It was late one night when I was on my front porch, and I heard some talking coming from down the street. I decided to check it out, and turned out was a nearby neighbor’s house where some people were still hanging out, so I joined. The topic of conversation turned to crazy drug experiences and I was talking about how for me, salvia took the cake, and one of the dudes was like, "well I've got some (spice) if you really wanna have your mind blown." I’m a bit drunk and have no concern, and am like "sure! bring it on!" They give me a one hitter packed with it, layered in weed, and I take a big pull, which they insist I keep holding in until I can’t any longer, and then have me follow it up with one more bigger one, and I’m already feeling it coming on strong.
I sit on the stoop and a loud whirring/rushing sound takes over. About 5 seconds later everything goes into black and white, and hand drawn cartoon outlines over my vision. I remember trying to say "holy shit" and the word "shit" trailed off into my brain along with everything else I could hear/see.
So now I'm in a completely black environment, no body or anything. I'm just like a pair of eyeballs looking straightforward into nothingness. Then a gleaming white polished marble “ufo” type shape appears from out of nowhere, humongous (100’s or even 1000’s of feet across,) hovering right in front of my line of sight, and it's the most vivid realistic looking thing I've ever seen. It seemed way more real than the things I see in actual reality on a day to day basis. Like electricity or some similar primal energy transformed into a tangible object. It had what looked like hieroglyphs along the edge of it, and they were glowing and pulsating reds, greens, as it began to slowly spin. By the time I was seeing this object it seemed ten or 15 seconds had passed since I closed my eyes after hitting the pipe.
So now I started trying to analyze what was going on, and think about what was happening. I remember feeling calm at this point, but very soon thereafter (what seemed like another 5 or 10 seconds) the object started fracturing and sort of transforming itself into interlocking geometric shapes that seemed to be struggling to fit together somehow, and I felt like I was being pulled towards it and into it, like I was becoming one of the interlocking shapes. This was the first time I started to feel uneasy. It felt as if I was struggling to stay "in tact,” while this monolithic disk was trying to absorb me.
My next thoughts were that I was dying, and I was desperately confused because I didn't know how I had gotten myself killed and ending up at this point in the first place...I had completely forgotten everything about being on the porch and smoking the spice as well, hence the absolute confusion and what was becoming a paralyzing sense of mortal dread. I felt an awareness of vague loose ends, pressing issues, unfulfilled goals, etc...in my life, that I was horrified would travel with me, unresolved, to wherever it was that I was going. As if they were physical things that might pollute my spirit and consciousness in this new crazy ethereal environment I was becoming one with.
Then all of a sudden I was stuck in a whirlpool of shadowy geometric activity, and it was keeping me just out of reach from some sort of universal “garbage disposal” of life energy, that was getting constantly and forever recycled. I felt I would never escape to be re-absorbed there, and processed back into the countless eras and life cycles that were occurring at a breakneck speed before me. The words/feelings “life...death...life...death...” were stuck on a furious repetition in my mind. I desperately wanted to be annihilated into unconsciousness, just to be done with the eternal, churning, purgatory I had found myself in. And that's when the voices started...
They arose very soft and hushed, far away seeming. The more I started noticing and fixating on them, I could make out what they were communicating. Basically, "it's ok...we know...stop worrying...let them go, just let it all go." I didn't know how to do what was being asked of me, so I just kept churning, yet listening. It seemed as if it was a panel or a group that had been watching me all my life without me knowing it. They started becoming more vocal, and it was then I could tell one was a female, and she seemed to be the most present voice, the leader, and it was a voice that resonated with the strongest sense of nostalgia and dejavu I've ever experienced. I was now aware that I was lying on something like an examination table, and the beings were hovering around me, with the reassuring “woman” at my feet.
That caused something to switch in my experience and I started to feel a both a relaxation and incredible sense of relief. The darkness started to turn into an orange color (oddly I had an "orange" experience on salvia too...) As soon as the color appeared there was an immediate change in the tone of the voices. They went from haphazardly trying to soothe me and calm me down, to talking "amongst themselves" so to speak, acknowledging that I was, indeed, starting to "let go." Kind of like, "oh wait...here it is, it's happening. Look at that, he's doing it...it's happening!" Like they were getting off on me listening to them and trying to oblige their requests of just letting it all go.
At that point the orange started becoming more defined, it was rippling. I could see straight ahead and it was all a bubbling orange/black texture with what seemed to be the outline of my face/body sort of embossed in the middle of it. It felt like I was exhaling, and the longer I exhaled, the more intense this feeling of goosebumps/pleasant chills became. The beings were now becoming very excited.
The sensation of goose bumps slowly, but surely, increased into a physical sense of intense euphoric buzzing. The ripples in the orange and black ocean started to highlight my self’s outline much more clearly, and the buzzing I was feeling kept escalating into what felt like a complete transformation of myself into energy waves shining out of me, turning everything bright yellow. I was now vomiting golden, liquid, ropes that felt like pure ecstasy upon leaving my body. I think the best way to put how it felt would be to say: imagine that a star is a living being, and try to imagine what it would feel like to be that star. Like I was Scott Bakula in the craziest episode of Quantum Leap ever, where he jumps into a star the moment it erupts into nuclear reaction.
This was a long, increasingly intense and orgasmic experience, that culminated in me facing a shimmering, pooled golden lava mirror image of myself, sort of in the style of da Vinci’s Vitruvian man, created from the stuff I had just expelled from my mouth. After some time it transformed back into complete blackness once again.
I wasn't in that black space for very long before my "real life" perception started coming back to me. It happened very slowly, and piece by piece. A streetlight swooped in from afar, then a column from the house tumbled into place, then a face expanded into view, then another and another, and then I was back in the world I had left, what seemed like, a long time ago.
Although everything was back and in place again, it was super crazy looking for another 5-10 mins (the people I was with told me I was "gone" for about 4 or 5 mins, and was sitting there calmly, with my eyes closed and head down.) The after effects, visually, were stronger than any psychedelic I’ve experienced. It looked like everything had a carbon fiber/diamond pattern upon it, sort of painted on. And the “paint” had a very vivid, repeating design that was stuck to the people and everything else I could see in front of me. Like, if there was a diamond on this person’s shoulder, when they would move the diamond would move too, as if it was part of them, not just a filter I was looking through.
There was also a rainbow/prism/lens flare all over everything. Very cartoony comic book feeling once again. It was really difficult to talk for awhile as well. It took a very long time to just get one word from inside my brain to get out of my mouth. Even though I was visually tripping harder than I had ever experienced before, the main sense I had during that period was that of immense gratitude, and returning to life, reality, and sanity.
This was most of what I can remember about the experience, although I feel like I forgot most of what happened as soon as I emerged from "no man's land." Kinda frustrating in that sense...like I mentioned earlier, I was pretty buzzed on alcohol when I smoked it, but after I was totally down I felt extremely clear headed. I excused myself and made my way back home to try and process what had just happened.
I ended up running into one of the guys who was there the next day randomly at another person's house, and he asked me if I had seen "her." That was one of the freakiest parts about the whole thing...I was just like, "Wait, what?? Her?? You talking about that voice?!?" He claimed that for those who truly "blast off," she can be a commonly encountered entity. I ended up researching many other people's experiences, and the female presence, along with a lot of the other things I saw/felt, seemed to be relatively specific, common threads.
I really have no idea whether or not this was purely a chemically induced hallucination, or the possibility that I literally zen-ed out of this world, and into another very real, if not more real, place and time.
TL;DR = God is a woman and she helped me become a shining star for a bit