I know that feeling. It can go away.



I just want to keep the number of suicide people in my lucid dream as low as possible, if you don’t mind. Besides, your plan would be horrible marketing for DMT. I want to have it legalized. So, please, either don’t harm yourself based on any suggestions related to psychedelics or don’t announce it in public.

I would prefer the former option in case you are wondering.

I'll be frank:-
YOU. CREATE. The. Meaning.

your life is a gift, no matter how horrible you think it is. Consciousness creates itself, it created you, it is you, it is everything.

Don't give it away, don't destroy the consciousness that created you, the consciousness you create. It's very precious and the most important thing that exists in the universe.. So much to explore, so much to create!

Life is the greatest gift that consciousness gave itself.

I hope you are well.

Live long and love yourself, then learn to love others more then you love yourself, and the creative forces of consciousness will reveal themselves to you.

I try but it seems so forced

You are right, I don't know what you reached, I'm saying based on what you told me. It appeared divided the beings, you, the gods, the aliens. Separated. Thus I assumed you didn't have this "integrated" experience.


<3 thx for that.



Relax, I will keep it to myself if I take my life.

Edit: removed

Well, this is exactly why i think this whole "ego=bad" thing is too simple.
It oversimplifies reality and lacks all the depth and nuances that are a part of real life, and in doing so, it can become a toxic belief.

But maybe oneness and individual existance are BOTH true, and maybe they BOTH have intrinsic value.

The oceans are just one big mass of water, but does that mean individual waves do not exist?

Yes, as humans, we are all part of something bigger than ourselves. We are part of an ecosystem, part of a species, part of an endless series of biological and chemical processes, part of a universe.
And every thing that we think makes us unique, is just an expression of these greater things taking effect.

But that also means that living this life, as the individual you are, is at the same time a celebration of this oneness you seek.
To struggle is also part of that.

You are never realy removed from it. The oneness is also in you. It is also in your ego. It is also in the struggles of life, in the pains and sorrows of it.

You may need professional help. These compounds exist to expand and complement consciousness, these traumas can present them self to you in a very forward way when ever you take any mind altering substance.

You may think yourself a god, an affiliate of a god, or a shit stain on the underpants of society, but the fact that u can articulate an experience means you can create something, even if it is only that articulation.. or simply a breath that you take.

None of us know what happens next. We don't have the faculties to understand, and if you think you understand your lying to yourself, as well as anyone else trying to convey some sort of subjective dogma towards you.

This forum shouldn't even exist... suicidal tendencies are a fundamental and immediate call for mental health intervention. I honestly hope you get the help you need. I've watched someone die, and in the rattle of their last breath they hold onto everything they ever experienced.. and wished they could spend just a moment more here on this conscious plane of existence.. We all share that fate.. it deserves respect, the utmost respect.. don't program yourself in that direction. You are the master of your own universe..

I watched the first hour of the video. I won’t watch the rest because at that point it turns into negativity, and my subconsciousness doesn’t need to hear that.

But I had a lot of similar experiences what he talked about, and the insights in the first one hour are mostly correct.

And there is nothing in the video that justifies your idea. He says nothing that supports your plan to harm yourself.

He spoke about love and self-love. How can you expect love and self-love as a consequence of hurting yourself?

He speaks about loving your body. How is your plan related to accepting and loving your body?

I think you need a solid basis to start working or healing yourself with psychedelics.

Get a therapist.

therapy is a good start, suicide is the most irrational answer to your problems and will not provide an answer. You will just cease to exist. I've known people with suicidal tenancies and some of them that have tried to end their lives, were successful, but all of them just wanted someone else to care.

If this is your call for help, then make a change. The whole universe up unto this point has arranged itself to include you, don't recycle an eternity of conscious energy building on itself that created you. Your an expression of the love of the universe. Consciousness and creativity is what makes this cosmic game continue.

Most people don't care about you, because they don't know you. I've seen the program, the entities that exist in my mind and that dance with my soul. It's impossible to understand, but death on this world will not grant birth in an other, no matter the indoctrination you have received. We are all one, tetrahedrons dancing in the cosmic comedy we call life.

