While I have been a member of the Nexus for close to half a year, this is the first experience that I have posted. I'm not sure why, but it's almost as though the fact that my typing speed cannot approach the rapidity of my thoughts and words that actually typing an experience seems to move along far too slow in comparison to talking aloud with friends about it. Like I said, I'm not sure what has prevented me from posting experiences, half the time I come back from "over there" im so eager to share what I've experienced that I can't really believe it has taken me so long to finally post, but here goes...

Last Saturday marked the first day of my freedom from University and I spent it outside enjoying the uncharacteristically cold/snowy weather. The whole day I spent contemplating taking a pinch of psychedelic...I was in a weird state where I wanted to have a journey, but did not know how high I wanted to dose. I considered taking a hit of acid or a small amount of shrooms, but decided against the 'cid cuz I didn't wanna be tweaked out (I'm not a fan of uppers/downers or synthetics in general) and didn't want the shrooms cuz about a week ago I ate 7 grams of incredibly weak shrooms with no results other than a nice body load and very very fleeting visuals that left much to be desired. I considered ayahuasca, but did not want to take the time to run the caapi through the herbal percolator (I had some chaliponga brew already made) and thus decided to give pharmahuasca a shot.

At this point I grabbed OJ, spice, harmine, and my trusty scale. As I was to learn, as trusty as my scale was, it's operator was less than reliable. I measured out .150 of DMT and proceeded to dump it into the OJ, then weighed out the harmine and noticed that it was far too much for 200mg ( i had questioned the amount of DMT, but it was an older batch and I figured it was just a "fluffier" batch). At this point I realize the mode on my scale had changed, calculated how much DMT was in the OJ (~400mg+) added 400mg Harmine and drank half the brew, intending to sip on the other half throughout the experience. Long story short, once the vibrations and heat started up within my body, something possessed my to drink the remainder of the liquid in 2 gulps. At this point, I lay back in my bed and fell asleep...

Awake, but dreaming I had the sense of leaving my bed...consciousness slowly seeped from my skull and I felt my Light propelled through space. Suddenly I was awake in an alien setting that still defies explanation to my mind...I can't even conceive of what the architectural framework was in this place, it was the most mind-boggling beautiful structural __________ It was more than a room but less than a planet, a finite space that was less than relevant as the inhabitants of this place were so thrilled to have me back amongst them. Deja vu was dripping from every interaction, every gesture, every laugh and there was a lot of laughing. Their capacity for play was endless, it was as though I had reverted to 2 years old and found joy in being, joy in speaking, joy in looking, joy in everything. We continued to play for what felt like an endless expanse of time, but was probably somewhere around 30 minutes or so. At this point I was conscious of floating back to my room and as I came back to this strangely familiar enclosure, I had a period of contiuous laughter...NASA! HAHAHAHAHAHA, we're going to meet aliens in tin cans rocketing through the universe? Ok, well, sure, we can meet them like that, but I just met them and played with them and exchanged with them without a 20 trillion dollar budget...This line of thought amused me endlessly as I still had much of their revelationary knowledge ricocheting around my cranium. One statement from an early vaped DMT experience always comes back to me when I'm in an experience "There's so much that I have forgotten" being in hyperspace removes everything, leaving that one timeless tidal force that flows through all, and suddenly, upon remembering this, tears began to flow down my face.

As I reached up to feel the wetness cascading from my eyes, their streaming became a metaphor and I found myself carried away in the rush of consciousness, into a loop that showed me how a looped instant of time becomes a gradually longer moment. I was an unconscious observer to this infinite loop of time...my ego evaporated, the beginning became the end and I forgot that I had ingested DMT. Existence became the figure eight loop of infinity, unfathomably large, yet occuring within the most infinitesimal timespan. An eternity passed and yet time stood still. Suddenly, I thought myself into existence, my own consciousness lending a linearity that transformed loops into spirals and suddenly, I was born. Tears were still streaming down my face and their moisture gave me comfort.

