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Did I hit the mushroom jackpot? Options
 
Anonymous2
#1 Posted : 3/8/2020 7:17:25 PM
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It seems I’m getting the most pleasant results.

My optimal dose seems to be 1.5 grams (dried). Between 1.2 and 1.5 grams, I get somewhere between "level 3-5" trips. The open-eyed effects aren’t that strong. They are intense colors (purple, green), or transparent giant snake’s skin moving behind the white wall. My body looks different.

With closed eyes, I get through hyperspace (it’s not like DMT but similar style). Then I get to distant worlds that seem more realistic (multidimensional). I meet creatures who talk to me and fight me mental battles (kind of training). I meet aliens who run experiments.

These experiences feel real and are solid. At the same time, I’m able to open my eyes, walk, drink, and even control the trip when it goes a bit dark.

Moreover, I can do it every second day. I believe I could do it every day. I’m just trying to finish a book and stuff like that so I can’t trip all the time.

It took me a while to figure out my optimal dose. When I started it and did research, 3.5gramms seemed a medium dose. To me, it’s an overdose but I didn’t know it as the visuals were not stronger. They were almost like weaker, and the mood was worse. Once I got almost paralyzed physically. I almost gave up when, fortunately, I was left with 1.5 GT, the remaining of my first ever mushroom kit, and I had a wonderful time.

Since that time it feels like a wonderful gift from the Universe.

When I take "mayahuasca" - (c) Anonymous2 - the optimal amount is 0.5-0.7 grams with 70mg harmaline-HCL (made of rue). It gets a bit closer to pharma than mushrooms alone do. I can see the Universe as an eight-dimensional fractal and such.

By the way, the mushrooms are from my first jars, B+ and Mazatapec.

How is it for you?
 

Good quality Syrian rue (Peganum harmala) for an incredible price!
 
Homo Trypens
#2 Posted : 3/8/2020 7:31:53 PM

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Hey Vilie,

I'm glad you found your sweet spot dosage for shrooms. Welcome back!

I haven't eaten shrooms in many years, i used to like estimated 2-3g doses, but i'm also a bit heavy Smile

I've been thinking about growing shrooms again lately, and it just so happened this weekend that the buddy i used to do it with is preparing to move and wants bulky stuff gone, so now i have our/his pressure cookers, jars, and a 2/3 full 100 liter bag of vermiculite. I also have some left of the shrooms we used to grow together, i'll soon grind up some caps and sprinkle then on agar to see if there are still viable spores in them.
 
FranLover
#3 Posted : 3/9/2020 7:10:32 AM

Long live the world in peace, prosperity, and freedom from suffering


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Hi Anonymous2 ! sounds like jackpot to me Very happy I often drink Aya with 0.7 of shrooms and its amazing but I dont enter visions. I've only had real visions on Changa though (what a technology! NASA should be studying that Big grin ) Perhaps incorporate using spirit herbs in tea (like Aya!) into your procedure for more effect. What a good deal. Its nice when you hit the sweet spot...lay back, enjoy the show, and learn ! Cool relaxing too
Todo lo que quiero es que me recuerdes siempre así...amándote. Mantay kuna kayadidididi~~Ayahuasca shamudididi. Silence ○ Shiva ◇ eternal Purusha.
What we have done is establish the rule of authority in silence. Silence is the administrator of the universe. In silence is the script of Natural Law, eternally guiding the destiny of everyone. The Joy of Giving See the job. Do the job. Stay out of the misery.
May this world be established with a sense of well-being and happiness. May all beings in all worlds be blessed with peace, contentment, and freedom.
This mass of stress visible in the here & now has sensuality for its reason, sensuality for its source, sensuality for its cause, the reason being simply sensuality.
 
Anonymous2
#4 Posted : 3/9/2020 9:17:16 AM
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FranLover wrote:
Hi Anonymous2 ! sounds like jackpot to me Very happy I often drink Aya with 0.7 of shrooms and its amazing but I dont enter visions. I've only had real visions on Changa though (what a technology! NASA should be studying that Big grin ) Perhaps incorporate using spirit herbs in tea (like Aya!) into your procedure for more effect. What a good deal. Its nice when you hit the sweet spot...lay back, enjoy the show, and learn ! Cool relaxing too


I like your comments, they are always so positive.