Please seek the help you need. Life is the most valuable thing in the universe.

Okay, s##t. First off,I want you to know that I know alot about suicidality from a personal perspective, as a survivor in both senses of the term, and can understand alot of where you are coming from. I think I may have a little understanding of what you are going through and I'd really like to implore you to wait it out. It must be terribly lonely and feel really crappy, and I am sorry that you must go through that, thanks for reaching out.

You must have had a pretty powerful experience, if you are talking about unity. It may have been recent, it may have been a long time ago and terribly difficult to integrate into your everyday life within the concensus. This can be really, really isolating, especially in a culture that doesn't give a shit about it. It sounds like you might be experiencing some real depersonalization, a sense of disconnection and meaningless. This is a real risk with psychedelics, especially with neurodiverse individuals, and if you contemplated suicide as a child, you aren't typical. But it's happened, and now you feel like killing yourself, but have reservations. I am sorry you feel this way. It doesn't have to end in suicide, and it could change into a vibrant life.

I could talk to you about my transformative psychedelic experience(s) if you want; when it happened, I was indeed suicidal beforehand and it was so powerful it left me struggling with how to make sense of it for years. It was transformative and for me eliminated the idea of suicide as legitimate (funny how unity works, different strokes? Or is it all inherent in the individual?) but left me, like you, emptied of meaning. Nothing made sense anymore. I was told the cosmic joke when I was 15 but did not get it I guess until 30 years later- in a psychedelic sense, and suffered all that time, becoming more and more marginalized in a sea of meaninglessness. It messed me up and has taken me a long time to integrate into a integral aspect of my being. Eventually, I was able to parse out meaning- real meaning derived from my own values and worldview- and put it into action, and live a life that I am proud to enjoy. You will FIND meaning in your professional life, personal relationships, the knowledge and wisdom you acquire and through the love you give.

Unfortunately, this wonderful gift of life and consciousness does not have a "meaning" setting built-in. It's a plug-in. That's why we have religions, power structures, economies, all the bullshit that runs the everyday world and creates that meaning for you. But that is for the folks that haven't seen what you have seen, is it? That's the challenge, young person, don't falter.

I'm not going to moralize or should all over you, that is not productive IMO&E, but I will say that I wholeheartedly agree with the implorations of the others here, you have been offered some solid advice, talk about invading lucid dreams and being a bad DMT-promoter aside. That said, I don't think you can know the suffering that a departure like that causes around you. It is the ultimate F-off. I do agree that pro-help might be useful, more in psychological than psychiatric sense, but also know how challenging and scary that can be to apprehend for yourself. For now, it is good that you are in a community.

We don't know who you are, cannot intervene and there are immense risks in interacting with you- to you. I see some others kind of pushing up on you, don't take anything personal, we do not know you as a person- it is the internet, only a step up from facebook. However I do want to engage you, when you say that it feels forced to extract meaning from life/universe/everything, why is that? That is, after all, really kind of your job as a consciousness. You don't sound like you are focused on material gain, but that something terribly important is missing from your experience in this world. What is it?

Yes, I'm already under treatment

If you take meds, and SSRIs don’t work for you, or have bad side effects, Wellbutrin may make wonders. It works on certain people but not on everyone.

Actually this god experience wasn't mine. My experience with oneness was more subtle. And thx for spreading your love. I already started to treat myself with a psychotherapeutic approach.



Job is a word that I feel "forced" you know. Make things feel a little "meaningless" or at some level, it removes the pleasure.

