This is my first time posting here, usually I'm just lurking and reading discussions. I would like to start out saying that my usual ingestion method is with a plain no nicotine 50/50 pg/vg solution with a baby beast tank. No temp control on this tank but wattage mode as been producing fine vapor with no harshness. Higher vg solutions ended in me burning my coils and spice. I usually pulse every few seconds for a few seconds while slowly inhaling to try to avoid any burning and it seems to be working fine. I figured this was important in case my method has anything to do with my experiences. My mixture also is from a mixed batch of mhrb/acrb so it has both nmt and dmt.
To start out, my trips are relatively interesting. I'm 99.9% sure I've only been in sub-breakthrough realm but I have had a few wtf experiences but they only really seem to be me gazing through windows instead of being fully immersed and non-self aware. I'm usually in too much of a trance to remember to take another hit or even open my eyes though. I do get pre-flight anxiety when the world starts to change, but usually I take a few deep breaths, calm and clear my mind, then try to push forward. Sometimes its easy, and sometimes my hands are too sweaty feeling or I can't really make out the button pushes so its impossible for me to go forward. That being said, below will be a bit more about my trips and feelings.
The good trips:
Sometimes I get visuals, sometimes not so much. Complex geometry, moving and rotating cogs with alien but completely familiar writing on them, unknown colors and the occasional entity like things I see and/or hear. I've had silent conversations where I would nod my head and be told to come back next time to their homes, I've had experiences with an entity that likes to make whipping noises and spit stuff into my mouth. There's a physical feeling to it similar in texture to fresh cut pineapple. This entity seems like he just wanted to share food with me. I've been shown slide show tunnels from an entity that likes to cut things like it's fruit ninja... almost as if to show me how wonderful it's precision is, but in this contact was some images of me walking to work from an over the shoulder view and behind me on my leg. I've actually had unknown cuts appear before but in different places and I always thought I got it from the boxes I would work with at my job. This kind of makes me wonder now if maybe I haven't been stalked before. Other experiences include seeing this complex box like thing folding into and out of itself, swirling voids and occasionally I'd see actual moving figures. More on this later as it's important to the latter reason as to why I've posted here.
Thoughts on life after these trips:
About the thought of stalking, I've always been an openly spiritual kind of person. I've always wanted to visit new worlds, see supernatural stuff and explore the unknown. thanks to the mind opening stuff that dmt does for me, I've remembered so many details I had forgotten about my past like this house that almost drew me in that has never existed in my home town. It felt out of the ordinary and I remember walking down the road and just feeling drawn into it, like it wanted me to walk into it and explore it. I recently revisited this location and there's nothing but old trees. I remember having experiences (most likely a dream) of taking different paths down my forest and walking into a recently populated but abandoned town. Fixated on very specific things, being drawn into them. Memories of long flowing hills, winding roads and a river where I met this unknown girl. To this day she's still waiting for me to return. But I never did. So many things start to make sense the more I've explored this substance and my vivid dreams and dream recall have been returning too, as if something that was blocked is no longer blocked.
The bad/uncomfortable trips:
1. There's been plenty of them. I always patiently observe them and let them pass, I know it will end and its something that maybe I needed to be shown. There's this entity that was rolling this geometric tapestry like wheel and chasing these kids. They were running from something and it was having a blast trying to run them over. I could only see their legs but at the end of this experience, the thing kind of looked at me, straightened its back and then waved at me telling me I should watch my posture then blasted me out of that trace and sure enough, I was super slouched over. Uncomfortable trip and super weird, getting advice from this thing.
