I'm unsure about the things I want to write, I guess I will introduce myself a bit, I have been seeking answers to our existence and this world for sometime now and things are making less sense by the day, I tell myself this world is real but I don't know any better, it was a month back that a friend of mine had helped me with DMT, prior to it I had not read or researched about it a lot but I thought I was ready to see whatever the spirit molecule wanted me to see, I smoke charas on a daily basis and smoking DMT in a pipe didn't feel as bad as I had imagined, I was also on the last phase of my acid trip when I smoked it , it was 5:30am and I was on the rooftop of my guesthouse overlooking the Himalayan mountains and almost as soon as I took the puff my vision had changed, I saw vibrant colours fill whatever was infront of me for a brief second before I lost all the senses that I had, I was nothing at this point in a place where there is nothing and soon I felt, not see, but felt that I was spinning fast, very very fast and dying and taking birth again, I was tearing through my own self again and again and again never stopping, with no memories or recollection of self, as soon as I could see I saw everything flash at me, gods, dicks, geometric pattern but now I could see myself as well and I was a swastika, dying and getting born again while rotating, tearing myself from the centre and my first thought was that this was a curse I'm in, that this was a cursed life where there is only death and unavoidable life sprouting from this death and that I'm all alone and now because I could see my own death I felt the pain and I was crying and shouting in pain of this wretched life, the painful cry got so loud that a friend of mine who was asleep(doesn't do or understand psychedelics) got very worried and started shaking me and calling my name, I came back into this world saw his face and zoned out again(it was only us at the time), but this time my trip was different, because it was a month ago, I don't remember it as detailed but I was surrounded by entities that looked like classic aliens, just that they were experimenting and not very interested in me or anything they were doing, things happened the details of which I don't remember very well but it wasn't scary anymore and after what felt like only sometime I was back again only to see my gf and my dog near me, I could see the energies inside their bodies for a brief couple of seconds before I zoned out again and this time was similar to the last time, bunch of alien entities and I was now trying to get their attention and there were others in this realm, people like me, the last 2 visions I had, I didn't give much thoughts onto it and hence I have poor recollection of what I had seen but the first one, I remember how badly I wanted to escape that feeling of loneliness, the cycle of birth and death in what feels like forever ,that, I had started imagining this world, I was manifesting this world to escape my loneliness and that's where I feel I need somebody to tell me that's not the case, that I'm not all alone in this world and imagining it, i told my gf that this was a beautiful world we live in during my trip but as I live more I feel like this is a curse, you and me are just the same consciousness in different times, stuck in this world forever, with just the voice in our head as our only eternal friend, I understood on my next acid trip that this curse/gift is everything psychedelics and psychedelics is everything.