Clop i am from the firm belief that everything happens for a reason. U seem like you have had this experience and have come to a conclusion that we are all one and why waste your time down here feeling disconnected when u can take a risk and end it so u can fully connect. BIG RISK DONT YOU THINK. Maybe you should look at the reason why you are in this moment not what you can become if u take your life look at what you can become here and why you are here because I’ll bet it is not to end your LIFE. The pain and suffering it will cause to your family and friends words cannot describe. It will not be fair on your self too, if u fully believe we are one then ending your life will make u one less. You are a amazing being like we all are just lost at the moment this is your greatest test you can overcome it you will overcome it.
Lots of love to you my friend and lots of prayers stay strong TALK TALK TALK ✌️ and 🌈

I don't want to muddy the waters.. but have you heard the stories of the fire fighters that extinguished the flames at Chernobyl?

They worked without question, to fulfill their duties and unknowingly suffered a fate that no living creature should ever experience, and even then they gripped onto life as long as the palliative care could provide them, this is a reality of life.

The radiation poisoning melted the DNA that reproduced cells in their body, as their skin and flesh fell from their bones, the morphine administered wouldn't reach their brain because the veins of their bodies deteriorated to quickly. They died in pain, and wished for life.

People take life for granted, until they face death.

Do not take life for granted. I promise you this gift is one you won't see through your eyes ever again if you throw it away, thank yourself you never had to endure a fate like these lads had.

I'm sure there are more terrible fates, but you should never consider suicide.

If you are alive, there is any possibility for you to enjoy. But your fate should ultimately decide.

Live as long as you can, and experience the universe that you are helping to create.

-D

Clop, you know the limits of the internet and how this typically precludes the ability to really convey "the full story", be that your own personal history of your struggles and the finer details of others existential conclusions. Your post is concerning and you have had your attention drawn to certain points worthy of consideration by members here that should give you pause for thought.

I along with other concerned members would strongly advise accessing professional medical assistance; talking through your reasoning with a trained therapist would be a valuable input.

The notion of "Infinite Love", "God", "all is One" and the other terms which are liberally sprinkled by those concerned with the existential questions evoke mental responses in the hearer which can morph into definitional entities, with an assumed weight and apparent solidity. Contemplating what these linguistic terms mean to you may demonstrate the clarity or otherwise of your position.

PM me if you wish.

I really don't think you are contributing in a helpful way to the OP with a post like this, Anonymous2. He/She is obviously struggling to resolve an internal conflict and you're making the focus of the thread all about you.

The OP needs clarity, not extended self-centred rambling posts from someone who in my opinion appears to be struggling as well. You may mean well but your posts are off the wall and chaotic, and not what someone in the OP's position needs to hear.

Please reflect on what you're posting in the context of this thread. This isn't about you.

---

OP: @Clops

I've pulled out some quotes of yours in this thread. Before I go through them I would say please re-read the posts by Daturas, Null24, and corpus callosum on page 2 of this thread.



Your body does not want to die though, it does not possess that belief because it is not capable of possessing belief, only programming (which is non-negotiable at a physical level). All biological organisms fundamental drive is self-preservation above all else. No physical organism has been gifted the ability to reflect on death, only the drive to avoid it at all costs - otherwise life would have an anxiety attack and never succeed.

Only the mind can contemplate death, or suicide. Your problem is mind related, not body related - though your physical health may be adversely affecting your mental ability. This includes ingesting psychedelics!



Suicide, or rushing yourself to the grave through disintegration (substance abuse) is not going unlock the flow. Too many people get caught up with psychedelics believing it's unlocking some flow or route to oneness, but to the outside observer it is obvious where they are really heading.

Psychedelics are not a panacea to the mystery of life. From my own experiences with psychedelics and observing the journey of friends, both real and online, if anything they only increase the confusion by generating more questions than they solve. Useful for shifting the perspective of an individual, a slap in the face if you will, but slapping yourself over and over is not going to generate new wisdom just a sore cheek and maybe a bloody nose.

I have had life changing DMT experiences. Useful and amazing, but they never solved anything though. Anyone claiming to have solved the mystery through psychedelics is bullshitting themselves, and you. If you want real answers to the mysteries of God and Love you would be best placed not to put all your eggs in the psychedelic basket, trust me. Branch out, there's so many more rocks you have to turn over.



