I am reborn.
Ever since I turned 10, I begun to drift apart from those that I once held dear. I begun to think about the truth of Judaism, perhaps it was not for me. Deep down inside, I did not believe it, and while I continued with it in order to please my parents, it begun to irritate me greatly.
I was not so much curious about things, just wanted some kind of purpose to exist, isnt that the answer that we seek as it reaches time for adulthood? I begun to question the values of the community around me, the lies of my parents, the government, friends. For a time in middle school, I became a chamelion, the most fake of all creatures, attempting to fit in with the rest of the masses, to find a place for myself. Allow I had desire to succeed, I always ended up giving my chances away to other people. Part of me was extremly cold and calculating, but at the same time, the values my parents forced on me coaxed me into becoming someone altruistic.
Perhaps I realize now that I was screwing myself over in the end, and in reality, I should look out for myself first before others.
As I entered High school, these emotions begun to come to the service. I started smoking marujuanna, and for the first time in my life, geniounly enjoyed living. But this was in fact not my true purpose or place, only a foolish illusiion.
After I was placed on diversion, my way of life was shattered, perhaps all for the better. My first true psych trip, with a half 8th of mushrooms, turned out to be quite an experiance. All the feelings I had overwhelmed me and I had a very stressfull trip, due to my negativity. But it made me finally recognize the beuty of nature.
Then later on came LSA, the next stepping stone in my life. The HBWR can be a cruel teacher, and indeed it tought me much. I begun to have revolutionary ideas, daily life became irritating, especially my family. I started to hate the rest of humanity, they sincerly annoyed me. This went on for almost a year.
Today, It is 67f with a nice breeze. I sit in my room, the oak trees swinging with the breeze. Today perhaps I understand why I should exist.
I am great full to be alive, and to have the chance to be in this amazing world of endless possibility. I have learned how to sit back and enjoy the wonders of nature.
I know now that I dont need others to survive and enjoy myself in this world. I dont need a place that I belong. I don't need the material objects that keep me glued in this place. I have gone through a complete metamorphosis. I have taken control of my mind, it is no longer my enemy, but my friend, we are one now.
One of you told me on the chat a few days ago, that I need to love myself, and untill I do that, I will never be happy.
Perhaps now, I truly understand what that meens.
I thank all of you on the Nexus for helping me find the true way of life. The members here, from all over the world, separated by oceans and rivers and continents, somehow are all connected spiritually.
Some would say, may you all live a long life, but I will say instead, may you all acomplish in life, what your soul really beckons you to do.
Insanity never felt so good,
maxzar
The events that maxzar100 describes are only hypothetical, and never actually took place. maxzar100 has no link whatsoever to any illegal substance.
Quote:Salvia, the metamorphosis of reality. -Mz