This is not and was not my first steps in hyperspace, but I dug back into some old notes because I wanted to share something relevant on the subject. This is from a decade and a half ago which was the period when I first extracted my DMT as well as some other things.


DMT : Dung Beetle

70 milligrams of DMT vaporized in 2 deep long hits. Crackle, crackle, buzz, buzz. Energy fields and total beauty were quickly interfered with by slithering snakes and tentacles which came out of nowhere to weave around each other and create a dome over me. They didn’t want me to get beyond them, but I didn’t let them scare me so they became a wall of nothing as I passed through them.

Constant tones increasing in frequency, vibrating in the center of my skull was the last human sensation I recall before leaving. Crackle, buzz, zip!, CRACK!!

Earth was gone, sky was gone, there was nothing but a blank space or blank page which might’ve seemed pure white, but I’m not sure it wasn’t silver or grey. Then this blank space was filled by what seemed to be that which had just been spat out the top of that human head I was recently residing in. As if just woke up, crawled out of a hole, and fell to the floor was a beetle creature which I was observing as both something alien and as myself. For some reason this beetle had a shiny wire or set of shiny thin wires somehow attached to it which led back to wherever it came from, and I could see it was nearly pulled tight and had just a little slack left in the line.

All at the same time my reaction to this beetle was ‘Eww, yucky bug!’ & ‘Aww, beautiful creature.’ & ‘That’s a pity.’

While I’m having these feelings about the bug, I was feeling higher intelligence beings having reactions to the beetle and me such as loving, worried & concerned, hopefulness, expectations, disappointment, confidence, etc.

Two phrases I distinctly heard from a higher intelligence being was first:

“He saw himself!” (in a very hopeful cheering “yes, this is progress” yet still concerned and worried kind of way),

then

“Put him back in!” (in a very ‘that’s as far as he goes this time’ and ‘let’s see how much progress and trauma he makes and takes from this for now’ sort of way).

Next thing I recall experiencing was just that, being put back in. I was attached to a swirling, twirling silver coil of what looked like thick air, smoke, or fog, but it felt and sounded like metal such as a metal slinky or unwound guitar strings being flapped around. As this spiraling coil thing tightened, I saw my body sitting in the chair in front of me, the coil was entering my body’s head and funneling me back into it. Suddenly I was behind my eyes again, in the chair, with my body having spasms as if I was being electrocuted. There was no doubt in my mind that I had just left this body that was so jolted by me getting back into it.



More to come and I'll try to put them in some kind of logical order like they occurred. Not every one of them is conveyable with language, but I sometimes try and do the experience a little justice with words. Thanks.

The beginning, the end, heartbeat smash.

High-purity dmt freebase, oil-burner, torch lighter, in a chair on the porch.

The whole trip was basically this... seeing god (or what I think god is... just the ultimate power of nature, life) It was repeating its message to me between bouts of my having useless information go through my head.

How much of this pounding can my heart take?... I had a very matter of fact sense of being right where I could so easily just do 'the big let go' and leave my human form dead in it's chair.

So gratifying and so beautiful, and also a bit scary because at that point I'm totally believing that I could die if I decided to stay in the saddle for a true ride outwards to where we came from and where we'll go.

"facilitates the soul's movement in and out of the body," (Strassman) yea, I believe it 100%.

This dmt smoke session was one of those experiences I'll always remember something very special about, even though amnesia is as prevalent as ever with the specifics.

I went into it.. got through the doorway to the furthest beyond. Very complicated message explained and understood in half an instant.

then... my heart is really pounding, slight worry... maybe I should've tied a string to myself on this one, my soul is about to be spat out of the crown of my head.
ok, my body will do just fine, let go of it..

And then right back into it and the dmt was like, “ok listen up, I'm repeating the big bang for you again"

Wow!! Thank you!!

pound.. pound.... body? heart? you'll be ok, right?

dmt: “look! pay attention, here is everything!"

I see it and I feel so blessed, ... but I think maybe if I don't hold up at this here doorway I might become the first guy who dies of heart failure after smoking dmt.

Hey, this is going to fade soon... go ahead and let go completely.

DMT says, "Ok let the explanation roll once more, come this way." And reviewed for me is everything there is to comprehend about the ongoing existence, the beginning, the end, and the beginning with no end. All there for my benefit yet I still couldn't get myself 100% focused on it while I was feeling like a grasp for human body and earth was crucial in being able to continue my human life.