I wandered out of my bedroom, seeing a brilliant jeweled mist everywhere, as on ayahuasca (but more vivd) or vaped spice comedown (but longer lasting) and saw Heisenburg's Uncertainty Principle within this mist, i could see the possibilities for location and their determination based on time in relation to velocities and was aware of my own body in multiple positions at the same time. Unbeknownst to me, one of my roommates had invited several friends over and I staggered down the stairs to see if anyone was around the house (i had a startlingly sober moment of curiosity in regards to my own residence and roommates). Apparently I tumbled down the stairs to a degree and appeared in the kitchen, staring off into the ceiling while those in the livingroom wondered what I had taken. I kept seeing elves playing in the "ceiling" which was no longer anything earthbound as I had rapidly begun another wave of "departure". After interacting with the elves who were playing games around my friends briefly, I began to wander back through the kitchen (again completely lost in the ceiling). At this point, I cannot accurately say what I was seeing, other than it was a whole lot of "there" mapped over anything visible here.

I made it back up to my room, where I was again subjected to the loops of time, which now had lessons of judgement present in them. As i began to dissect and examine my judgments of those I had just encountered downstairs I saw the inescapable limits my judgments were creating. I passed out for a while at this point and awoke later, again conceiving reality to always appear as I was viewing it, forgetting I had ingested any psychedlic. I got up to urinate and stepped on my air duct for my cannabis plant (R. Kelly, she's trapped in the closet) multiple times as I fell into a loop in my doorway. The best part about this loop was that the elves were back, seemingly having guided me from a sleeping psychedelic state to a much more active one. Having gotten my no-longer playful ass out of bed, they were ready to get back into their shennanigans and explained to me with impish grins how I was going to get stuck in this particular moment, whereby whenever I looked up I would see my friend (he just joined the nexus...welcome, pro_bert) but would then be lead by the elves back in time, only to look up at pro_bert again, knowing exactly what would happen. This loop went on infinitely as well and was ended only through the elves finally "releasing" me. I say release, but I was not a captive, at least not any more than a child who is being mercilessly tickled by his wicked mother . I still can't get over their playfulness. I'd played with entities before and had incredibly important information revealed to me, but never had a experienced such a truly deep, meaningful, all-encompassing capacity for play.

The last couple hours of the trip were mostly visual, less engaging and i fell asleep and woke up several times to my recollection, each time noticing I was more down but still heavily affected. When I awoke the next morning my lips were dry as all hell and chapped like crazy (which is odd because while I never use chap stick, I never get dry or chapped lips) however, noticing that the tip of my nose was in a similar state, I've hypothesized that this incredibly painful dryness was the result of rubbing my face against my bed and pillows for long periods of time throughout different parts of my experience.

I'm still unpacking and incorporating this experience into my life, it seems like I glean something new from it everyday. I'm so thankful for this experience, for it showed me so much that I've forgotten. This was the kind of experience that I can feel has already picked me up out of the funk that I've been struggling through for the past two years. The next day I felt so happy, so at peace with everything, it was a calm that I had experienced after an eating an eighth of mushrooms 2.5 years ago. My then girlfriend cheated on me with a bunch of different people, lied about it, and bailed on me when my grandfather (who was like a second father to me and for who I am named) passed away (it was a little more complicated than that, but that's the basic gist). It all happened so quickly I had no time to process anything and have felt the residual effects of that shit storm continuing to influence my life for the past two years (two of my aunts basically went nuts when my grandfather passed, one of them was on high doses of benzodiazapenes for her grief, wtf?? and her and her twin seemingly lost all touch with reality and became very gimme gimme gimme and otherwise hurtful in relation to my grandfathers memory and my duties in distributing his estate). This trip highlighted a lot of the issues that have been kicking around in my life since that point and I am so grateful to have been given such a powerful method for examining and seeking to correct these personal issues.

I am so grateful for the spirit molecule and this community as a whole...I'm sorry if I've come of as abrasive or standoffish in the past, I have been striving to make these changes in my life and feel that this massive and somewhat subconscious dosing was a huge step in progressing me down the path I have been seeking to walk.