To me, pharma and truffles were quite close. Mushrooms (without the MAOI) were more random. Recently, I learned I could talk to them. They listen. For example, when it goes a bit scary, I can say, "Seriously? Okay, let’s go dark, I know you like it, but make it beautiful".

It works. I learned we are in the same team. Terrence McKenna said:

>> It’s amazing about mushroom you can talk to it. And you can tell it, "Be MDMA". And it will be MDMA. And you can tell it, "be LSD." And it will be LSD.

And the scariest thing is, you can tell it, "Be what you are for yourself." And it just begins to come apart. You cannot stand it. After forty seconds of that, I said to it, "I’m sorry I even asked." <<

To me, it’s more like letting the mushroom lead it and asking for adjustments.

I think pharma listens too but its reaction is slower.

I got in such a loving relationship with the mushrooms I decided to not only tell them my wishes but ask theirs. I mean, earlier, I started adding organic honey to their food (PF brown rice). Then I thought, what if they wanted something else. I considered the things I eat, such as organic mango or banana. Two days ago, I asked them during the trip. And they showed me a cake. It was not a PF cake but a real cake one gets for their birthday. It was a white base with red dots. I think it was full of sugar. I will get it somehow and grind it into their jars next time.

I also started believing mushrooms are how aliens talk to us.

Pharma is fun with mushrooms since I know the dosage. The only scary part was when I took too much harmaline. It happened twice.

Once, I was sitting in the bath tube with my hands on my ears as the flow of the water was too loud. And I was telling myself, "Yes, I’m Atman. Relax. Everything will be okay. I’m just afraid of Brahman. It wants me to create monsters".

It may sound funny. I’m laughing at it now. But it really happened like this. Sometimes I end up at a place I consider the ultimate reality. In fact, a few months ago, I didn’t know what Brahman and Atman were. I visited that realm a few times, and I googled for what I saw and felt, and that’s how I found it.

There is another place I like a lot. I call it the "metal world". It’s full of silver and gold disks and faces with red and black letters and symbols on them. Sometimes its only sparks on the metal. Everything is shining. It’s unearthly beautiful.

A few weeks ago, when I was there, two faces were floating in front of me. That was on mayahuasca. On pharma, it’s less alive and more metallic. I asked a question. I didn’t ask it from the faces but they started laughing at me. "Who is asking whom?", they said in my mind.

Another time, there was a woman there. I considered her a clone of myself. She was playing with a flashlight and pointed it to my eyes. When I’m in this metal world, it happens almost always that bright light hits my eyes. It’s a pleasant feeling. It’s usually a reflection. The flashlight was new. (Also, it happens at most once per trip).

Then on the left side of my head, I saw a portal. I looked through it. I saw the inside of an airplane. I thought I was flying on it. I couldn’t see myself. The person was checking their luggage if everything was all right in it. "Okay, it must be me". And when I opened the luggage, there was a whole world inside it. Either this one or a similar one, in which I was lying on the ground too and tripping on mushrooms.

 
Anonymous2
#5 Posted : 3/9/2020 9:54:44 AM
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Technical details:

D:

I have freebase made of Mimosa Hostilis with NaOH and medical benzin. (I consider NAFTA made for machines.)

Syrian Rue extract in HCL form. (Vinegar, NaOH, NaCl, days of filtering).

Psychologically, pharma is more gentle/predictable than the mushrooms but also more alien. Visually, hyperspace is more vivid and defined. To me, it’s 2D cartoonish. No elves. It’s like if I was under a huge tent and the things were projected on the walls and the ceiling. After visiting hyper, I can arrive at more physical-looking (or at least multi-dimensional) worlds too just like on mushrooms. My consciousness gets more scattered than it is on mushrooms. I am less aware of what happened to me and what’s going on. At the same time, it’s more neutral than mushrooms.

With open eyes, things look almost the same as usual but everything is beautiful.

Physically, it’s not so great. Drinking the freebase is meh. (30-45 mg, usually with lemon or coke). Then, when it comes, I feel pressure on my mind. It’s okay but a bit scary. The pressure goes away when I arrive at hyper.

I don’t vape D.

Mushroom:

Physically, it also starts with a strange feeling in my head that I can’t describe but it’s more pleasant than the onset of the D. As for the taste, I almost like it. Unlike on truffles, my stomach is happy.