I stayed there in my chair on the porch as I grew aware of how nicely my rotation of breaths, up/down head movements, and saliva swallows were flowing completely involuntarily.

Ready to stand and walk in the house, I get up and... SMASH! (the oil-burner fell off my lap as I stood) I had a short laugh at that and said with a calm voice and a smile, "That's what happens!"

DMT : Becoming the Sun


Around 70 milligrams of white DMT loaded into an oil-burner. I think I took in all 70mg on the first hit and then smoked up some old residue for a second hit. And I was off.

As I headed toward the breakthrough there was something that made me decide to try and sustain a disinterest in as much of the aw-inspiring visions that might be about to move in front of me as possible. This 'strategy' is always part of it, but never before had I mustered up so much will to not be distracted. I wanted to see if I could grab something from hyperspace that was not confusing, something raw with no illusions mixed in, or at least something powerful yet easy to decipher.

On the way up I noticed how very calm I was and how very slow my pulse was going. I was effectively meditating in my body on the way out and that really had me set up for a good trip. I had a lot of intention and the only thing I expected was whatever I was supposed to get. The few quick visions I had on the way through were all reviews of previous dmt trips. I saw my previous dung beetle trip and knew it all tied into what was about to happen. I also knew that I wasn't going to have mixed feelings of adoration and disgust this time. If I take the form of a beetle somewhere between here and where I want to be, then this time I was about to see myself in a new form, likely one a few leaps beyond the bug, and I knew it was coming.

The peak of the trip was simple and had a lot of impact. My soul really did a number on my body on the way out, especially my skull which the light of my being blew holes in until it was all completely shattered. Light beamed out of the holes until it was all broken away and I was nothing but light, a bright rotating phasing light, a sun, a star. At peak I was doing nothing, visually watching nothing, I was just being a star. I was the ball of light in the sky that's too bright for people to look at.

In my last moments of being the sun I was seeing all the way down on everyone as if I were so far away yet close enough to watch everything. Loved ones were around, most significantly were my two parents who are currently getting older, but they were reverse-aging while I was the sun in this trip. Everything was sunny and golden and I heard or felt them saying something like, "He's making it a very nice day isn't he?"

On the slow ride down I was having quick visions and thoughts of the implications of all this. This trip was so not visually complicated, and it's really awesome the way it can be that way or the other in equally powerful ways.

Since, I've had repeats as sleeping dreams of seeing loved ones outside on a golden sunny day which I was not within but was making, giving, and projecting onto them.

These are awesome! They sound like really cool experiences.

I once had a THC "breakthrough" where a crumpled-up piece of paper I was holding turned into a beetle and crawled around my hand, after which I had a very similar reaction as your, on top of thinking I became a god, of course .

I wonder if the beetle has any higher significance or meaning?

An Egyptian thing maybe.

1.5mg salvinorin-a

At bedtime I put about 1.5mg of salvinorin in an oilburner, turned off the lights, and hit it. I held the flame to the glass for the full inhale then set the pipe down. I couldn't tell that I had inhaled anything but warm air, but I held it in as long as I could then exhaled what seemed like nothing and laid down.

My brother and his girlfriend were awake downstairs and I heard one of them walking across the house to get a drink or something. Someone was underneath my room and possibly heading to my door to come upstairs and see what I was doing or see if I was still awake. It was early and no one knew I'd went to bed. As Sally sucked me in I tried to keep myself prepared to say the two simple words, "Bad time". If anyone came upstairs they'd understand what kind of state I was in after hearing those words and would quickly leave me alone. I could depend on those words if I could only remember them, if I didn't then this trip would quickly get even more bizarre than salvia usually is for me. Turned out that no one was interested in what I was doing, nobody came upstairs, and I was quickly heading into Sally's dimension.

Everything faded out accept me and the blanket on top of me, then the mattress rippled and folded. Then I realized I'd become a wheel on one of three angles on a large triangle conveyor belt. The belt was black, the rollers were black, everything was black matter that I somehow was seeing on top of a dark background. It was like if you could see shadows even in pitch black. I was seeing outlines of black on black. After watching this for a minute or so I felt myself then being transformed into part of the moving belt rather than the mechanism moving the thing. I knew I was going to go around the wheel once completely then I'd become flat and move along to the next corner. That never happened though, my trip around the wheel made a blackout effect before it all faded away.