2. Another really uncomfortable trip occurred during a swirling portal like experience and this is the most important bad trip. I was aware during it so I thought to take one last hit and take it further. For some reason the hit made me think of cotton then all of a sudden the swirling gates started to open into a white sensation that felt like...cotton? I don't remember much from it except for at the end of the trance, I fell back into bed was all "wtf" as I was confused as to what just happened. I felt a sense of relief and euphoria and for the first time ever, I subconsciously felt full of pride for having "survived." In this mix of emotions, I had some lingering fractals like usual when I reach the end of the intense parts of the trip. Sometimes they make me full of anxiety and sometimes they don't bother me. I know they will go away. But this time I got this sense of panic, and my heart started to race really fast. So I sat up, turned on my AC, and sat in the cool air while breathing in and out in a calm and relaxed manner. The panic attack ended as soon as the visuals went away. I almost feel like it was that entity or experience having the last laugh at me for being so full of pride. I always just think in my mind and stay mentally relaxed and just go with the flow. So I wasn't actually full of pride and wanting to be proud.
3. The latest trip I had was a bit uncomfortable and me testing the waters after a short break. A swirling portal opened up to an oddity of jerking movements on a phallic object. It would cut transition to a new scene of multiple things making these jerking movements. I am unsure if they were jerking to me, telling me to piss off, or if I just stumbled on a circle jerk. But it was awkward and it ended with something that looked like a stereotypical devil or jester. It was unclear what I saw but it jerked until the very end towards me.
Why I posted here and my concerns:
Usually at the end of my intense trips, I will have some usual lingering fractals for a minute or two. I know they always go away but sometimes these give me anxiety and sometimes they don't. I'm not sure if its just my altered mental state making me feel worried or if its subconsciously me being afraid they won't go away due to me reading about hppd and subconciously thinking it being worse than it really is. It could also be me working myself up because I see these things with my glasses off. But why this is important...
At the end of trip 2, I got worked up into a mini panic attack and this never occurred before. Mentally I was fine, thinking why am I over reacting like this, its fine, this is usual. My heart rate was just increasing really fast and I kicked into a flight or fight type feeling. So me, thinking casually, I just deep breathe and turn on my AC to distract myself into the soothing cool air. Worked like a charm. Later that night, I notice my visual snow is a little more intense. The more I clear my mind to sleep, the more I feel like I'm entering the dmt-like state of mind. The visuals turn into fractals and it ruined my sleep into hours at a time for about 2 days. I've always had visual snow ever since my vision started to get worse when I was younger so I know it wasn't the dmt causing the visual snow.
Later that day after the first night, I was browsing here and reddit for people with similar occurrences and stumbled on serotonin syndrome. I doubt that was my issue as I take dmt only in vape juice and don't use any other drugs aside from a multivitamin When reading this post about a guy who went to the doctor, as I was clearing my mind reading, I entered that heavy body feeling and all of a sudden boom, heart starts racing just like that night. So once more I deep breathe and manage to relax. This rapid heart increase from a deep uncontrollable scare didn't end up happening again but when I would feel body heavy, my heart felt like it was beating super heavy. After about 2-3 days I'm normal again. Sleeping fine and no weird occurrences or dmt-like feelings.
Decide to try it again a week later and that's when I had the uncomfortable trip 3. The end result with the lingering visuals at the end of the trip once more kicks me into a panic and raised my heart rate up super fast so I do the same thing in front of my AC and at least this time I didn't have the altered sleep and dmt-like feelings on clearing my mind and relaxing.
The end questions:
So I guess I'm just wondering if this is normal? I love the bad/uncomfortable trips just as much as the good freaky ones. Usually I feel there's something important to them but I am wondering if my issues are just the fact that I'm in sub-breakthrough land, the nmt, subconsciously scaring myself with the reading about serotonin syndrome and hppd, or maybe its all of the above? Has anyone else had post experiences like this? I've read that the sleep occurrences could be somewhat common, but I've not encountered anyone else having any of the other related issues. When I go into these experiences with the spice, I do so with a clear mind, no intent other than to go with the flow with my eyes/mind unclouded and be polite and courteous to any and all beings I may encounter. I often contemplate things after my trips and usually only cruise the waves for a couples times over a few hours once every week or two. Been at this starting with oral experiences for about half a year now and I prefer the vape method.