It’s a huge bonus I need no MAOI, however, it’s more economical to take them together, and the experience gets different (closer to pharma).

Psychologically, it’s more random than pharma. A few times I started crying. It was the best possible form of it though. I never cried on pharma.

It has a tendency to show me scary or disturbing things but I find it easy to turn it back. It’s strange that when I am lying and I start to move, for example, to drink, even if the cup is next to me and I have to move only a little bit, and I keep my eyes closed, the vision gets "shaken" like if my head was an aquarium. After the shaking, it almost always gets darker than it was before. Fortunately, I can say, "Really? Again? Can we just go back or start something new and pleasant?"

With open eyes, I can see fluorescent symbols on my body and moving snakeskin inside the walls but these might need a bit higher dosage, somewhere around 2grams.

***

What doesn’t work is having food before I take it. When I took pharma maybe two hours after I ate, almost nothing happened, even though the dosage was a bit higher than what I need.

Yesterday, I took mayahuasca also two hours after I ate eggs. For a long time, nothing happened. Then the mushroom showed me with visuals how it felt being mixed with food. It wasn’t disturbing or disgusting at all but I understood why it didn’t like it. I said, "Sorry. Won’t happen again."

Then it showed me four-legged, dinosaur-like creatures walking out of the ocean, growing to the sky, and turning into buildings. The whole vision was monochrome. It looked like a digitalized old movie with digital noise. "Okay, I won’t eat again before I take you."

Then I fell asleep. Later, I woke up. The mushroom was still with me, and it was putting small worlds into bubbles of time in my mind. That was colorful already.

***

I’m rooting Nexus, DW02, DW08, and DW10 leaves from https://herbalistics.com.au/

Darren was super helpful. All my orders arrived in brilliant packaging. Top service.

(Rueshop was also great. http://www.rueshop.com/ )

So, I guess, maybe half a year from now, I can try something that’s closer to aya than to pharma. It will be exciting. However, I think I will stick with harmaline extract instead of raw rue. I used to chew raw rue. The HCL extract is way better.
 
Anonymous2
#6 Posted : 3/9/2020 10:11:25 AM
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Homo Trypens wrote:
Hey Vilie,

I'm glad you found your sweet spot dosage for shrooms. Welcome back!

I haven't eaten shrooms in many years, i used to like estimated 2-3g doses, but i'm also a bit heavy Smile

I've been thinking about growing shrooms again lately, and it just so happened this weekend that the buddy i used to do it with is preparing to move and wants bulky stuff gone, so now i have our/his pressure cookers, jars, and a 2/3 full 100 liter bag of vermiculite. I also have some left of the shrooms we used to grow together, i'll soon grind up some caps and sprinkle then on agar to see if there are still viable spores in them.


Hello Homo Trypens,

I wanted to send you an email.

I took two months of break only to learn that everything I saw was good, and these experiences turned my life into a better direction.

I also learned not to discuss my visions with my therapist and friends. I tell them only to those who understand.

So, it’s all great. I try not to delete my posts from now.

 
Anonymous2
#7 Posted : 3/9/2020 10:31:52 AM
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Maybe I will make a brew of mimosa bark. I’m also thinking about ordering blue lotus. Did you try it?
 
FranLover
#8 Posted : 3/9/2020 5:20:50 PM

Long live the world in peace, prosperity, and freedom from suffering


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Anonymous2 wrote:


They listen. For example, when it goes a bit scary, I can say, "Seriously? Okay, let’s go dark, I know you like it, but make it beautiful".

It works. I learned we are in the same team. Terrence McKenna said:

>> It’s amazing about mushroom you can talk to it. And you can tell it, "Be MDMA". And it will be MDMA. And you can tell it, "be LSD." And it will be LSD.

And the scariest thing is, you can tell it, "Be what you are for yourself." And it just begins to come apart. You cannot stand it. After forty seconds of that, I said to it, "I’m sorry I even asked." <<


:o
Amazing. I've noticed this too.


Anonymous2 wrote:

I got in such a loving relationship with the mushrooms I decided to not only tell them my wishes but ask theirs. I mean, earlier, I started adding organic honey to their food (PF brown rice). Then I thought, what if they wanted something else. I considered the things I eat, such as organic mango or banana. Two days ago, I asked them during the trip. And they showed me a cake. It was not a PF cake but a real cake one gets for their birthday. It was a white base with red dots. I think it was full of sugar. I will get it somehow and grind it into their jars next time.


