Let’s satisfy the bureaucracy first. I woke up and took 150mg harmaline-HCL. Thirty minutes later, I took 110mg harmaline-HCL and 45mg DMT freebase with SodaStream lime.
As I swallowed down the freebase, my body reminded me why I switched to mushrooms. “But it will be great”, I told myself.
I brushed my teeth, took a shower, went to bed, and waited. As I felt almost nothing, I started to think about the things I think about when I am lying in bed after taking drugs and feeling nothing.
The room wasn’t dark enough. I got out of the bed, brought a blindfold for my face. When I closed my eyes, I started seeing blue blinking patterns growing above me and a silhouette of a creature looking down at me. I thought I was going to see hyperspace.
It lasted for a half minute. Then, instead of hyperspace, I was sitting on the rollercoaster. Lately, it’s a standard part of my trips. It comes in the beginning, and it’s a lot of fun.
The place reminded me of the Grand Canyon or some old-school computer game that depicts the positive aspects of a post-nuclear war landscape. The sunset dyed the background to orange. Many creatures and I were flying up and down. Everything was changing its shape. I saw the typical DMT eyes and faces on stones, trees, poles, on the rollercoaster, and even on myself.
If you are not sure what I mean with the “typical DMT eyes”, check out this:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NhQLBqtqZpEIt’s not the same symbols and shapes I see, but it’s close. It’s only about the forms. The rollercoaster wasn’t in dark space but a full 3D physical reality.
At a later point in the trip that I can’t place in time, I saw two glass vitrines — filled with dark and metallic mineral stones. Each vitrine had a pickaxe in it in addition to the rocks.
I knew the stones were different, as well as the pickaxes. One pickaxe could break one type of rock, and the other one could break the other type. I was not sure if the stronger pickaxe could break both.
I knew that different levels or layers of reality consist of varying matter and energy. One needs various tools to find their way through it.
It wasn’t clear to me whether the different types of pickaxes were referring to different doses of DMT or something else. The rue makes me stoned. The messages from the mushrooms are always clear because I need no MAOI for the shrooms.
“Maybe I should just vape DMT as normal people do.”
After the rollercoaster, I usually arrive in a beautiful minimalistic world made of metal, glass, discs, sparks, and symbols. I call it the Metal World. Today, I saw it only for a few seconds.
Instead, I started seeing humanoid, feminine praying mantis fractals. They looked like she, at least a little bit:
Except for they were humanoids, as much as a praying mantis fractal plant can be.
There is no point where they start. Everything is part of the fractal, but they alive; they move (and they are me).
Today, I saw a green and a white-blue one.
Then I dived to a lower and colder sphere and became a reptile. Although the place is pure sexuality, I didn’t see anything explicit. I don’t need to see it. I look at myself, and I’m happy about it.
The next moment, the whole trip (and my previous trips and everything else) was put together, and folded into a multidimensional box or cube that I knew for a while already. In this box, I often find myself upside down or without the sense of directions - since there are no directions. Time, space, mind, visions are all inside it, loosely connected. The “skin” of the box (from the inside) is my body, and everything is me.
The fractal-plant-praying mantis creatures were there, metal shards were there, and everything else - as potential - was there.
From somewhere buried deep, my consciousness was telling me I was on a pharma trip, I was fine, and I was going to survive.
Not that I needed to hear it, I was glad for the message. When you get a gift, it’s not about what you receive. It’s the intention someone wants you to feel good. Even if it’s from your consciousness, take it as a gesture.
As I realized I was on a trip, I realized it too I had to drink. I knew this was dangerous. Not for me but the trip. When I move, my visions usually shake-up like if my mind was an aquarium. It happens with mushrooms too.
After I drunk, the pebble-looking “matter” appeared. It often comes when I move my head on a trip. From the pebbles, tentacles often grow. I like tentacles, but sometimes other things grow from the pebbles I like a bit less.
It was overwhelming. I wanted to open my eyes. At the same time, I noticed a light-purple (dark pink) colored, djinn looking creature. Surprisingly, it was masculine.
I thought he was God. Or some close relative. Although all these options lead to a paradox, I can love Maya for what she is, the way she is.
But I could not get close to the pink God because he was behind a wall made of pink pebble stones or energy bubbles.
