Or maybe I read different books about psychology than you did. How about Eric Berne? You just took a common role in a common human game. So did the OP.

At first I presumed the over use of 'I' and focus on yourself in your posts was because perhaps English isn't your first language or something. Look back at your posts dude, it's all about you.

I really don't think you are contributing in a helpful way to the OP with a post like this, Anonymous2. He/She is obviously struggling to resolve an internal conflict and you're making the focus of the thread all about you.

The OP needs clarity, not extended self-centred rambling posts from someone who in my opinion appears to be struggling as well. You may mean well but your posts are off the wall and chaotic, and not what someone in the OP's position needs to hear.

Please reflect on what you're posting in the context of this thread. This isn't about you.

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OP: @Clops

I've pulled out some quotes of yours in this thread. Before I go through them I would say please re-read the posts by Daturas, Null24, and corpus callosum on page 2 of this thread.



Your body does not want to die though, it does not possess that belief because it is not capable of possessing belief, only programming (which is non-negotiable at a physical level). All biological organisms fundamental drive is self-preservation above all else. No physical organism has been gifted the ability to reflect on death, only the drive to avoid it at all costs - otherwise life would have an anxiety attack and never succeed.

Only the mind can contemplate death, or suicide. Your problem is mind related, not body related - though your physical health may be adversely affecting your mental ability. This includes ingesting psychedelics!



Suicide, or rushing yourself to the grave through disintegration (substance abuse) is not going unlock the flow. Too many people get caught up with psychedelics believing it's unlocking some flow or route to oneness, but to the outside observer it is obvious where they are really heading.

Psychedelics are not a panacea to the mystery of life. From my own experiences with psychedelics and observing the journey of friends, both real and online, if anything they only increase the confusion by generating more questions than they solve. Useful for shifting the perspective of an individual, a slap in the face if you will, but slapping yourself over and over is not going to generate new wisdom just a sore cheek and maybe a bloody nose.

I have had life changing DMT experiences. Useful and amazing, but they never solved anything though. Anyone claiming to have solved the mystery through psychedelics is bullshitting themselves, and you. If you want real answers to the mysteries of God and Love you would be best placed not to put all your eggs in the psychedelic basket, trust me. Branch out, there's so many more rocks you have to turn over.



Real talk now, I think you should step away from psychedelic thinking for awhile. I can sense the vein in your posts I think and you are muddying up two strands of your life, and the psychedelic strand has hijacked your attention and is masking the real cause of your malady which is real life issues, whatever they may be - family, childhood, etc. The internet is not the place to sort that material out, let alone on a psychedelic forum. People here can offer advice and help, but really you need to talk to your therapist and to friends/family who can help you dig to the core of what's really bothering you.



You may be covering over the cause of your malady by labeling it as ego. There may very well be a set of memories or experiences that are calling for your attention, and that upon examination will free up your mind.

Not to encourage morbidity, but you may benefit from the stories of those who jumped off the Golden Gate bridge and survived. All of them jumped, were convinced it was the right thing to do based upon their own individual stories at the time, but the moment their feet left the ground and the realization of death dawned on them their thinking got real focused real fast.. and they inevitably realized they didn't actually want to die at all.

Suicide and depression is like that. It's a mood. A lens through which your attention is looking and caught up in. Moods are very powerful and they can shape our thinking and over time our personality too if we stay in them long enough. But they are not fixed and can be shifted. I know it seems real to you, which is why you need to get out of your head (and off digital forums) and go speak to real people like your therapist, friends and family.

I've tried to pm some people that posted here, That I felt the most helpful to me and I couldn't. If some admin can help me, I would be grateful.

Regarding the therapy, I'm already doing It, and if I have to choose come here and talk instead of killing me, I rather talk here, even if I don't get 100% good advices(yes, some advices here does more harm than good I know), but there are good advices out here.

