I'm no stranger to psychedelics, aside from a few doses of 5-MEO-DMT i have take every psychedelic known to man more than one time. DMX, LSD, Mushrooms, 2c-X, Mescalin; you name it i have probably done it more than once.

The last time i did 5-meo-dmt it kind of scared me. It was a small done and as i exhaled the freebased smoke i got turned in side out. Like i was a glass of water the got pored out with the exhale. TBH it was probably only a "stage one" trip, if that. But it left me with an impression that have lasted for well over 10 years.

I have always struggled with depression. I've smoked pot daily for over 15 years. Tho 5 years prior the depression i didn't smoke, nor for the last 3 years or so. Still i might even feel worse now, than when i quit pot 3 or so years ago.

I have been threw a number of docs and psychs and even more meds. Nothing seem to help. Some help for a few weeks most not at all, a few compounds have even started out helping but a mount or two in to the treatment i was way worse of than to begin with.

I'm no stranger to feeling low. The fact is that it have been this way sense my early teens. Today I'm well it to my thirties some might even say I'm pushing my forties. So for well over half my life i have struggled with suicidal thoughts and at the same time fighting for a reason to live.

I have well over a decade of therapy under my belt and have meet with 15+ therapists and psychiatrists and the outer titles you might think of. Still it was first when i gave up on therapy that i started to find hints of the path to recovery.

Even after all those years in therapy; driving about 200km every other week for over 10years not to mention the doctors fees on top of that. I'm still struggling with the same old question; is happiness possible for me?

you see I'm what's known as a pedophile. tho what people think of; and what i am are to vastly different things, or so i would like to believe. I would never force my self on any one, sexually or otherwise. I just happen to fall in love with girls that are still in their preteens. And the only times i truly felt alive are when i spent time with a girl that i have been in love with. To me it really doesn't matter if we're doing crafts, playing a game, coming up with a new dance, helping out with homework, or just hanging out / doing nothing; the only times i can think of then i have been happy are times like that.

I have been threw all kinds of therapy at this point. All of them equates to finding a way to be happy with out the prospect of ever finding a mate to share life with. I can't say i don't disagree with at statement.

For decades i have been wanting to go to the Amazons to experience a proper Ayahuasca treatment. But my mental illness have hindered me to keep a job for a more than a few mouths at a time. so saving up for approx 2kUSD for the trip have been near to impossible.

Trying out DMT as a therapeutic resource to finding a platform are probably my last resort. I'm tired of living a life alone, being hated over the one i fall in love with. Struggling to find harmony in the constant cognitive dissonance between the beauty i feel and dream of and what monster outer people seem to think what i am.

I'm not sure what i expect of joining here or by being so honest. the only things I'm sure of are that traditional medicine, and keeping lying to myself and others are not the way forward.

Welcome...heart wrenching story you have, but you are far from hopeless...there is so much more to life than finding a mate and all that hyped up nonsense. I personally am quite happy to be alone and to decide at each step how to spend my day for myself.

You are not depressed, you are merley distracted, distracted from the world that surrounds you. You have arms, head, and feet...so how can you feel wretched and ill fated? Around you there are dolphins, forests, oceans, mountains...You are not depressed, you are distracted, that is why you feel you have lost or missed out...which is impossible because everything was given to you. You didnt have to make an effort for a single hair on your head. And besides life never takes anything away, it only frees and aleviates you of things so that your can fly and sore higher.

From cradle to grave this life is but a lesson, pay attention dear

Go talk with mama Aya, but start with the lowest dose possible. Much love💓

You are expecting a lot here from the molecule. Chances that it complies with you expectations are not that huge. Just trying to be realistic here, sorry.

Dmt may help you, the same as mushrooms or cactus. These are the sacred medicines and they offer very unique powers. The question is whether they will. They give people what they need, not what they want when they are used as a medicine. Yes, dmt, psilocybin and mescaline can be used as recreational drugs too, but then they will hardly provide any real healing to anyone.

So the question is whether you can use them the right way...?