I wanna know how that cake substrate turns out Very happy

Anonymous2 wrote:

There is another place I like a lot. I call it the "metal world". It’s full of silver and gold disks and faces with red and black letters and symbols on them. Sometimes its only sparks on the metal. Everything is shining. It’s unearthly beautiful.

A few weeks ago, when I was there, two faces were floating in front of me. That was on mayahuasca. On pharma, it’s less alive and more metallic. I asked a question. I didn’t ask it from the faces but they started laughing at me. "Who is asking whom?", they said in my mind.


I know that feeling. Amazing stuff! *_*

I have not tried blue lotus. Try B Caapi (Aya) tea with shrooms =) (if you can obtain it, Aya is a goos spirit) there are also many other teas, verbena, lemon balm, mugwort, chamolile, lemongrass, skullcap, chrysanthenum, etc, etc, they all syngergize.
Todo lo que quiero es que me recuerdes siempre así...amándote. Mantay kuna kayadidididi~~Ayahuasca shamudididi. Silence ○ Shiva ◇ eternal Purusha.
What we have done is establish the rule of authority in silence. Silence is the administrator of the universe. In silence is the script of Natural Law, eternally guiding the destiny of everyone. The Joy of Giving See the job. Do the job. Stay out of the misery.
May this world be established with a sense of well-being and happiness. May all beings in all worlds be blessed with peace, contentment, and freedom.
This mass of stress visible in the here & now has sensuality for its reason, sensuality for its source, sensuality for its cause, the reason being simply sensuality.
 
Anonymous2
#9 Posted : 3/9/2020 5:48:56 PM
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FranLover wrote:


Amazing. I've noticed this too.



I heard it in this video: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aAlaRdrcQcY

There is another hour left. Then I’ll watch True Hallucinations.

FranLover wrote:

I wanna know how that cake substrate turns out Very happy



I’ll keep you updated. Maybe I’ll mix it in the rye I just received. I don’t know where to put them. In one room, they are colonizing. In another room, they are fruiting and sometimes swimming. On the dinner table, they are getting dried. I should write it above the front door of the apartment, "Mushroom Wellness & SPA"

FranLover wrote:


I know that feeling. Amazing stuff! *_*

I have not tried blue lotus. Try B Caapi (Aya) tea with shrooms =) (if you can obtain it, Aya is a goos spirit) there are also many other teas, verbena, lemon balm, mugwort, chamolile, lemongrass, skullcap, chrysanthenum, etc, etc, they all syngergize.


I’ll take your advice and get Caapi. The store that has it also has lotus.

A few weeks ago, I got San Pedro babies. They are so cute and lovely I’m not sure I’ll ever be able to cut them.

I used to eat meat for more than three decades. There were days I ate only meat. I think it was my second pharma trip that turned me into a vegetarian. I can’t even explain, why. I always loved animals. I didn’t start loving them even more. I just can’t eat them anymore.

 
FranLover
#10 Posted : 3/9/2020 6:20:36 PM

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yesyes Caapi! Its good for you Smile Its delicious, its benign, its easy, its deep, its subtle, its been used since time immemorial and hailed as the Mother of All Plants, Ayahuasca mantay kunay kayaridididi.

DMT made me vegetarian from one second to the next too Very happy Its inconceivable to me that people eat meat and justify it, dont feel cruel, disgusting, barbarious. The angels came to me and said "what is such a beautiful being doing with dead carcasses in its stomach" and I said "why yes, what is a beautiful being doing with dead flesh in its stomach?' and became a vegetarian that very second. So amazing! True healing. I'd say you do love em more now. We hurt the things we love. This is mankinds dilema. When we stop hurting the things we love we reach higher levels of consciousnessssss....Ommm. God bless. Jai gurudev.
Todo lo que quiero es que me recuerdes siempre así...amándote. Mantay kuna kayadidididi~~Ayahuasca shamudididi. Silence ○ Shiva ◇ eternal Purusha.
What we have done is establish the rule of authority in silence. Silence is the administrator of the universe. In silence is the script of Natural Law, eternally guiding the destiny of everyone. The Joy of Giving See the job. Do the job. Stay out of the misery.
May this world be established with a sense of well-being and happiness. May all beings in all worlds be blessed with peace, contentment, and freedom.
This mass of stress visible in the here & now has sensuality for its reason, sensuality for its source, sensuality for its cause, the reason being simply sensuality.
 
