbringing.

To add to what tatt said, just because someone believes/constructs an anthropomorphized character(s) in their experience doesn't mean that there's anything like it actually there.

Expectation bias can easily explain the phenomenon of "seeing what you expect to see" through the infinite patterns DMT allows within the visual cortex.

That kind of intricate static in the third eye almost begs for the construction of whatever you want to see. That in no way means they "exist" as discrete beings outside of your mind's creation of them.

People swear by these entities as though they are an article of faith-- but like tatt I have thousands of trips under my belt over the last 15 years or so, and not a single time have I witnessed a presence that came off as independent from my own mind. Never.

I don't say any of this to offend, just to point out that I wonder if some people's brains are affected in ways that they "cleave off" their sense of self in a way that they can't make a distinction between what they're imagining and what's there. Certain creative types could certainly do this.
Like seeing faces in the clouds-- but thinking they are actual beings within the nexus of DMT effects when they are nothing more than a natural pattern recognition instinct combined with fragments/notions of memories and abstract thought/imagination.

Maybe mine and tatt's brain are too "literal" or "grounded" for us to imagine such scenes. Who knows for sure. What I do know is that I have not known anything like the wild detailed stories everyone talks about, no matter if it's Ayahuasca, mushrooms, DMT, or anything-- and I have been to extreme places with all of them, so it's not that I haven't gone far enough.

I've always thought this explains people thinking they see "other" beings-- that they are simply having conversations with themselves without knowing it at the time.

And to add to what I said up top: hope I'm not coming off as throwing shade at anyones experiences or devaluing or w/e. These experiences can be incredibly profound [potentially reality shattering], destroying the ability to language it as it's happening.

Don't mean for if what I said up top comes off as me being an asshole. Not the intention at all.

At the end of the day though, no one can say I think 'what's going on' with these experiences [as of yet]. There's nothing conclusive in the slightest to explaining where 'exactly' these intense boundary dissolving visions/realm[s] come from. These experiences are a mystery at the end of the day. No one has hold on this experience imo.

Seen alot of entities and/or aspects of the experience in many of the experiences that I've had over the years, but to start talking about it for me automatically devalues it significantly. I'm not able to language it. I look back on alot of the writings on here I did over the years, the descriptions, and I laugh .

FWIW I don't think you have to back away from what you said. It's ok to inject a little humor into conversation, and I wonder sometimes if better communication takes place when we don't hack away at all possible terms we fear could be perceived as offensive in some way.

Language is a muddy, blunt instrument. Let it be at least an honest one.

I also prefer an agnostic aproach to these things.

The greatest thinkers in the jewish, christian and budhist traditions (i am not that familiar with the other worldphilosophies yet) all said that god cannot contradict science.

And though for instance the catholic church for a very long period has tried to control science (think of the incarceration of galileo), it never dared to contradict this statement itself (Because that would have meant the destruction of all of scholasticism itself as well).

I think with hyperspace entities it is usefull to take the same approach. It is possible that they are real and exist outside of us. But it is probably not usefull to try to explain them in a way that completely contradicts neuroscience and modern psychology.

To completely deny that at the very least, these experiences are to a great extent a reflection of the psychological processes inside our own heads, seems to be somewhat at odds with the reality we happen to live in most of the time.

And for religious people, or "entity believers", totally unnessecary as well, considering the fact that some of the most important spiritual and religious traditions, even the most dogmatic ones, do not require you to completely dismiss science.

Well said, dragonrider

I'm listening to Supernatural by Graham Hancock. He explores correlations among cave art, shamanic knowledge as described by shamans (and in his more limited experiences with Aya and other psychedelics), the records we have of ufo abductions, and finally faerie abductions and interactions. The parallels are striking and he brings out the dangers and dark aspects of this field of inquiry along with the benign aspects like shamanic healing and an expanded range of perception..
I am troubled by the glibness of refutation of the possibility that hyperspace is as dangerous a battleground as planet earth. Saying that evil can be reduced to psychological ego fears feels as egotistical as it gets. Maybe everything is not a dream. Maybe there is no chemistry for surrender to Love. Maybe there is a spirit that would kill mother nature and crush human morality. Certainly the forces that are engaged in this madness are real and driven by something that loves bullying, lies, feeling superior. In that sense these entities are easily recognizable in all our lives. One of the problems with technology is the enticements of dangerous shortcuts, lies we tell ourselves because the cost is paid by others. I once heard Viktor Frankl say that one should not be fooled into thinking that the feeling of spiritual experience is a spiritual experience.
Some say any kind of communication with other spirits/beings is delusional but in my experience they are as delusionally narrow in their reification of the materialist only paradigm as hard shell baptists are of the true interpretation of the Bible. If you filter out anything that doesn't fit, this can be made to work and fits our appetite for security and explanation. My instinct is that this pursuit of all encompassing explanation is misplaced and insufficient.

