Hello fellow travelers,

after lurking on the forum and in the chat for quite some time, I decided it is about time to make my first post and to introduce myself. I've had a long history with substance use that changed a lot over the years. In my teens I started with smoking some weed and went to amphetamines from there. At that time and at the region I lived in, no one was talking about psychedelics and so I used what was available. I struggled with depression a lot and hoped this would help me relieve the suffering. Well it didn't work out very well so I stopped using any substances and focused on my career. That worked for some time but I eventually found this path to be dissatisfactory as well. I had a bit of a personal crisis at that point because every way I tried to run away from suffering seemed to be futile. Then my sister killed herself and that sent me in a very different direction. In the letter she wrote to me, she said that her last wish was for me to become happy. I had no idea how to do that. I started meditating and reading about buddhism. For a while I even joined a buddhist center. But these people were so extremely focused on their Lama (teacher) that it seemed like a cult and I left. Then I stumbled upon the writings of Alan Watts and Terence McKenna and started reading about psychedelics. This seemed like a shimmer of hope and I ordered some 1P-LSD (was still legal in my country). I tried it and was blown away, this was a completely different level than what other substances had given me. It felt spiritual. I was raised without religion or spirituality so that was a very surprising turn of events. I ordered more and experimented with different dosages and a while later I started to make music. At first I learned the piano, then continued with synths, drums and traditional tribal instruments. The music really helped me to integrate these experiences. I wanted to share the gift of LSD with others and so I started to organize events. Every weekend I would invite around four to eight people to my apartment and I would serve them LSD, play live music for them and try to help them through their trips. This went on for maybe eight months. Then a few people had bad trips and I started questioning this whole endeavor. I still continued the events for a while but then I met a shaman and had a long talk with him. He invited me to join a rapé ceremony and later a wachuma (cactus) ceremony. At these ceremonies I could see how psychedelics get treated and consumed in a traditional context and that seemed so much more natural than my events. I wanted to learn everything I could from him. After this I stopped hosting events myself and started learning. I spent a lot of time with the shaman and travelled to different countries to join ceremonies. The highlight of these journeys were the Ayahuasca ceremonies. Maybe I will write a more detailed report of those later, but all I can say now is that it changed me deeply. I returned home and sorted out my life. I bought a house, got married, continued to make music and learned as much as I could. I missed the benefits that I got from Ayahuasca and so I learned to extract DMT. Having spice available at any time was a huge relieve and helped me with my depression tremendously. Now I am organizing ceremonies (cactus) with the shaman to try to bring this medicine to the people who need it. There is still a lot to learn but at least my fear of suffering is a lot weaker now. Thanks to all of you for providing me with so much information. I learned a lot on the nexus. Let's see where this journey will go.

Sorry to hear about your sister as well. I like your introduction and cannot help but compare it to my own. I always have had a hard time with being personal, sharing personal information. A lesson for me today. Thank you!

Thanks Dao, I was really nice talking in the chat with you. I'm looking forward to speaking with you again.





I had a hard time with that as well, but with time I realized that without being able to feel at least a little vulnerable life can be very dull. As long as you don't share any information that can identify you in real life, sharing personal information online is a great way to practice.

Thank you for sharing

Also had a sis doing that a long time ago, time is a wonderful healer and scars are not to be meant disappearing I suppose, as long as the wound is healed one can hardly ask for more imho.