I've only been using DMT for 3 months but I've started to have these thoughts about how I've seriously messed my life up in various ways over the years.

These thoughts are pretty intense and normally occur in the few days after a trip.

Otherwise, I have noticed a marked improvement in myself. I've started exercising, keeping my space tidy, being kinder to people and being more sociable/chatty. I know this is due to the DMT because the change was almost instant as soon as I had my first trip. I was in a major depression before and not doing any of these things.

I just am a bit worried about these dark/intense thoughts. I am wondering - is the DMT showing me the truth about myself? If yes, some of this is pretty tough to look at. Almost impossible actually.

But I keep thinking about that bit in Fight Club with the acid burn.

Is this what is happening? Or am I just messing with my mind too much (I'm doing low doses approx 15mg every couple of days)

Any input would be much appreciated. Thanks xxx

It can indeed reveal your faults to you.

On the one hand it is important to face yourself from time to time. On the other hand, i would say, that we all fuck things up and make mistakes....and ruminating is not a good thing to do.

Maybe, if you have these thoughts or feelings, it is best to take a distanced, analytical look at them. And ask yourself:"what have i learned from this mistake, and how is that relevant now"?. And then to simply leave that thing behind and move on.

And maybe take a break from DMT and other drugs from time to time.

Best wishes.

Hi Dragonrider, yes I see what you mean about the ruminating.



I'll have a go at this.

Thank you for the advice xxx

Hello, Tara!

We use psychedelics for a number of reasons, but, IMHO, the best thing about these chemicals is that they allow one to look at oneself through a filter one normally wouldn't.

Allow me to elaborate. When one is sober, our ego puts up all kinds of defenses to protect us. Some of these defenses are to protect you from outside influence; some of these defenses are to protect you from yourself. Our minds rationalize and justify things that we may have done, making excuses why it's ok to have wronged someone, for instance. It is often so subtle that dont recognize what is happening, and we move on about our life, oblivious to the havoc we have caused.

When we take psychedelics, our ego's grip on its shields start to falter, sometimes failing completely. When happens, you get the opportunity to examine oneself from an outside perspective.

This is why integration of your experiences are so vital. By catching these unadulterated glimpses of our self (present and past!), we can make a more conscious effort to better ourselves.

I wrote a comment on another thread recently about how each of us at this moment are the people we are because of all the experiences we have had brought us here. The good and the bad, the right and the wrong, the stupid and the brilliance. The light and the dark inside our hearts.

All of these things brought you to this point in your life. The important question to ask yourself is this:

"Do I love the person I have become?"

For me, the answer is yes, I love the person I am. And as such, I can make peace with the wrongs that were done to me, as well as make peace with the pain I have cause others (and pain I gave myself!). And making peace with your past fortifies you in the present, which, in turn, helps you walk a better path into the future.

Anyway, hope this helps. Hope to see you around the boards.

With love and respect

L.D.

DMT can indeed potentially show you negative parts about yourself. My suggestion is, before you embark on more journeys, try to make sure you are truly working towards fixing those issues, otherwise the trips will tend to get more negative. Also remember that self-analysis and criticism to oneself is very necessary, but so is self-acceptance. You cannot change the past (nor circumstances beyond your control), all you can do is change how you look at that past, and try your best from now on.

Please check this health and safety section on integration.

Be well!

Hi Lucid.deviance, thanks for your comments, this is a really good explanation.



I guess the answer to this for me at the moment is no but that's why I'm using the psychedelics and trying to make improvements. I hope in time I'll be able to make peace with some things and answer this with a yes. That would be really great!

Thanks so much for your advice xxx

Thanks so much endlessness this is helpful and makes a lot of sense.

I will read that page right now, cheers xxx

I would not state you can't change the past or any circumstance in our life. The later is much easier though. But yes, without turning into ourselves, we can hardly succeed. Which is case of most people.

What is also helpful is the purge, a real aya purge, not a normal purge. Strict caapi on it's own can do that already, it is an emetic. Extracts are lesser powerful for that.

One should not question if the purge can do that or not, but confirm that you are going to use the purge for that reason, period, it is you who is in charge of the peculiarities and character of the purge.
Once you are purging, assemble all your trouble, dark mind, sickness, negativity, heaviness, etc etc, call on it, call it all out and purge it. When I do that I also call on all sickness of the world, negativity, etc etc, because we are interconnected with the world. Making such a purge is a mission, a hard work, it comes from under your nails, it gives destiny and definition to a soul-purge.

Hope that might help.

Just to clarify, I don't mean we can't change any circumstance, i just said we have to accept the ones that cannot be changed, that are beyond our control. For example, maybe one circumstance you could potentially change is a career you don't like or move elsewhere, but if you're paraplegic, at least until a new breakthrough therapy is invented, is something people can't change so they must learn to accept it and live with it.

Btw im curious regarding what you said about the past, you seem to imply you can change it... How?

Eek I purged once on mushrooms, haven't had the guts to go back...

GOD GRANT ME THE SERENITY TO ACCEPT THE THINGS I CAN NOT CHANGE THE COURAGE TO CHANGE THE THINGS I CAN AND THE WISDOM TO KNOW THE DIFFERENCE

YOU'VE ACHIEVED SO MUCH ALREADY.

Now is the beginning of forever.

Don't hark on the past, make the changes from what you learn and move on.
Don't expect it all to come at once, just keep moving in the right direction.

The future's so bright, I gotta

Also remember not to judge yourself too harshly for these 'faults', just see them for what they are and don't dwell. We've all got them, a lot of people aren't fortunate enough to see their own.

It sounds like you're doing the right things and on the right path, but be careful of 'using the psychedelics to make improvements', they can point you in the direction but only take you so far.

If you're having doubts about yourself then I would lay off psychedelics until you've given yourself time to integrate and regain a degree of composure.

When you're in a state of doubt about yourself then exposing yourself to more psychedelics isn't a wise move. You've exposed some things about yourself you wish to work on.. taking psychedelics can bring the focus back on to these things again, and increase the doubts, which can spiral and become a thing in itself when it need not be.

Psychedelics are a form of induced traumatic experience. They shift your perception way out of the ordinary state. It is shocking. Would you continue to expose yourself to such trauma in any other circumstances without first regaining a degree of composure first?

Traumatic events often force people to become introspective about themselves and change direction in life, or re-evaluate things in their life. This is because trauma shakes our focus and ego.

I think all entheogens have the power to reveal your faults to you. That is one of their most healing qualities imo/ime.