I love you all so much...

....and the awakening continues.....

...congratulations on some truly deep work little brother. beautiful to read and beautiful to know that another soul has peeled another layer of detritus from his truest self... we all grow from such experiences. truly.

MUCH LOVE AND GRATITUDE!!

thank you for posting. i felt like i had de ja vu reading about your de ja vu.

im

SnozzleBerry, very moving post. Makes me happy and inspired to see such progress. I had a shit storm that still is affecting me today, though the spirit molecule is helping.

Live long and prosper.

Thanks SnozzleBerry - that was a thoroughly enjoyable read!


I think, even if you don't post your experiences it helps to write them up. Even scribbled notes have been a great aid to me.

I have found it surprising that there is such a 'playful' vibe to a lot of my own experiences. I meet these entities and expect profound heavy knowledge telepathy and instead get giggles and a playful 'mucking about' with reality for their own entertainment. Perhaps they understand that humans first learn through play?

With you on the deja vu also. I recall that I often break through with an apology along the lines of; "sorry, I forgot you were actually real, now I remember all this- of course!"

It's interesting that you relate being aware of your own body in multiple positions at the same time to Heisenburg's Uncertainty Principle. I hadn't thought of it like this before. Simultaneous perceptions of multiple location are one of the most disturbing features of the experience for me. Very disorientating and difficult to integrate upon return. After reading your report I'm gonna re-familiarise myself with some basic physics.



A lesson for us all there. Cages of our own design.


I'm really glad that you feel you've gained so much from this experience in relation to your personal issues. Healing and understanding are sometimes one and the same. I'm also trying to break out of a cage made by my own 'real-life' experiences. At the time you just don't see how you are being enslaved by negative events.

Thanks again for writing this up- and GOOD LUCK

SnozzleBerry

Awesome report and experience! Makes me want to take a heavy (NOT 400mg!) oral dose very soon.

I am sorry to get stuck on old-lady safety issues, but I am so glad your tumble down the stairs did not lead to a broken bone or worse. Stay safe and live to trip another day!

Peace & Love,
Pandora

Thank you all for your replies...

Transitory: the more I've explored psychedelic realms, the more I've found myself witnessing phenomena discussed in basic physics, chemistry, and quantum theory. Even if in certain cases these are not exactly what I'm seeing, it's so similar that I don't know what else it could be and rather than losing these memories due to a lack of reference point I find that bundling them with their seemingly apparent scientific concepts helps me remember and unpack some of what I saw. Additionally, I gotta say, the as I've read up on quantum physics and the things the theorists behind it have to say I'm continuously blown away by how psychedelic they all sound. Their discussions of reality underscore so many of the implications of the edges of perception that we are all so enamored with, it can't just be coincidence. I know an older professor who sees the gas exchange of trees from C02 in to 02 out. Considering the fact that psilocybin increases visual acuity and edge detection, who knows how many concepts and theories and what else we could potentially be opening our eyes to. I agree, we inhibit ourselves far too frequently. Good luck with your own cage my brother, peace be unto you.

Pandora: Far from seeing you as a whining matronly figure, I completely feel your sentiment. The one thing I definitely failed to do on this trip was adequately inform those around me what I was doing, which is a first for me in that sense. As to the stairs...yea, it probly could have been bad, apparently I had pretty bad lock-knee which led to problems up and down the stairs on that one venture, but I escaped physical harm. Thank you for your concern and much love.

SWIM has this 'de javu' experience every time with freebase breakthrough.

SWIM always hears just as breakthrough is happening, "There we go", and reality peels away. Another common phrase, and I can only give the phonetics, "doe weeblie doke", no clue what it means. About 4 or 5 experience ago, SWIM was having conversation with some entities, and was confused about the context of the conversation, the entities realized this, commented SWIM had forgotten and turned hyperspace. SWIM was like, oh yeah, but hasnt a clue as to the specifics of the 'oh yeah' context. All intriguing.

Thanks for sharing