I've been reading around here for a couple of months, started filling out the questionnaire and writing this essay on the same day. Got me wondering why I'm looking for this trip. This turned out to be a much longer thought process than I anticipated.
Two years ago, I turned 40. Most men my age buy a motorcycle or a sportscar. I retired, bought a skateboard, some cannabis seeds and some compost worms. I am a lifelong cannabis smoker and some my fondest memories and most memorable conversations have with my friends or my brothers, blazed. Maybe this is my midlife crisis, my attempt to recapture my youth. Maybe, but I like to think that it's because I am looking for more.
I don't know what I am looking for exactly. I know I didn't find it in stuff, or in my career. I don't feel empty or depressed. The best I can come up with is I know I have a question, but I don't know what it is, so I'm looking for something so I can fulfill what I am looking for. Or at least know what to ask.
Somewhere along the line I learned about Ayahuasca and DMT. Maybe this can help?
I've tried mushrooms and ecstasy when raving back in the 90's without really knowing what I was getting into. I would call the experiences mild, certainly nothing like what I've read and heard about when looking into DMT.
I have no knowledge of chemistry. Everything here is new an amazing. But I'm here, looking for something. I don't know what, but I'll know it when I know it.