....or: antrocles' perfect day....
i'm going to apologize in advance if there's a little T.M.I. in the recanting of this....it's purely for the sake of painting a "complete" picture of awesomeness.
about 3 days ago- i KNEW today's breakthrough was coming....the feeling then was a little bit jittery with excitement. today....i've never been so calm....
so- to lay it all out for you....
yesterday (the 26th) was my birthday. i awoke to a pancake breakfast and sweet lovemaking with my love, ms. munki. off i then go to do a 2 hour workout, a coaching session with a promising client and a lovely lunch at the restaurant where ms. munki hostesses....
straight back home and my dear friend neuronaut comes over to do some "work". his breakthrough is beautiful to watch as i sit patiently in service of my fellow explorer. after his return and subsequent debrief he goes on his way and i head into my bedroom for a visit to church i've been looking forward to all morning...
now- to be fair- i have to first say the day before my birthday i had taken a HUGE breakthrough dose (.05....i EASILY breakthrough on .025). i went so incredibly deep...was reconstructed and in the process a piece was left out.....
....the fear....
i have absolutely no fear. i wasn't aware that i had any before to be honest....i've never had anything but positive journeys from day one....but now....now...everything is different. there is a calm within me and a desire to go as deep as i can go without the slightest hint of trepidation. that super deep breakthrough was so profound...
i load up .06 and lay in meditation...
it's time. i go.
in two deep breaths i have twice the amount of spice i need to breakthrough.....i am dead. i couldn't be more ecstatic. the worlds i visit, the creatures i meet..the people.
yes..people. straight up angels. people i have seen before....my father....i am in a place of creation. it looks like a world made of clouds and they are pregnant with a blinding light i can look directly at. actually....i can't NOT look at this light. elves, creatures, friends, beings....all are coming to me wishing me a happy birthday!! one angel HUGS ME!!! and points to the sky to show me the entire cosmos as a blueprint of how it looked at the moment of my birth into the density. i am crying in this place....like my soul is being wrung out....like the deepest stretch...orgasmic....of my very soul.
as i am leaving i am told, outright, to return at night. i will be shown my true name.
i have the most insane level of tranquility all day after this experience.... i get taken out to frozen yogurt, have dinner bought for me, make love again.....it's now 8pm. it's dark outside. i've never been so clear....
i go into the kitchen and heat up a giant mug of STRONG caapi tea (this has been cooked down and is ayahuasca-strength cappi brew). the minute it's all in me, i jump into the car and ms. munki and i head for the coast. north of malibu to a remote private beach that is completely empty....what better place to be reborn than the womb of gaia herself?
it takes 40 minutes from my home to get here and the minute we pull up i am trembling from the caapi's power. i'm so inhibited....the very word DMT makes me start to go...and if that's the case...
...then what is this .07 dose of spice in this pipe gonna do?
the entire drive out i am so calm....i've actually never been so calm without being about to fall asleep ever. this is a combination of the caapi spirit guiding my "graduation" and the fact that my very soul has come to a point of recognizing that it can NEVER be destroyed..
IT IS ONLY TO THE EXTENT THAT WE ARE WILLING TO EXPOSE OURSELVES OVER AND OVER AGAIN TO ANNIHILATION THAT WE DISCOVER THAT PART OF OURSELVES THAT IS INDESTRUCTIBLE.
the way soul saw it- i've been taking breakthrough doses of DMT almost daily for the past year. i have gone as deep as i wanted to go....and a few times even deeper than that.....and every time i just learned how to surrender that much more and be shown that much more. always positive. always deeply enriching. my year of study was done...
....it was time to graduate. they told me as much.
i didn't even take a moment to meditate. i was walking like a robot under the control of something greater than myself. an intent and clarity that instilled peace beyond peace within my very soul. ms. munki waited in the car for me....this was my journey to take alone. she watched me as i walked into the darkness of the coastline and out of this plane of consciousness.
bundled from the cold....towel laid against the sand...LOADED vg in hand....i looked up at the stars and moon with the peace of a man who has already accepted his fate...whatever it might turn out to be. the tide a forceful explosion of life and cosmic connection. i looked at the moon one last time.
"it's my birthday", i said without attachment. the moon smiled at me as i lit the torch.
i was being shot from a canon as i forced the final hit to get every drop of transformation into my lungs. i left everything. the ultimate "travel light" scenario...
the web began....all living creatures...ALL of them. people, animals, plants....GAIA..the great web of all that is. i saw my place in this. so incalculably small and yet so irreplaceable. as much a part of it all as the unknowing nothingness that connected it all... i was shown great mysteries and kept in hyperspace for almost 45 minutes. the caapi squeezing me like a lover on a cold night. i've never felt a connectedness like this....this is something more. i'm ready to know my true name.
there is a part of me....the god part....the "observer eternal" that "remembered" my name and at the moment of rememberence, all things happened at once. the carrier wave that was SO strong and the crashing of the ocean that had no apparent rhythm with one another....synced. at the same time, the fabric of everything that i floated within formed a perfect sphere that was infinite in it's volume....which, too, created a sound...and this sound syned with the other two to create the name (or should i say, sound) of the oneness of all things.
my name.
my true name.
and in that moment i was told that i was the answer to any question i may have...i was reborn with the awareness of a newborn child. the bliss i felt then (and still do....i mean...it IS 3:15 in the morning over here!!) is immeasureable.
i drove home with my love listening to me going into great detail of my journey. she took me out to frozen yogurt AGAIN just to let me keep rambling! i have no fear now. none. it is utterly gone. something profound has shifted for me.....i've never felt so alive!
....came home and told my brother about my journey....about 10:30pm a this point. he decides that we should celebrate by going to the 11:20pm showing of AVATAR 3D...which we do (yes, that's round 3 for me and it was more beautiful than ever!)...
bowl of cereal....type this report with a smile on the face the entire time....and THAT'S what i would call a "perfect day".
MUCH LOVE AND GRATITUDE TO YOU ALL!!!
"Rise above the illusion of time and you will have tomorrow's
wisdom today."