I was left with the classic, "wtf was that and where does it come from" feeling Sally gives me.... but I do believe in her teaching abilities and she was probably trying to tell me something... maybe to "get off the wheel!"

I put an unmeasured amount of salvinorin-a enhanced leaf in a pipe and took two or three big hits while sitting in my chair. Smoked. Suddenly I was in another dimension. Was thinking of my family, but my Mom especially who passed away almost two years ago. I saw a mailbox and the driveway of my old childhood home. A voice said "You can't go home." I said "Yes, I can." I started trying to pull my consciousness into the driveway past the mailbox, and it wasn't working. I became aware that I had moved within the "reality" I had exited (or came from), but I didn't know how. I continued to try to pull my consciousness into the driveway past the mailbox. Then I started to become aware of what I had done in "this reality". I had exited the chair and plopped my butt down on a cooking pot that was on a foot stool near my bed which was left there from the last migraine headache I expected to puke from. I was still mostly in the Salvia dimension though, and still wanted to go home so I kept trying to pull inward past the mailbox into the driveway. As the everyday reality started to reestablish itself it seemed like my left eye was trying to close my right eye and exit my head.

It wore off as my mind said to itself "Yea, I get the point."


My interpretation of this trip is that Sally was showing me and telling me that trying to go back to my past and improve upon it would be an unrewarding mission, and that if I have any kind of future to look forward to it would be elsewhere. I have to be at peace with my mother's death and find a way to lay a better foundation for a better future. Going backwards just means re-experiencing everything that put me down and held me back for so long.

Salvia makes for some very bizarre trips. Definitely not a party drug. Going for a breakthrough with salvia tends to mean I'm willing to experience a rough test and learn a hard lesson from struggling with visions I'm not yet ready to understand so easily, at least for me.

Maybe eating 60 fresh rolled up leaves is more productive than smoking this stuff, but I still went to school smoking this. Maybe next time I will try eating fresh leaves, but I haven't grown my own Salvia in years. I feel like the Sally likes me, but knows I need to learn a harsh lesson. People have crashed through windows after smoking salvia... I'd say don't mess with it without someone there. I was alone and lucky. I think I need to incorporate my knowledge into life more so than I need to use salvia regularly. It was not fun, but I'm thankful for having experienced it.

Trip Report:

It was 2004 or 2005 around Christmas and New Years. I had made concentrated tea out of 77 dry grams of Peruvian Torch cactus ( Trichocereus peruvianus / Echinopsis peruviana ). It was a trip acquiring the stuff because I wired a Western Union to a friend in Peru to get it from it’s source. I knew I was either gonna be in big trouble for trying to import something containing an illegal molecule or I was gonna be able to live more of my life. So once I realized the stuff was successfully imported and came through customs to make it’s way into my hands without getting my door kicked in with an invitation to live in prison… I was glad I took the initiative to give myself the right to try. To try at life.

When I realized I had successfully dosed myself properly, it was because of what I was visualizing and what I heard. A sword came into my vision and then became several swords, spread out to show that they were sharp and potent. The sharp potent swords shined and became colorful. As my mind identified the vision to mean sharp, potent, and colorful… the swords became crayons. At first there was one crayon to represent each general color, but then everything multiplied to show what seemed like more colors than humans generally see. In my head I was flying with a bird’s eye view of beautiful landscapes and natural scenery. A song began to play that I recognized, only this time it was as complete and ongoing as the first time I discovered the song. There was no point in picking up an instrument to partly play along with all the completeness going on in my head. It was complete. There was no need to do it an injustice by trying to take it apart piece by piece and subject it to what limited opportunities I had for it outside of myself.

I went outside in the snow. There were Christmas lights outside on the porch of the northern Maine house. Colorful and fitting. My song continued as I walked around having a smoke and participating with the song. Whoever’s song it was, it was surely a good complete song that anyone would be happy to have. The melody suggested itself as expression, language, math, science, design, law and order. When I got done chilling outside in the snow, I went back inside.

