Hello fellow travelers,
I have gained much information and insight from all of you intelligent, respectful and caring community members that I decided to become a member so that I may learn more, and maybe help someone along the way.
What brought me here? To answer that question in the most succinct way would to be that I used this website to guide me to my first experience with DMT. We all have our different paths that may lead us to this amazing (to say the least) substance. It is magical.
I had a fair bit of experience with psychedelics prior and a friend brought up DMT a few times and I was not interested as it sounded like something too intense for me. This same friend and I took mushrooms for his bachelor party and as usual had a good time, but this got me thinking that I would be more interested in DMT.
I decided to pursue this. I did as much reading and research as I could get my hands on for quite some time, books, internet, experiences.
There I was laying on my bed preparing for my first DMT experience. For some reason I had it in my mind that I wanted to break through for my first experience. So I had over 50mg loaded sandwich method in a pipe. I read over and over that you needed the 3 large tokes and to hold them in as long as possible. I was unsure if the extraction was done properly, or if I actually had DMT in the pipe, or if it would even work.
I proceeded taking the first toke..... held it in as long as possible and blew it out. After a few seconds I could tell things were starting to seem weird and I started to realize that this was going to happen. Second toke.... held it in as long as possible... during this time everything starting becoming fractals and I forgot what I was doing. It took be a few seconds to remember I was smoking DMT and that I needed to take that third hit. So I gathered all of my courage and ripped it hard.
Next thing I know all I am seeing are the most vivid unexplainable color waves washing over me. At this point I was no longer conscious of my body or who I was.
Things from there became very hard to remember the order of. My best recollection was that next I was in the well known "tryptamine palace" where the walls and everything was constantly changing. I felt that I was being guided by multiple flying light sources that were guiding me somewhere. At this point there was no fear only astonishment. I was flying with these light sources through indescribable space. The order of things here gets real hard to remember. At some point I ended up in a completely different reality with beings that seemed to be jungle like, with trees, beings, etc. The other thing that happened is at some point I ended up in the center of the universe. I was completely alone and there was only dark space, here there was no time, no beginning, no end. I felt I was there for eternity and I would never leave. It was actually the most terrifying experience I have had in my life. There seemed to be an ominous presence there that was malevolent.
After spending what seemed like eternity in this place I started to come back to my body. Having forgotten I was a human, and thinking I was gone for eternity, I started to comprehend that I had done a drug and was coming down after seeing the pipe in my hand. I could still see the jungle like realm in my room more prominently than the room itself and eventually came to the point where things in the room where very distorted. I will never forget the bed sheets looking like so many layers as I was coming down.
One message I clearly remember getting was I was not supposed to see what I did. I truly believe this was true magic. Whether this was me telling myself I experienced something impossible or it was an actual message I still question. This was almost one year ago.
This experience shook me to the core. I was an atheist prior, and after this I could not follow that path any more. There is something else going on. This experience terrified me, and I am the type of person to conquer what scares me. I knew I needed to grow with DMT as it is not to be underestimated. I knew that even though I had the most terrifying thing happen to me, that there must be more to it than what happened the first time. I felt that I over did it, and was shown to not ever approach it again the way I did.
It took me months to go in again. I started with a small dose and still had remnants of fear in the first few attempts. Eventually I got to a point where I felt unconditional love and understanding from the substance. I have since been staying well below breakthrough and slowly building back up. Where I am right now is that a breakthrough is not in the near future but something I would like to pursue at some point as I am called.
Through my lower doses I have seen the healing that the substance provides. The unfiltered view of myself, my life, my relationships and what true unconditional eternal love is. I am still a broken person but I believe it is helping me on my voyage through this life.
Recently I experienced changa and have found the way that I will go forward with DMT. I look forward to growing and learning with all of you! Thanks so much for reading!