Two nights ago I had a very intense experience with San Pedro dominated by fear and loops which I could not get out of. It was the first time I had tried any phenethylamine and it was prepared by using
this tek as a guideline with almost three feet of cactus, including all of the parts. I am not too sure whether my San Pedro is PC or not (it contains the V shape above the areoles which I thought was characteristic of non-PC), and I think this heavily affected the trip.
I dosed up at around 20:00, eating 15-20 one cm diameter resin balls in about 10 minutes. Around 20-30 min, I noticed some subtle effects but I was not sure if this was placebo. I was planning on having a relatively intense trip and had read in many places that mescaline is very forgiving and not many people have bad trips. I proceeded to eat a few more of these resin balls. A few minutes later, I ate more again, until I finished almost all of the resin that I had within 50 minutes. The effects started to come in stronger at an hour, I felt slightly stoned, tired, and started yawning a lot. I took a toke of DMT about 2 hours in to see the synergy, but what I found was that the San Pedro trip became dominated by the DMT and I merely felt the same nostalgia and slightly eerie feeling that DMT has. I listened to some music and just enjoyed the body load which was often described with mescaline.
From this point, my memory is a bit fuzzy. I began hearing things, my eyes became very dry, sounds became mixed. At a time one of my old dogs (18 years old!) came walking down the hallway to where my room is and I could not make out how far she was. I would hear a faint noise which could have been anything and my mind would race to figure out what it was and where it came from. I took my dog out of the hallway into the kitchen with me and eventually I went outside to look at the stars. They were quite beautiful, but standing outside was very eerie, again the sounds got to me and I returned to my living room. I sat down in a chair and tried to rest my eyes. I heard a sound, a couple of seconds later registered it as someone trying to get a glass out of the kitchen, and then a couple of seconds later I heard the sound of footsteps coming very close to me right before the room where I was sitting. I sat extremely still, nearly paralyzed, and began thinking about what to do about this. Eventually, I got up and went back to my room. Still feeling very stoned and slow.
I began to panic a bit, and tried to call a good friend. They did not answer and I slipped another step further. I moved back to the kitchen and began pacing around, downed a glass of milk, tried everything. I became very shaky, cold, my muscles began contracting a lot. I called my sister, and this helped to stop my panic from elevating. Time was so slow, I could not wait for things to pass.
At around 03:00 I told my sister that I was going to try and sleep a bit as I was feeling very tired. Normally, I am a person who cannot sleep on any substance and attempting to sleep intensifies any experience for me. In this case, I could close my eyes and drift into a very dreamy state, awake yet almost feeling like I was sleeping. I drifted into a San Pedro hyperspace, very small patterns unfolded in the darkness, and as they unfolded I would hear a weird slingy sound. The best way to describe the sound would be that it was similar to the sound that the lightsabers make in star wars. I was calmer.
Unfortunately, when the effects began to die down and morning came, I was so exhausted and simply wanted to sleep, which would keep me at a sort of elevated panic. All of yesterday I still felt like I was tripping a bit and today I am so glad that I got a good nights sleep. I am quite the insomniac and was so worried that I would not get to sleep.
Writing down a trip chronologically is very difficult for me as things become quite blurry. A few important thoughts that I would like to mention are here:
I am very curious as to why the trip was dominated by such a stoney feeling when people say mescaline is such a vibrant sort of drug. Was my cactus actually PC, containing small amounts of mescaline and more of the other Alkaloids which may have caused this effect?
Why was my trip so low on the visuals? It seems that many people say mescaline is very visual for them, yet I only saw faint patterns and things pulsating a little bit. It felt like my brain was blocking the visuals and instead of transferring it all into my state of mind.
The trip made me like a child again. I felt so helpless and just wanted to have someone there to comfort me. It was quite a nostalgic feeling. As a child, I would become so obsessed with my sleep and then not be able to sleep which would freak me out completely. I was so afraid that this would happen
Last year, my sister fell into a psychotic episode which lasted for months and eventually she was diagnosed with bipolar disorder. I became frightened that I was slipping into such a state, which made me obsessed with analyzing the way I was talking to people to make sure I would sound sane.
I feel as though I should have submitted to the experience, but at the same time I was scared that this would lead me into psychosis.
I think the fact that I fasted heavily impacted me. The reasons I became so shaky might be tied to a drop in blood sugar levels. When I get hungry I become so strangely frustrated with people but have recently begun to control this more.
Losing sleep is terrible for me. I become depressed after just a nights of bad sleep in some cases. I think I will never trip during the night again. I will never take high doses of a long-lasting drug again. For now, I am just going to stick to vaporized DMT.