Inside in my bedroom, everything about the journey turned to frequencies. Ascending, descending, rising, falling, highs, lows, and in between. It was like a stretch and a test of myself. What was I at my highest and lowest? What was I if I was neutralized? What was I half way in between? What was I inside out and backwards? What was I when locked up and what was I when I was free? What was this song? What was any of it? What is life and what is it for? I felt stretched out and wanted to say something about it. I picked up a pen and notebook and started writing. I realized my writing was taking place within the context of the melody of the song, it’s rhythm, it’s logic, it’s method to madness, it’s language, expression, it’s rhyme and reason, and it’s law and order.

So now the song is complete and has words. And that’s not the only one. No one is aware of what I have completed. As far as who I’ve played music with in the past, one of them sums up what I do as being “worthless shitty gibberish poetry” and the other “sees no evidence that I have done any work on my music.” So that sums up why it’s my music I’d like to share and am not in the proper place to share it. I gave them the cactus molecule in a more extracted and purified form shortly after, but the convenience of that never amounted to them taking it as seriously as I have.

I’ve grown to accept that I’m supposed to have a higher opinion of myself than those around me do or permit me to. I’m not normal, and as many times as they’ve summed that up as bad, I know it aint all bad and it contains more music than they’ve ever tampered with themselves. I’ve realized in the past 17 years since that only a full emancipation would have me in a proper place to unfold the opening of my art, which is not all music but a lot of it is. What it all is though is logic. I do not believe in being a shrewd businessman, nor do I believe in playing the lottery or scratching scratch tickets. I got that itch too though. The one that you know.

Whether or not the pen is mightier than the sword, there’s no denying that the word sword and “words” both have the same letters.

Trip report : 80 milligrams of N,N-Dimethyltryptamine freebase : Keyhole

After a 20 minute meditating session I opened my eyes and looked at the purple amethyst crystal I had in my hand. As ready as I would ever be in the moment I hit the pipe twice, holding it all in. I had been in a bit of a funk recently just being depressed and feeling hopeless like I was a failure in life even if I meant well. Too hard on myself for mistakes and probably failing to take any pride in my true intentions because I had been listening to the wrong suggestions. It came on like I was in between worlds. I saw something in the distance that approached me and got closer. It was a keyhole. Like a keyhole to an old large skeleton key. I looked through the keyhole. I saw humanoid beings on the other side of the keyhole. They were looking at and observing me. They seemed to know me. They seemed concerned. They seemed to care and want me to hope more. I felt ashamed. I was in darkness and they were in the light. I had done wrong and they were alright. Why would they care about me? They seemed to react like they were feeling my feelings. How could I live up to what was hoped for after the mistakes I had made in life? Why would illuminated entities want to forgive me for being a failure? My head dropped to my chest. I was so sorry. Felt like all I could ever do was let people down and let myself down. Like a force I couldn’t say no to… my head lifted. It fell back down. I was ashamed. I was loathing myself. Again with the automatic head lift. “Keep your chin up” they said without words. I felt I wasn’t worth it so my head dropped again. “Lift your chin up!” My head lifted as I couldn’t say no. They were in charge of me at this moment. I had to accept that I knew less and they knew more. “You don’t know yourself. Get your chin up.” It was serious and solemn. It was like being told that the only thing I could do to let some people down in this world was if I lost all respect for myself, felt ashamed, and gave up. I felt more so like holding my head up to please them but I still didn’t understand why they felt I was important. What could I ever do that mattered? Why would they care? Even if I kept my head held up I couldn’t do anything valuable with my life. I had nothing to give. I was thinking all this without words and they heard every part of it. Directly in my head they said “What you have to give is yourself. Without you realizing that this is all going to fall apart in ways it was never meant to.” I said I was sorry for not being good enough. I tried to please them by not dropping my head again but that continued to be what repeated. And it continued to be them on the other side of the keyhole that demanded I lift my head and become clarified to the fact that I had value I hadn’t realized yet. I knew my potential had value but I couldn’t realize that potential. My potential I felt had potency but myself as a person was a wreck in life. I was always nervous and depressed. I never sufficiently nurtured a valuable relationship in life. I felt like I was a burden on people. I didn’t make enough money to own a home and I had no hope in doing so. Directly to my mind they said “That’s not important right now. What’s important is that you love yourself. Shit happens. Most people have mistakes they’ve made and you have such a large conscience that you beat yourself up like you don’t deserve a second chance even from yourself. We love you. Your family loves you. You have problems. Your family has problems. Pretty much everyone has problems and that’s always the case. We could use your help when you heal. Please heal. Please work on shaking this dust off because you have always been worth it. You weren’t really given the assistance you needed and you fell through. This started when you were just a kid. You could have used better help with all of that and you’re not done growing.” My head fell once more like I was sorry I was making anyone want to be nicer to me than I deserved. One more time like someone was lifting my chin from the other side of this keyhole my head was raised. “We care because you are important. A key player in the most important of games if you return to your true self. We are not patronizing you and this is as real as it gets.” My head stayed put lifted up and facing straight ahead looking through the keyhole as the term ‘future’ crossed my mind. I had to start being timeless instead of feeling everything was too late. I had to start nurturing the present moment instead of feeling the blemish of the past ruined me for life. I had to listen to the message. I had to know that this experience was real. As I came to terms with knowing that the entities on the other side of the keyhole seemed more content with a bit of progress being made. It was time to say goodbye, for now, and know that I was given a message of hope. So maybe part of my life was messed up. It wasn’t completely broken and it could have been worse. Maybe they knew I’d be surprised with how much of a comeback I could make later, which would all start with what begins when I hold my head up for myself and get involved in what I mean with my life and my true intentions. The keyhole entities wished me farewell for now like they knew they’d be seeing me again.