I could talk to you about my transformative psychedelic experience(s) if you want; when it happened, I was indeed suicidal beforehand and it was so powerful it left me struggling with how to make sense of it for years. It was transformative and for me eliminated the idea of suicide as legitimate (funny how unity works, different strokes? Or is it all inherent in the individual?) but left me, like you, emptied of meaning. Nothing made sense anymore. I was told the cosmic joke when I was 15 but did not get it I guess until 30 years later- in a psychedelic sense, and suffered all that time, becoming more and more marginalized in a sea of meaninglessness. It messed me up and has taken me a long time to integrate into a integral aspect of my being. Eventually, I was able to parse out meaning- real meaning derived from my own values and worldview- and put it into action, and live a life that I am proud to enjoy. You will FIND meaning in your professional life, personal relationships, the knowledge and wisdom you acquire and through the love you give.

Unfortunately, this wonderful gift of life and consciousness does not have a "meaning" setting built-in. It's a plug-in. That's why we have religions, power structures, economies, all the bullshit that runs the everyday world and creates that meaning for you. But that is for the folks that haven't seen what you have seen, is it? That's the challenge, young person, don't falter.

I'm not going to moralize or should all over you, that is not productive IMO&E, but I will say that I wholeheartedly agree with the implorations of the others here, you have been offered some solid advice, talk about invading lucid dreams and being a bad DMT-promoter aside. That said, I don't think you can know the suffering that a departure like that causes around you. It is the ultimate F-off. I do agree that pro-help might be useful, more in psychological than psychiatric sense, but also know how challenging and scary that can be to apprehend for yourself. For now, it is good that you are in a community.

We don't know who you are, cannot intervene and there are immense risks in interacting with you- to you. I see some others kind of pushing up on you, don't take anything personal, we do not know you as a person- it is the internet, only a step up from facebook. However I do want to engage you, when you say that it feels forced to extract meaning from life/universe/everything, why is that? That is, after all, really kind of your job as a consciousness. You don't sound like you are focused on material gain, but that something terribly important is missing from your experience in this world. What is it?

I was told the cosmic joke when I was 15 but did not get it I guess until 30 years later- in a psychedelic sense, and suffered all that time, becoming more and more marginalized in a sea of meaninglessness. It messed me up and has taken me a long time to integrate into a integral aspect of my being. Eventually, I was able to parse out meaning- real meaning derived from my own values and worldview- and put it into action, and live a life that I am proud to enjoy.

How can we talk? I would like to

Hi guys, I'm new here and I'm sorry to post this controversial and polemic topic but I needed to take out of my chest.

I've been struggling through depression for a while but before this pandemic shit I was taking ayahuasca and it was helping me. The thing is that on some trips it came to my knowledge a side of me that wanted to end this physical body/experience and it struck me like a lightning bolt.

After I watch this video: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mnn0IU0-atg which Leo from actualized tells about his 30-day experience with DMT, it made me consider even more this option of suicide. The point that touched me is the fact that if we all are just one, (and I kinda believe this a little bit because of the ayahuasca experiences) and we live this illusion of separation, why not just end all this suffering and miserable life that I'm leaving and merge "this infinite love" that doesn't require a body.

I appreciate your help.

Cheers

I find several issues with your way of thinking.

First one [...]

Third one [...]

If I may offer couple point of views on this whole issue about terminating on demand... I believe there are levels of understanding and knowing of Oneness. Intellectually understanding we are all one is part of it, through different methods to experience and feel the connections and merging with all that is are parts of it. It can go so much higher than most of us realize, I suspect.

On a more practical aspect, please if you have a chance to check out this book: Tibetan Book of the Dead. I found it helped me to see life on another perspective. That's essentially about reincarnation and the passage to the next life. Early termination is a choice, but might not be a right choice. There is a certain malice, a murdering intent that is of ending a living being, which includes the self. [edit: Unless the giving of life is of sacrifice to higher purpose, or with a level of surrender or enlightenment...etc, where it does not cause additional trauma. Of course this is base on my interpretations and you're free to consider it.] Therefore, an early termination of oneself in this life with unresolved issues with this [potentially] additional negative action will likely bring forth additional harsh lessons in future experiences until the soul is ready to accept the love and love oneself. Having a physical experience is an opportunity to experience deeply and create fully. That is, if you are willing to give your life, then give your life for a grand vision of your choice.

How can we talk? I would like to