I can relate to what BFP is saying.
I'm hyper-vigilant, a result of some stuff in early life. I've never used opiates, but nothing else of the things I have tried (basically everything bar opiates) comes close to 'soothing' the tension I feel when things starts to get a bit much. This despite the 'stuff' being largely alcohol-fuelled in the first place... Fairly unusually, I think, I have never caused harm/suffering to another person while under the influence. I seem to metabolize it well, maybe due to genetics (ha!) and transmute it into 'good energy' before crawling off into a corner to sleep it away, eventually waking up fully refreshed. I literally do not know the true meaning of the word 'hangover'...
There are other threads, and even shamans too, which find ethanol a strangely useful 'antidote' to some of the energies unleashed by the serotonergic medicines.
For me, the plants/substances which seem to lead away from this, are those which are kappa-opioid agonists (salvia, iboga, ketamine) and after large doses of each, is the only time I feel the thirst go completely away. But so far, I have always relapsed. Because I thought it would be different ;-)
Beginning with the death of a parent, and continuing into lockdown, this year has not so far been great, and I find myself drawn back to a slightly-earlier self who had more discipline, practise and connection.
Need to get back there, I think. Whatever it's putative benefits, it's a deceitful drag on the soul, IMO. The day can be half-gone before you get to grab it, but by then you're only a few hours away from 'downtime' again...
I wonder if, like nicotine, it's case of something that's 'ok' once in a blue moon, but pernicious if used regularly? Obviously the stock-market-state prefers the latter pattern to the former...
As always, I guess it just boils down to whether you have mastery over it, or it has mastery over you.
“I sometimes marvel at how far I’ve come - blissful, even, in the knowledge that I am slowly becoming a well-evolved human being - only to have the illusion shattered by an episode of bad behaviour that contradicts the new and reinforces the old. At these junctures of self-reflection, I ask the question: “are all my years of hard work unraveling before my eyes, or am I just having an episode?” For the sake of personal growth and the pursuit of equanimity, I choose the latter and accept that, on this journey of evolution, I may not encounter just one bad day, but a group of many.”
― B.G. Bowers
ॐ