Hello all,
When I was 15 I started smoking marijuana, I became infatuated. My infatuation died over a long time, but in those early days I would have said that what I liked about it was that it made things and activities better, but over time I've realized that really what marijuana did was initiate me onto a path of spirituality and self-discovery and self-actualization that, even now 17 years later, I'm still working towards.
That same year, or maybe the year after that, I tried mushrooms for the first time. I ate an eighth and had a really wonderful time. Sometime later, maybe 6 months later, I managed to get my hands on mushrooms again, this time 7 grams. Up to this point, mushrooms were still just another way to get loaded, same as marijuana, even though I had some visuals on that first trip, I didn't really understand the gravity of the power of mushrooms. I should point out, I really didn't even know what a psychedelic was, I probably had heard the word before, but I was really very ignorant. Like I said, to me, it was just another way to get 'messed up'. So that day I ate half the mushrooms, roughly 3.5 grams (because I didn't weigh things out back then, I just blindly flew into whatever came my way), but they were taking so long to come on, that I got annoyed and ate the rest of the bag. Within some time I felt things coming on really intensely, but still I was totally ignorant of what I had just done to myself. I asked to be dropped off home, went home, went onto my balcony, sat on a chair and started smoking some weed. Within 10 minutes the sky turned purple, trees shifted colors, and I realized something really special was happening. I don't remember too much from that night, I never took notes, but what I do remember was the trip being so insanely strong, for a really long part of the trip I had no sense of myself as a human being. I didn't know who I was, what I was. And these insane images were popping into my head. One very distinct super weird image I still remember to this day is that of two fingers going up my nose and sticking into my brain. Like someone had grabbed my brain like a bowling ball threw the holes that were my nostrils. Weird, still makes no sense to me. When I was coming down, I felt myself being reborn, because my memories started coming back to me, and as they came back it felt like being reborn. I remember feeling utterly astounded. It was a really awesome trip honestly, but I think the great lessons were lost on me, because in those days the ritual for me surrounded getting high and listening to music. So I think the content of the trip focused mostly around the music I was listening to. No lie, I started listening to the Dark Side of the Moon album at the very start of the peak, and that was the very first time I ever heard Pink Floyd. Before that trip I didn't even really know who Pink Floyd was, haha. Needless to say, I've never really gotten over my love of Pink Floyd since that night.
Sometime later I tried LSD and that too opened my eyes further. But it was still very superficial, meaning it didn't have these crazy impacts on me. A lot of stuff like "Oh cool look at those lights moving". Also Id have these sudden realizations about different aspects of reality and it was super exciting, but I can't even really remember any of them. I've since come to the conclusion that some of the realizations we have on psychedelics happen on a subconscious level, and we're able to feel those realizations viscerally because our ego has softened, but that once the ego is back the subconscious goes back to what it does best, running things in the background.
I sometime later tried mescaline, and I remember thinking that I had tapped into some Aztecian consciousness, but mescaline seemed way more visual than anything. I tried salvia the same summer, and I had really terrifying experiences, I have never smoked it again.
There was a summer I went through a whole sheet of LSD, I was playing in a band, it was an incredible time.
And then I got acquainted with 4 ACO DMT. I think 4aco was the first time I really felt like I was being given a message. It made me think about my life critically, it made me question things, but still I never went far enough with it. There was something there, something I had to do, but I didn't know what it was, I just needed to push myself further.
At some point I put the drugs away, and stayed sober for a long time, but there was always something that kept my heart attached to psychedelics. Like my soul wasn't done with them.
After 5 year of sobriety, I finally smoked marijuana again. And it ended up being an incredibly psychedelic experience in the truest sense of that word, mind manifesting. It showed me how everything, the drugs, the friends, the actions I took in life, were all a result of feelings I had bottled up about my upbringing. It showed me that I had habits x because of events y, that I had certain kinds of emotional scars that I never bothered to sit down and work out, and because of that it was like my soul was shattered, and I needed to give myself time to work through things and forgive myself. Sometime later I took a light dose of mushrooms, and this time the mushrooms really showed themselves to me. Like there is some spirit inside of them, and the spirit just wants you to be your best self, and that in order to reach that best self I needed to one by one confront and untangle all the events that caused me pain. Terence McKenna talked about Vegetable Television, when recounting his experiences at La Chorrera. For me, this was Vegetable Psychotherapy.
How does the DMT Nexus figure into all of this? Throughout the years, I had heard about Ayahuasca, I had heard about DMT, but I always wrote it off as "oh that's going too far" or "that sounds too crazy", or that it was too hard to bother trying to attain. I did nothing but viciously judge the molecule. I had a blinder on my eyes so serious it took many many many years to finally allow myself to understand what DMT really was. After that most recent mushroom trip, I started to really grapple with this idea that the reason why my heart, my core self, always sought out the psychedelic experience was because on some very basic level my subconscious understood that there was something important for me there, some lesson that I need to take away. Once I accepted that idea, and it became real to me, I started actually reading about DMT, in a serious way. Up to that point I had maybe read some teks, and I had seen that Spirit Molecule doc, and a few other things, but it was at that point I really went at it. I really wanted to understand this thing, and I wanted to try it, because maybe the healing I was looking for was inside of this.
So this brings us more or less to the present. I've been experimenting, and hopefully in the coming weeks I can share my experiences with you all.
I include my history mostly as a "here these are my bona fides" so you all understand where it is I'm coming from.
Why do I want to join the Nexus, and be a member?
I could very easily continue my spiritual journey alone, in my place of peace and quiet, and let the lessons serve my life. But I've always wanted and wished that I could have people around me who felt the same way, who saw this reality the way I saw it. I'm now married and I have a child, and it's hard to meet people anymore. I have a great desire to share thoughts and ideas with like minded folks, and as my DMT journeys progressed I found myself reading more and more on this forum, running into posts written by clearly intelligent and logically thinking people, people who really wanted to understand this in a serious, deliberate, and disciplined manner. I want to be a part of that community, to learn and to impart my own knowledge. I want the Nexus to be my online home.
Thank you kindly for spending your time reading my wall of text. Sorry about that, my stuff is always a little long winded, my b.
TLDR: I've done a whole lot of drugs, and DMT is pretty cool, so pretty please can I be a member guyz? /s