So it has been almost a full day and Im still trying to process everything....but last night I drank about 3.5g of syrian rue tea, took a shower and made my place ready for this trip. I felt my head was in a good place, I very relaxed and open to this experience I was about to have. I packed the bowl of my bong with changa and about 30g of DMT, played some icaros and made myself comfortable on the couch.
Preflight nerves kicked in so I only took 1 lung full. It was a pleasant experience, but not where I wanted to go. After feeling more conifdent, I put more DMT and changa in there to completely fill the bowl again. I was feeling amazing, confident and ready to accept what was coming.
One big hit and the buzzing started, second big hit and that pain of regret kicked in because I knew there was no getting off this ride.
I dont remember what happened next, blackout? Donno, but I felt there was a gap in time where I recall NOTHING. Then it hit me, like a fucking truck. Panic, fear, everything set in as I saw nothing in my apartment except a kaleidoscope of colors (and I know my eyes were open)...at the center of my field of vision was this pulsating, rapidly vibrating entity. I got the impression it was like "Is this what you really wanted to see????" I jumped off the couch but collapsed on the floor, I ripped my necklace off, I thought I had intentionally snapped my glass bong in half. Nothing existed, only it and me. Nothing made sense, everything was insane....I felt like my mind had had snapped. Then the first entity was gone and was replaced with a clown (joker??) that was made up of spheres. With him, I felt that he was amused that I was in this fucked up state. I thought I had trashed my place, like destroying things. This trip just wouldnt end. I had enough of a mind at that point to think if I just threw up, it may hep me come down so I crawled on my hands and knees to the bathroom.
Im in the bathroom but couldnt purge. That clown was still with me, again, everything was insane. I got the impression that if I dont become a better person that this is the kind of hell that I would exist in forever. By that time I finally realized that I was not dead. Actually at that point the visuals turned from bright colors to something more dull and everything was organic. Like as I had one arm over the toilet bowl, it was all tentacles, moving....just organic. Would have been a beautiful trip if I hadnt been shown what hell can be like.
The messages I received as Im sitting on the bathrom floor, still out of my mind tripping was to clean up my act, be a better person, etc. I kept saying over and over again "Ok I get it, I get it!" Just anything to make it stop. It took about an hr to fully come down, but I had to turn on all the lights, stop the icaros and play something more up beat. Hot tea I think helped too. But I did spend quite a bit of time pacing just to ask it to stop.
Every other time I had smoked, I was either in tunnels or if I go deep, its always in this round room, like Im in a sphere, a bubble. Theres usually something in there, like the time before it was this octopus creature with hieroglyphs all down its arms. Probably the most beautiful thing Ive seen. It feels weird putting this out there, but the first thing I saw could have very well been god. It seemed like it was the end all be all of everything. Like there was nothing more powerful than it. Now for that clown, fuck him. He was the one showing me what a living hell could be and he seemed to almost enjoy it.
Sorry for the typos, Im still trying to digest all of this and I apologize for making this so long, but its just a glimpse of what I saw, experienced and felt. Take me back to those round rooms any day over what I went through.