Drug? Hallucination? Oh come on. This is the only type of experience that was going to help me get the message I needed to clean up, grow up, know what I am and how to be myself in ways that I wouldn’t feel ruined by the past while lacking hope for my future starting with nurturing myself in the present moment. I needed this. This was a psychedelic alkaloid I extracted from roots of a tree I imported from South America. It wasn’t party time. It wasn’t foolish and reckless. This was an aid to my maturation. This was very powerful. This was very illegal and nowadays I seek to point out the irony more so than be paranoid about getting in trouble. These are the kinds of experiences that helped me accumulate some momentum and grow through understanding. It was gonna be a handful more years before I’d become more fully functional in my adulthood, but it’s all a path. It was an important part of the aid I needed. I am thankful. I don’t want any trouble. I want to be the best person I can be. These are the reasonings that stick with me throughout all these experiences; meaning in life and it’s psychedelic nature; with and without any sort of medicine. The journey continues. I feel like this spirit molecule planted seeds of self-forgiveness and the willingness to raise my head, stand up, and give everything my best try. The visions faded but the impact remains forever. I cried dry.

Trip Report : 2 milligrams Salvinorin-A : Pez Dispenser

Ready to try something that could be difficult, I inhaled 2mg of Salvinorin-A deeply. I immediately felt a force on the roof of my mouth. Like something was trying to pry open my jaw. I bit scary but there was no turning back. It was like what they call Vishuddha, the throat chakra, circulating and trying to open my mouth for what would eventually start coming out. They say the throat chakra is responsible for communication, self-expression, and the ability to speak our personal truth. It was however a difficult process to begin for me. If I was ever going to say what I had in the depths of me it would take more bravery on my part as well as feeling more secure in doing so. But the pressure on my jaw felt like a wheel or gear, and a force beyond just my own. Like I said, scary at the time as the sensation was like it would physically break my head open. But that was just it. The whole trip was a struggle to know how much nature was involved in me opening my mouth for what eventually had to come out. Dark forces were part of it but I still align more with the concept of it being more of God than of the devil. And even if it was hell to go through I feel it had it’s reasons. No pain no gain maybe. So as this force worked it’s gear to pry open my mouth, there was not yet anything coming out of that mouth. It wasn’t ready yet. It was just preparation in anticipation. The thought occurred to me that Salvia is not for everyone. It’s too powerful. Proven to be dangerous to people who think it is to be fooled around with. It also occurred to me that I had become Salvia’s Pez Dispenser, yet salvia was not the ingredient in the Pez it was being suggested I share. So here I am sharing some of my experiences, knowing that I’d be happy to hand out cannabis gummy worms to adult trick or treaters but I would not share my Salvia. The point would be to share some of what comes out of the mouth it helped open. It also occurs to me that maybe there are different flavors of Pez that are more suitable to more different people, some of which just being candy. So let’s brush our teeth.