Inspired by this passage about Syrian rue in the Hadith (a Mohammedian scripture)
[elegantly explained by ouro here] and
several compelling studies on the health benefits and antimicrobial powers of P. harmala, I embarked on a 40-day course of 4.6 grams of raw, ground Syrian rue (Peganum harmala) a day. I divided the 4.6g up into three doses, spaced throughout the day. The main goal was to
rid my body of babesia, or otherwise
cure me of rheumatoid arthritis. Side goals would include processing any psychospiritual material that came up.
For the first few days, I ingested the powder mixed in warm water or apple sauce. GAG. I also aimed to do this on an empty stomach. BARF.
Literally, I had to take a pot to barf in into my room, and there was a night where I was barfing all over the house like a sick dog. Thankfully, I learned that encapsulating the powder and swallowing the pills with meals would greatly reduce the nausea. Thanksgiving was coming up, and I had to not barf all over my relatives.
Several excerpts from my journal:
Dark images [at night, especially], creative violence, imagining worst (and best at other times) scenarios.
I ruminated a lot on the creation of the universe, trying to fathom how the universe was created from nothing, seemingly. After many arduous nights of contemplation and daydreams (some while driving), I eventually came to the conclusion that the universe was created by a God who was in essence, rhythm, and by extension, music. God is like a heart, but not even an object. He is the rhythm which pulses through all things. This is the only way that creation could be created and the only way that creation could continue to create beyond itself--by sustaining these messages by resonating with the original pulse. Indeed, a pulse, sped up enough, becomes perceived as a tone, hence music emanating from a single *KNOCK KNOCK KNOCK* from God from the inside of Nothingness, against the plane or veil that separates "It" from the rest of its creation.
I envisioned a multiverse--many bubbles of creation, many of which would not survive the test of time. Whew.
I slept and spent a LOT of time in bed. Probably 12-18 hours within any given day. This was my "in" time, my time in the cocoon, a time to do nothing and just perceive. Not unlike iboga.
Significant in regards to rheumatoid arthritis: 2 weeks into the adventure, I began walking a lot more than I had been able to. The inflammation in my historically "bad" ankle had gone down and I was able to go on ~30-minute walks, increasing in time and distance every day, which is something I hadn't been able to do in this way for something like 5 years. I was walking and going, "Holy FuckCrap" over and over again. This lasted a week, until some personal circumstances brought down my mood and I ended up "falling off the wagon" in some other areas of my life. My daily walking had ended, but I had seen the light of what was possible.
Another benefit was that my eating habits basically normalized. I was cooking and eating beautifully-composed meals, balanced, pleasing and healthful.
But perhaps the most valuable thing I have taken from the whole thing is, well, I'll read from my journal:
Quote:One of the most noticeable effects of the Syrian Rue expedition--and it has lasted 2 weeks after its completion so far--is that I have become much more comfortable speaking my mind. At first in the 40 days, I became really quiet--absorbed in feeling, being, witnessing. Disarmed, floored (couched, bedded), wordless. I was made humbly aware of my needs, and then I slowly began to voice them with newfound certainty.
Being constantly Rue'd made me a bit helpless, and least at first, until I got my sea-legs.
You know how there are kind of two iterations of impetuses in response to words or action? Like, your knee-jerk or gut reaction to something, an instantaneous reaction. Then your filters and self-editing techniques kick in, and you compose a more ...composed response.
Syrian Rue was showing me how to embrace the first response, because I was more in touch with my emotions, how I *really* felt about things. Forget the secondary response. This effect has largely stayed with me 2 weeks so far after stopping the Syrian Rue. I now choose the first, not the second wave response, which is fettered with inhibition, self-doubt.
~
A few days into the 40 days, I began to get mild panic attacks, especially as the dose hit 1-2 hours after ingestion. I recognized, however, that these panic attacks stemmed directly from my docility, and that I could resolve the panic by moving into action toward the things that were stressing me out. Syrian Rue begged me to move into action towards the unresolved things in my life that I was stressing out about just underneath the surface of my now gently-unveiled subconscious.
As I moved into action, I saw many tracers, similar to the ones I saw on Iboga.
As I became more in touch with my emotions (mostly pain) I also became in touch with my desire to get better in a very real, immediate way. The motivation to do the things necessary to get better increased. This has been invaluable in my quest to heal from the complex disease known as chronic Lyme.
Although these and perhaps more benefits arose while I was taking the Syrian Rue, I cannot say with certainty that I could not have also gained these benefits on other substances, like mescaline-containing cacti, for example. I faced myself. Many of the things I describe sound like other substances. Indeed, I was nauseous for most of the time, so it wasn't perhaps the pleasantest route to dig deeper within myself. Then again, you get nauseous on cacti, too. And I wouldn't extract it.
One attractive feature of what I did was the clarity of having a set goal to achieve (the 4.6g/day for 40 days) and knowing that I would have some salubrious effect. So many studies point to P. harmala's medicinal powers, not to mention Mohammed agrees.
Now, I shudder at the thought of having to take Syrian Rue again. Please, no. No more. Ugh. Maybe next year. Maybe never. Anyway, time to move on to more pleasing, and probably more directly effective entheogens (in terms of reducing inflammation, uplifting mood, etc.).
No, I am not cured of my rheumatoid arthritis/Lyme disease/Babesia, but I feel a lot more empowered to do so.
Thanks for reading,
RS
From the unspoken
Grows the once broken