Homo Trypens
#11 Posted : 3/9/2020 9:53:54 PM

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Anonymous2 wrote:
Hello Homo Trypens,

I wanted to send you an email.

I took two months of break only to learn that everything I saw was good, and these experiences turned my life into a better direction.

I also learned not to discuss my visions with my therapist and friends. I tell them only to those who understand.

So, it’s all great. I try not to delete my posts from now.

I wanted to email you too! I was just really occupied with some stuff of my own, and i didn't know what to write. I am very glad that you made progress integrating your experiences.

Anonymous2 wrote:
...

I’ll keep you updated. Maybe I’ll mix it in the rye I just received. I don’t know where to put them. In one room, they are colonizing. In another room, they are fruiting and sometimes swimming. On the dinner table, they are getting dried. I should write it above the front door of the apartment, "Mushroom Wellness & SPA"


Very happy
 
Anonymous2
#12 Posted : 3/30/2020 10:41:22 AM
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Love is Love
 
Plutarchalitea
#13 Posted : 3/30/2020 6:48:11 PM

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Awww hope your San Pedro babies are doing well!

Nice dose too.

I will probably start at .75 to 1g when I use mushrooms again.

Most likely months away from that still.

Nice pic Anonymous2 makes me almost wanna ask if you are vegetarian/vegan/plant-based hehe?

Edit: Vegetarian. Terrible habit I have of skimming threads. Read it more completely. Apologies.

I am vegan when I behave, vegetarian when I get careless but I don't think my values need to be revealed just yet.

Ethics aside (I am awful FYI but at least I am aware and want to change, my uncle once said how can you eat so healthy but live the way you do driving me to live with him years ago in a drug court nightmare, like he drinks alcohol indulgently and eats lots of meat but is so successful and organized anyways I digress quite selfishly and rudely perhaps sry) I absolutely love how I feel just eating plants.
 
Anonymous2
#14 Posted : 3/30/2020 9:58:36 PM
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Plutarchalitea wrote:
Awww hope your San Pedro babies are doing well!

Most likely months away from that still.

Nice pic Anonymous2 makes me almost wanna ask if you are vegetarian/vegan/plant-based hehe?

[...]



My first mushrooms grew more than two months after I started it. When you are already set, you can keep it going.

The cacti say, "Thank you for asking. We are so happy here. But Anonymous2 should make the apartment a bit brighter."

It’s interesting you asked me about the meat. I used to eat meat all my life. There were days I ate only meat. I could live on meat, but without it, I could do nothing. Then I had some reasons to change my diet, although, meat wasn’t the issue. Finally, I found paleo and became healthier than ever.

Last year, I tried DMT, truffles, and pharma. I think it was somewhere after my second pharma trip when I became vegetarian. I couldn’t believe I did it.

It’s not that now I love animals more than before. I always loved them. I removed the earthworms and the frogs from the road in the rain to save them, etc. I felt bad and could not work without meat though.

Pharma changed it. Or maybe pharma and mushrooms together.

I don’t think the meat was bad for me, or it would be bad. I just don’t need it anymore. I can go on fruits, eggs, sometimes cheese. Earlier, I felt bad without it.

Lately, I ate fish. I might decrease the amount of it. Is it called the Pescetarian diet, isn’t it?

I will always eat eggs but I was okay without the fish, I think. I had a few weeks full vegetarian period before the fish. I think I can do it with eggs only.

Alcohol is far the worst substance I’ve ever tried. Many years ago, I stopped it for forever.
 
RoundAbout
#15 Posted : 3/30/2020 10:40:13 PM

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Anonymous2 wrote:
It seems I’m getting the most pleasant results.


Why is pleasantness so relevant?
 
Anonymous2
#16 Posted : 3/31/2020 8:04:45 PM
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RoundAbout wrote:
Anonymous2 wrote:
It seems I’m getting the most pleasant results.


Why is pleasantness so relevant?