Anyway I recommend Hancock's Supernatural as a large overview of the phenomena being discussed. I am deeply unresolved but lean to the belief that there is a benign love and grace at work in the universe and that it produces kindness, healing, sharing, joy, honesty, compassion, useful earthly wisdom and knowledge, and a deep sense of freedom as the natural expression of that love. I am drawn to and respectful of all disciplines and practices that yield such fruit. As to entities in space I am one by any normal use of the language, so are you who read this. Are the elements separate or configurations of the consciousness of protons neutrons and electrons? It seems as hard to get to the bottom of this reality as it is to get to the top. All configurations of language are mythic and inadequate, but poisons are called that because they kill things and it is useful to know this and avoid being a promoter of poison.

I also think this thread offers a real warning of real dangers. Unfortunately those dangers are the same on many paths. There is no easy path and if you feel something is evil it is ok to say this is not for me. Buddhism rejects all inebriants. The tree of life has good fruit. Love will never abandon you.

Hey Astra. I've actually read the four gospels Reina Valera Version 1960 and I can't get past the fact that Jesus is a hypocrite according to the gospels themselves. I can't see how someone who says not to call your brother a fool and then does exactly what he says not to do is not a hypocrite. I'm going to quote from KJV though because my Reina Valera Version is in Spanish, so for the benefit of your understanding, I will quote an English Bible translation.

Jesus should be in hell by now since: "But I say unto you, That whosoever is angry with his brother without a cause shall be in danger of the judgment: and whosoever shall say to his brother, Raca, shall be in danger of the council: but whosoever shall say, Thou fool, shall be in danger of hell fire."

He also recommends not to judge and proceeds to judge numerous people in the Gospels. Again, this is being a hypocrite.

"Judge not, that ye be not judged. For with what judgment ye judge, ye shall be judged: and with what measure ye mete, it shall be measured to you again."

And another hypocrisy:

"Blessed are the peacemakers: for they shall be called the children of God."

And then: "Think not that I am come to send peace on earth: I came not to send peace, but a sword. For I am come to set a man at variance against his father, and the daughter against her mother, and the daughter in law against her mother in law. And a man's foes shall be they of his own household."

As the only begotten son (child) of God, shouldn't he be a peacemaker?

There are many contradictions in the Bible, it just doesn't make sense to me. I won't spend much time quoting all of it. It's clear to see. Just read the gospels. There is some bits of good advice here and there muddled with contradictory statements, hypocrisy and flat out lies. There's also the most outstanding egotistical perspective of someone who believes that they're the only son of God and perfection incarnate, while others are sinners who need to be saved by him and only him.

Besides, Christianity is probably the religion with the most followers, but that is not necessarily because they're "right" and all other religions or beliefs are wrong.
Do you know how they spread the religion of the supposed Holy Bible? Do you know how it was achieved? In the name of the "Lord", the European conquistadors slaughtered, enslaved, tortured, raped and "converted" the majority of the American Continent. They came from Europe in La Niña, la Pinta y La Santa María, and methodically slaughtered and enslaved all those who refused to replace their native religions with Christianity.

In the name of Jesus and "justice" they slaughtered "righteously" all that tried to keep their cultural and religious customs. This obsession of Christians with "justice" is a very dangerous thing.

Instead of accepting all humans and all beings as your brothers, you distance yourselves from anybody that doesn't believe that Jesus was the only begotten son of God who came to the Earth to save us from eternal torture in hell. And you wish eternal hell unto anyone who believes in another religion and/or refuses to believe in Jesus. You are so kind. Really, what would the world do without Christians telling everybody that they're the only ones that a right and that everyone else is wrong? What would be of the world if Christians weren't around to judge everyone and tell everyone who believes in any other religion that they're unknowingly worshiping the devil?