I realized that none of the pickaxes I saw earlier, and nothing I had at hand, could break through the pink energy stones.
It came to my mind Eaglepath wrote that one (I) should take 50mg DMT. I answered him I didn’t need that much. What if he was right? Maybe I wasn’t brave enough to take it, and that’s why I could not talk to God, regardless of how pink he was.
(As I am writing it down, I’m a bit sarcastic. During the trip, I had the same thoughts without any self-irony or sarcasm.)
As far as I can tell, my current dosage limit of pharma is not mental but physical. For example, on a decent trip, more often than not, I feel I need more oxygen. It doesn’t matter how big the room is. I need to open the door or the window. Then the place gets too bright, and I need to cover my eyes with something. Then I feel the texture of the cloth on my face, and it distracts me. And I mess up the peak of the trip.
It could be an illusion, but when the door is open, it doesn’t happen. It’s indeed like if I needed more oxygen on the trip than usual.
“Maybe I should try vaping that 50mg”, I thought.
I felt exhausted. I opened my eyes to see the room looked normal. The white ceiling was the usual deep-DMT-purple color. There is no place like home.
Soon, the room, as well as my consciousness, split into two halves. It was okay, but I thought I wanted to get out of the bed.
As I was crouching next to the mattress that I call a bed, I looked around. The room seemed normal.
I looked at the bed again. And I noticed that the blankets didn’t end where they end.
I examined the one closest to me. There was the blanket, and when it ended, it continued without solid matter. There was more of the same as a hologram/energy/spirit form.
I noticed the blanket, the bed, and the walls had barely visible light green dots on them. They made up writing or magical symbols.
I understood my blanket was sleeping and dreaming. I understood that it’s what the blankets always do. Blankets consist of sleeping and dreaming. (In retrospect, I consider them one of the smartest items on Earth).
Next to the blanket, in the air, I saw a few cubes. They were levitating. I focused on one of them.
The cube itself was transparent and barely visible if it was visible at all. Inside the cube, there was some shape or flower, or I don’t know what. It was a delicate shape made of blue, yellow, green, and maybe a bit of orange “energy”. Remotely, it looked like something from the movie Avatar on their first date in the night. But it was more like a mixture of an underwater plant and magical letters made of energy.
Everything is magic.
It was in front of me. Of course, I tried to touch it. I put my hand in it. Nothing happened. There was no interaction.
It’s difficult to consider it a hallucination. Both the “spirit” extension of the blanket and the energy flower in the cube seemed real for a few reasons.
First of all, as far as I remember, the rest of the room looked normal, except for the colors ad the symbols on the walls. If my eyes were, let’s say, “ghosting”, like an old television image does, I can’t explain it why I saw it only on the blanket.
If I hallucinated, as some people who never take psychedelics try to educate me, why couldn’t I interact with what I saw? And why they didn’t move when I moved my eyes? The cube close to me was flying upwards, but it’s position and movement was unrelated to my eye movement or direction of my sight. It looked totally real for a flying energy-magical symbol-flower.
Besides, I’ve never seen such an open-eyed visual on DMT or pharma. Unlike on mushrooms, my open-eye DMT visuals were either almost normal (only the colors were different, and space a bit melt), or a total madness similar to the center of the fireworks.
The distinct entity floating in front of my face and the spirit extension of the blanket was a new kind of DMT experience for me.
Unfortunately, they disappeared, and the visual part of the trip ended.
I enjoyed the insights for a while. Then I took another 30mg DMT without MAOI. I didn’t want to welcome more harmalas in my body today. The second dose of DMT without MAOI didn’t bring me visuals. Nevertheless, we had a great time.
Although I thought about sending one or two mushrooms after the DMT, I didn’t do it. I knew I saw what I had to see. That was it for today.
Lately, I always ask one or two questions at the beginning of the trip. I did it today. I got my answer. Now I have to put it into its place.
I don’t think what I saw was figuring out the “reality”, the energy, or the so-called quantum field. The “true reality” is the mind. What I see is the ever-changing Maya. Today, its rules differ from the rules from tomorrow, and none of them has a connection with the rules from yesterday.
Maya isn’t how the reality is. Maya is how I want the reality to be.
It’s wonderful.