Because it teaches you to eat the cactus instead of sitting on it.
 
downwardsfromzero
#17 Posted : 4/1/2020 1:24:02 AM

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People sometimes have the concern that looking to exogenous compounds just with an intention of pleasure can lead to dissatisfaction within one's day-to-day life. A soul-wrenchingly miserable and/or terrifying trip, on the other hand, can bring about an immense sense of relief and gratitude for our mundane reality once the effects of the material have passed. Fortunately the horror and the misery are not a prerequisite to experiencing awe and gratitude, as you've probably noticed. And of course: different strokes for different boats!

Incidentally, boofing/plugging refined cactus extract is reported to have reliable, nausea-free effects so your comment about not 'sitting' on the cactus isn't 100% correct Wink




“There is a way of manipulating matter and energy so as to produce what modern scientists call 'a field of force'. The field acts on the observer and puts him in a privileged position vis-à-vis the universe. From this position he has access to the realities which are ordinarily hidden from us by time and space, matter and energy. This is what we call the Great Work."
― Jacques Bergier, quoting Fulcanelli
 
RoundAbout
#18 Posted : 4/1/2020 3:14:17 AM

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Different strokes for different boats indeed. I think your style of use would probably break me as a functional person sooner rather than later. I've noticed you have deleted many posts in the past, and you've made some long and very intricate posts that must require a lot of energy to be able to see through to the end (but maybe not). These just appear like two opposite phases to me. Maybe I'm thinking about vibration too much now after reading your post Razz I experience something like this (not really evidenced by my posting history albeit) so I read into other people's language and project my own tendencies on them.

Perhaps this is completely irrelevant to you, but I just thought it couldn't hurt to say something. And now I want to delete this, but I'll post it anyways.
 
Anonymous2
#19 Posted : 4/1/2020 1:25:08 PM
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There is a common belief as if suffering was needed or made one “stronger”. It comes from the subconscious of society. Even more, when you ask people, “Would you like eternal happiness?”, they often answer, “That would be boring”.

(What?)

In his book called Transcendental Meditation, David Lynch writes about suffering and art. He says calling it a benefit is false. He says Vincent van Gogh could have painted better paintings if he didn’t suffer.

Bach came from a healthy family. As far as I know, his life was okay. Now imagine two musicians talking:

“What do you think of Bach?”
“Well... he wasn’t that bad. He was OK. I wonder ...”
“He should have suffered much more.”
“Exactly! OMG, then he could have composed such brilliant music.”

No, people don’t say the above. They silently ignore when an achievement comes without suffering or pain, at least. It doesn’t fit.

Before I took pharma (or even DMT), I found a lot of articles about ayahuasca saying, “Never do it without a trained shaman, and especially not at home”.

I saw a video on youtube about how a guy was fighting a huge dark demon on aya, and the shaman was trying to help him. Regardless of the shaman’s effort (flute music, what else), the whole trip seemed a nightmare.

I told someone I would do pharma at home alone. She freaked out.

I said:

“If you want to be a victim of the dark energies, be sure to have someone with you who protects you from the dark energies. If you do it, you ask the dark energies to exist. You ask them to come.”

Fortunately, I stopped reading the articles and trip descriptions soon after I read the first one. That might be why my pharma trips were always pleasant.

Unlike about pharma and DMT, I heard so many negativity about LSD and mushrooms in my life, again and again, that my first mushroom trips were not that great.

I noticed my truffle trips were much better. I didn’t know why. I think they were better because I didn’t know about the truffles. I learned about them only in the store. And the shopkeeper said only good things about them. I knew the substance was the same. But he told me they differ.

There was a period when I didn’t think I should take mushrooms again. It was the last remaining pieces of dried Golden Teachers from my first and only mushroom kit that showed me how amazing they are.

From that point, it took me three months to have mushrooms at home. The trips shifted only better and better. It was a huge step to learn I could talk to the mushroom and ask it “show me something else” when I saw unpleasant images. Later, I also said, “show me things you like, but don’t go too far”.

The final step was when I realized I didn’t have to say these anymore. We got to know each other.

It is wonderful.

If pharma worked without MAOI, I would take it way more often, a few times a week.

From life, you get what you expect.

 
RoundAbout
#20 Posted : 4/1/2020 7:57:36 PM

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Posts: 340
Joined: 19-Nov-2018
Last visit: 16-Nov-2024
Sounds like you've got things mostly figured out. Carry on talking to yourself then.

That sounds super passive aggressive; I just mean I don't feel like I'm going to contribute anything helpful, and we're already talking past one another.
 
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