To be honest, I've been tortured mentally for the past year since a "friend" stopped being my friend after he became "Christian" and told me that yoga, psychedelics, and other things that we had been doing were devil worship. He abandoned our plans for getting a farm and growing food to create less dependence on imported food in our country. He told me that Yahweh was the truth and that one has to "go through Jesus for real enlightenment". That this world is evil incarnate, that the devil is a real and powerful threat to be feared. That we're in this world because we did "something" wrong (though he couldn't say exactly what and when). Obviously he said all this without providing any proof or making any effort to explain this to me. Basically he said I was doomed unless I read the Bible.

I read the Bible, I felt somewhat doomed some days. Because of the series of events that happened to me since he became Christian. A lot of what you would call unfortunate events happened to me since then, beginning with being bitten by a pitbull last year for trying to save a smaller dog from the pitbull who had jumped on the smaller dog. After then my health has been difficult to recover. This has been one of the most traumatizing (mentally and physically) periods of my life. I really resent my "friend" for trying to make me feel guilty and like I was being punished when I got bit by a dog trying to save a dog who had no chance against a savage pitbull. So basically for doing a good thing and saving another beings life I deserved to get punished by God himself in exchange? Or was he implying that God "set me up" in that situation knowing that I would try to push the pitbull away from the other dog in order to punish me through the pitbull? That's really not the kind of thing to say to someone who nearly lost their hand saving a life. You Christians seem very unaware that you cause psychological distress in others by trying to impose your fears and your beliefs on others. I suffered very much mentally and physically for more than a year.

I do not mean to just rant on you, I genuinely am looking for answers. However, I can't really trust in a prophet who prescribed certain things and wasn't always doing them. I have tried. I've tried to understand the Bible, but I cannot. I cannot see how it will help me. I was raised Catholic and forced to go to Church from a very young age and I tried to follow Jesus's way from a very young age and not once did I see or hear or experience God.

The first time I experienced anything that I would describe as Godly was the first time I ate mushrooms. And then in DMT trips. During DMT I thought that God was everything there is. And that God is love. And that he's always here whether we see him or not. And that he protects us all whether we see it or not. And that I am God and you are God. That everyone and everything is God. This gave me peace for some time, but it slipped away.

I started questioning everything after my "friend" told me that Yahweh was the truth. I trust my friends, and he seemed so convinced that I was somehow convinced too, but so far, I don't see how a hypocrite like Jesus can be the Truth or the Way. Moreover, he did not make any real effort to explain to me WHY he was saying all of this. Moreover, when I asked why he thought the Bible was the "truth" he said that he knew it was the truth because he had laughed like a maniac while reading it, and compared it to how he had laughed like a maniac during a mushroom trip. That's a pathetic excuse for "proof", really no proof at all. You can laugh while reading many different books in many different ways. That is no proof at all of "Truth". It's a weak pseudoargument. I also asked him if he had seen or met or talked to Jesus, and he said that he hadn't. So, while I wanted to believe my friend, his reasons for believing in Jesus seemed very unconvincing and irrational. I worried for him and his mental health. And also my own mental health which had changed from love for everyone and everything and thinking everyone and everything to be God, to panic, fear of punishment from God, fear that I had apparently done something wrong (without knowing exactly what), fear that if I didn't believe in Jesus I would go to eternal hell and be tortured there.

I also think that this life that I've had up until now has been full of suffering and depression, and it pains me to think that God would be such a sadistic being as to make me suffer on Earth and then on eternal hell afterwards. It doesn't make sense to me that a loving God would intentionally make us suffer in Earth, and if we got angry at him for making us suffer so much on Earth he would then send us to eternal hell. That is not a loving God. That is a judging, punishing, masochistic God. In my opinion that is a devil, and not a God. So I've concluded that the Christian God is actually Satan, and he's tricked you into believing in him and fearing him, when in fact he actually doesn't exist and has no power over humans nor the real God. The real God is invincible. He doesn't need humans to pray for him or to him. He doesn't need humans to worship Jesus in order to defeat some "devil". The only one that needs you to believe in him to exist is the Devil himself. God is absolute. It doesn't matter if you believe in him or not. He exists. And if he is omnipotent, omnipresent and omniscient, nothing is a threat to him. Nothing can defeat him. And he clearly does not need humanity's help to defeat a "devil". Only a powerless, weak, false God, or an Asura pretending to be God would demand that humans worship him in exchange for heaven or peace.