Real talk now, I think you should step away from psychedelic thinking for awhile. I can sense the vein in your posts I think and you are muddying up two strands of your life, and the psychedelic strand has hijacked your attention and is masking the real cause of your malady which is real life issues, whatever they may be - family, childhood, etc. The internet is not the place to sort that material out, let alone on a psychedelic forum. People here can offer advice and help, but really you need to talk to your therapist and to friends/family who can help you dig to the core of what's really bothering you.



You may be covering over the cause of your malady by labeling it as ego. There may very well be a set of memories or experiences that are calling for your attention, and that upon examination will free up your mind.

Not to encourage morbidity, but you may benefit from the stories of those who jumped off the Golden Gate bridge and survived. All of them jumped, were convinced it was the right thing to do based upon their own individual stories at the time, but the moment their feet left the ground and the realization of death dawned on them their thinking got real focused real fast.. and they inevitably realized they didn't actually want to die at all.

Suicide and depression is like that. It's a mood. A lens through which your attention is looking and caught up in. Moods are very powerful and they can shape our thinking and over time our personality too if we stay in them long enough. But they are not fixed and can be shifted. I know it seems real to you, which is why you need to get out of your head (and off digital forums) and go speak to real people like your therapist, friends and family.

There was a time when we were one. So many of us feel this desire for oneness, to reach for it beyond all things, it can only be because we experienced something as this oneness that guides us toward it. So there was indeed a time when you were everything and it's easily traceable: it was before you were born. The warm embrace of the womb in which you were cared for. Only you in the vast obscurity, center of all creation.

Yet that is the past, it's not here right now with you but in the form of a memory, so light compared to the weight of your entire, grown up body.

There's a suicidal will out there, and it's enormous, but it's not yours. You can step out of it. Step out of the boxes, their flat simplicity where an entire world is contained. Little places that are only for us, taking care of us. That exist only for us. It's a false oneness but accentuate our need for it always. We want more of it but we'll never have it, because it's gone. We will only create replicas and it will further our pain because it's never going to be the same, never going to be what it was because it's gone.

Now, we 're communicating by a light which exist only for us, it is looking only at us. It feels nice surely, a light that looks only at you. But the Sun looks at everyone, not just you, me, human beings. Everyone. When you go back closer to nature, nature won't care specifically about you, it's there for itself, it stands by itself. It's a world you are a part of and that can exist without you, there's an immense solace in that. It's the other side of this place where you came from, it's like a true world out out of the mirror one. Being among others, living their own lives. If you need to step beyond this veil of illusion and this desire for oneness that has been imprinted in you by our material constructs, all you have to do is get closer to nature, to feel this rhythm that permeates it and will permeate you. Beings that are alive and their own thing, not things to be owned. Being a part of nature, of the "one" is amazing, it's going to lift that immense weight of your shoulders that it is all about you, this very narrow place where there's no room to breath - no room for the primordial duality that is breath and that births all life - nor room for all the others, for all the colors and the sounds, the smells, the myriads of them. They aren't waiting for you, nobody's waiting for you right now, they're just there living their lives, and when you'll get back with them, you'll feel an immense joy. You were waiting for them. you'll just go along and live your life. No need for any more meaning than to be.

Then you might look back at the boxes with more compassion. They have a hard time getting out but they're pushing through, and at some point this pain of being torn apart between two world will be gone because you're already there and there's no place you'd rather be. A place where you're not alone. All the others who struggled through it, pushed through it are there. Everybody is there. A million little beings and none of them is the Sun, but the Sun shines on all of them. Half of the time.

Or maybe I read different books about psychology than you did. How about Eric Berne? You just took a common role in a common human game. So did the OP.

But unlike you, they might indeed need help. Maybe you should focus on your way to try to help them, and I focus on my way to do it. And in the end, we will not learn why they stayed alive, but I am okay with that.

Do you think your advice is not about you? Wow.

About a lot of arguments that already came up in the comments, I know for sure they don’t help. It’s basic psychology. But I don’t lecture those people who wrote them because I know they did their best to help.

So, don’t question my intention either.