Is it possible to delete this post for privacy's sake?

Some of the things you described are normal, like being short-tempered when hungry, and almost everyone needs good sleep to function well.

You mentioned HPPD. Residual effects of psychedelics are common and usually don't count as HPPD, but HPPD is a real, if uncommon thing.

The depression seems to be worrying you, so it might be a good idea to go tell this to a medical professional, and by that I mean a DOCTOR.

Although there is evidence that some psychedelics (shrooms in particular) can help with depression that does not mean that it is a good idea to dump psychedelics on top of your present mental state.

I had a sibling diagnosed Bipolar/Schizoaffective and, while I am not either of those I do suffer exogenous depression from time to time, and severe on a couple of occasions.

You are at an age where conditions like depression, schizophrenia and bipolar disorder commonly manifest. Pay attention to that. Don't do more psychedelics. Go see a doctor.

I think that its normal for some effects from a strong San Pedro trip to linger on for several weeks. There is a change in head space and body feel and visual accuity that lingers for me after strong cactus trips. Visual HPPD-like effects that are noticeable after a trip are common for a lot of people.

But a sense of emotional or psychological instability that lingers on after a trip is a different matter, and something that can be serious. Thoughts of suicide are very concerning, and shouldn't be taken lightly.

A break from psychedelics for awhile sounds like a really good idea. At 18 years of age your brain is still developing. It can be a very confusing time in life. A lot of the power of psychedelics is from their ability to disrupt normal thought patterns and views on things. But at 18 your thought patterns and views are still malleable and forming. A major disruption from a strong cactus trip can be really hard to make sense of. Let your mind clear. Let your brain develop and mature some more without the big disruptions. There is no shame in that. We all have to take a step back at times. Maybe in a few months or years you will feel stronger and ready to explore again. Let your mind and body guide you. Don't force the issue when the internal feedback that you are receiving right now is flashing warning signs.

I wish you all the best Woolmer. Much peace and love.

Hello

I always had the same problem. I want to tell you what worked for me.
A daily routine got boring for me and never worked but doing sports
everyday helped alot. I´m a skateboarder since the 80s.
I also do workouts every time i prepare food or do the dishes or whatever
around the house.
At your age its also good to keep psychedelics to a minimum.

I will be 40 years old next month and i still have the same problems you have
if i don´t stay sober for long periods and do alot of training and skateboarding.

You already realised there is a problem. That´s the first step for change.

If you can´t talk to anyone about that stuff you can always send me a message just
don´t slip into thoughts like that.

One more thing: When i was your age i got kinda paranoid and really miserable after a while from psychedelics.

Now they are amazing at any dose and always improve my life.
I made a 15 year break. I´m not saying that´s the proper way to do it but it worked for me.

You said you went to skate. Do you skateboard too?

Anyways stay safe and happy dyoode!

Hello guys,

Thanks, everyone for the replies. I tried to stay away from googling things for a while as I felt it was worsening my state. I feel better now and things are generally under control.

I have come to the conclusion that my biggest fear is slipping from the world. This is all that seems to cause my troubles. I show barely any signs of schizophrenia or psychosis (apart from the minor HPPD that I am experiencing).

I am wondering how I can manage this better and overcome this. I have become slightly obsessed with constantly checking myself to make sure what I am doing is normal. I want to simply submit to what I am doing but I am finding it difficult and overwhelming at times.

I seem to be making up my anxiety. I do not want to go to a psychologist and do not wish to take any SSRI's for fear of altering my brain chemistry in a negative way in the long term. I have not researched them thoroughly as incase I do need to go to a doctor, I do not want to worry too much about negative effects.

Basically I just wish to gain better control of this anxiety without any sort of medications. It's not as bad as it sounds from this post and I think it is definitely going down a bit.

Edit: I just had a long talk with my parents about what happened to my sister. There is no history of mental illnesses on any side of my family and the psychiatrist told us that my sister's bipolar disorder does not increase my likelihood. I feel really stupid about this whole thing and I apologize for the immaturity.

Yes man, I love skateboarding even though I kind of suck at it. I've been skating for about 2 years and can only barely ollie but I am struggling to ollie higher as I do not jump with the board so my backfoot does not catch it at the peak.

Got any tips for this?