It pains me to say that you're the one who's been fooled by the non-existing devil. You've been fooled into believing that he exists. You've been fooled into believing that you are powerless against him. You've been fooled into believing that you need Jesus to help you. Christianity is a very negative and powerlessness inducing religion. You pride yourself in gaining "salvation" while others will be sent to hell, sometimes for trivial things. You pride yourself in having found the "only right religion" among hundreds or thousands of different religions. You scare people. You bring fear to their lives. You're no better than your conjecture of Satan himself.

You are God. You don't need any help. Stop feeling so powerless and trying to make others feel the same way "for their own good" because you "know what's best for everyone" and everyone else does not know what's good for themselves because they're too stupid (or have been "fooled" by the devil) Get off your high horse. You think you found the solution to life and you want to share it with the world, that's great, but be aware of what this so called "solution" causes in other's psyche.

If all you have for "proof" is a book that says "you're right", then there's "proof" in many books of other Gods being right and yours wrong. Unless you provide more proof than saying "Oh, it says so in the Bible." your argument will never be convincing, although I must admit that instilling fear has been a fantastic tactic that has proven effective in converting many people into Christianity. It's through fear, not through unalloyed proof. By the way, if you have unalloyed, infallible proof that Jesus will save us then bring it. Show it to all of us. Convince us. Don't talk and talk and talk and provide Bible quotes. That's not proof. That's a book saying things like all books say things. Show us proof. How exactly did Jesus save you? Did you see him? Did you speak to him? Do you have any proof besides quoting Bible passages that Jesus will save anyone who believes in him? If you do have proof and we are all potentially worshiping the "devil" without knowing it, bring the proof and help us all convert to Jesus so that he can save us if you truly care and if he truly can and will save us. Your conjectures and assumptions are not proof. I challenge you to present unalloyed, irrefutable proof. It's easy to talk smack and hide behind a book and to answer every question by pointing to a book. It's harder to provide actual proof.

So, how to decide which scripture is right and which is wrong? Are any of the so called "sacred scriptures" right? Are they all pointing towards the same omnipotent, omnipresent and omniscient God even though they call him by different names? Are they all pointing towards the divinity inherent in all beings?

I do not know the answer to these questions, but in the name of "justice" itself, God shouldn't be the sadist, vengeful, violent assassin that the Bible presents to us. If God really is that, I would like nothing more than to assassinate him/her myself for making so many humans suffer on Earth. If possible "convert" him or "transmute" him or teach him how to be loving. If he's unreasonable and unwilling to change his violent, sadist ways and attacks me, then it's my duty to annihilate him/her, for "justice" and the well-being of all beings.

Remember you are God. You are God. God isn't powerless, so don't pretend that you are powerless. You're powerful.

I have two more questions for you. If I am God and I know that everything is God, then what enemies do I have if everything is myself? Why would I want to fight with myself? It seems much better to hug and love myself than to fight with myself, though I won't deny that fights can be exhilarating moments in life, there are are never winners in fights. Only losers. Nobody comes out unscathed. You hurt others you hurt yourself. You love others you love yourself. You think psychedelics are the devil they will pretend to be the devil for you. You think psychedelics are God they will pretend to be God for you.

Looking forward to your reply. Who knows? Depending on your reply you may convert me. I'm not being sarcastic. No joke.

It is a well known fact that the bible is a gathering of a lot of unrelated stories. It has been edited a lot, by a lot of people. There where many myths about jesus that often contradicted eachother. Many of these myths didn't get through the editing process, but some of the original books have been preserved through the ages.

In some of the first texts of jesus, he uses divine powers to kill people. The editors did a good job by filtering the worst things out, but they did so by the standards of their time.

I personally think granting jesus all these superpowers was a big mistake to begin with, from a dramaturgic point of view, and immediately contradicts the notion that he was only human.

It was probably done to advertise early christianity, but by doing so completely misses the whole point of what christianity is supposed to be about.

Because it is all too easy to follow someone with superpowers. It is all too easy to argue along the lines of "i'm gonna side with jesus here, because he could cure leprosy, and you can't". But would you call that faith? It looks too much like just picking the side of the guy with the biggest gun.

What if he didn't turn water to wine, didn't ressurect, didn't walk on water? Would you still "love thy neighbour"?

They should have just kept him human. No superpowers, no ressurection, no magic tricks.
The message would be more powerfull then. Maybe less people would want to believe in it, but are you offering marvel superhero fandom, or redemption?

I'd like to add that I've struggled with depression since I was a young kid due to my own family abusing and mocking me. They were drunkards. They mocked me, mocked my mother. Abused me and my mother verbally. I went to church, prayed to Jesus, even followed his teachings through my youth until my late teens and no help came neither through him nor the "Father". I kept being abused and kept silent about it so that drunk uncles and parents were happy by way of mocking me. I even laughed and smiled with them at times, even though I was sad.

My condition improved when I met my first girlfriend, for a few years, but when we broke up, it returned. She cheated on me with multiple people, lied, and had sex with me after cheating without me knowing that she had cheated. I became depressed again. I became suicidally depressive. I lost all appetite, I was losing weight fast. I held a knife next to my wrist, ready to cut myself but I started to cry. I couldn't do it. I started researching. I was tired of suffering and reminding myself of all the pain. I was determined to get rid of my suffering. I had tried religion, psychologists, psychiatrists from a young age and nothing had worked.

My life changed the night I tried MDMA for the first time. I felt a happiness that I had never felt before. I never knew such happiness was possible until that day. I felt myself being able to look at things that had hurt in the past without being hurt. I felt myself able to love. It was possible to be happy.

Obviously this gave me hope, but it didn't solve the problem. And I had studied MDMA before ingesting it so I knew it wasn't going to be something that I could ingest often. I kept researching. Found information about mushrooms. Tried them. I was made love to by the Goddess. I had what you would call a continuous orgasm which was superior to an (sexual) orgasm without actually touching myself or being sexually excited. It was something way superior to sex. I got over sex. Sex meant nothing to me after that. After you have an experience like that, you realize that there's things greater than sex in this life. There's higher joys. And thus began a journey into the ineffable nature of psychedelics. I experimented with mushrooms, lsd, syrian rue, dmt, ayahuasca, etc. I was trying to heal. I was looking for help.

I slowly developed a relationship with some of these substances. It was just like you get to know a person. I started slow, with respect. Slowly praying, asking for help humbly. Asking for advice on how to help myself and others. Just like you would pray to God or Mother Earth or whatever you would pray to, I prayed to psychedelics. Prayed for peace. Prayed for love. I was always treated well when I journeyed with such things in mind. Never did it cross my mind that I was dealing with demons. Many times I thought I was communicating with Mother Earth herself. At other times I thought it was the Father God. At other times I just thought that it was my mind manifesting whatever I saw/experienced.

Sometimes I did get scared but I noticed that this usually only happened when I was tripping too often or in the wrong place or for impure reasons. One of the few times I met a "dark" entity, I remember thinking that it just wanted to learn how to love, and that humans have the ability to teach other beings how to love (even so called evil beings). That's why beings from the whole universe come to this planet.

Anyway I got off topic. The point is that these psychedelics gave me hope and will to live. Something that I had missed for more than 20 years since my childhood. If that makes psychedelics evil and makes me evil then so be it. Jesus can send me to hell if he wants. I never knew I was worshiping the devil anyway when I was doing it. I honestly thought I had found the source of God. Just like native indians thought they were communicating with God when they used entheogens. I felt the same way. I never saw any evil in it. In fact I questioned why these things were illegal. It seemed stupid to me.

Psychedelics never recommended me to hate anyone or anything. In fact they encouraged quite the opposite. They encouraged love for all and respect for all. Even for those who had hurt me. They taught me that we are all brothers and sisters. Everything sentient and insentient is to be loved and respected.

My problem with Christians is that they choose to see the unholy and the evil in the world and in others, when all I want is to see the holy and the divine in others. And they also want to impose the notion of an evil and unholy world on you and the notion that you can only be saved by Jesus, otherwise there is no hope for you and you will surely go to eternal hell even if you haven't been that bad of a person. Just rejecting Jesus is enough to merit eternal punishment in their eyes. Seeing the world as unholy (and as the devil's creation) and evil only gives me sadness. Seeing the world as God's creation and all of the creatures as God's sons and daughters gives me hope and happiness. Gives me hope that there's love everywhere I go. No matter where I go, God is. He's not missing anywhere. He's everywhere. Always watching. The eternal witness.