Thank you, intrepid fellow travellers. So many ideas! SWIM will be trying some of them soon.



She is familiar with shrooms. It has also been a strange encounter. 2g - nothing, just very weak CEV. 4g - a bit more intensive CEV, but not much more. 6g - colorful CEV, a sense of flying. Finally, 8g after more than a day of fasting and a bottle of concentrated cranberry juice - extremely terrifying/beautiful trip. It was a complete ego disintegration. The first 30-40 min were completely lost. Total blackout. Later came a feeling that the whole Universe dissolved into a homogeneous primordial soup. She was completely sure that she is dying and dying was not the scariest part of that journey. At some point her only thought was to get in touch with anybody to pass the message to the humanity to close that door forever. Later came the thought that every intelligent being should experience such a journey.

SWIM also has some experience with acid. Those trips, due to their long duration had some difficult and some absolutely beautiful parts. Until now acid was probably the most useful teacher for SWIM.

Strangely, DMT has always been very hostile to her. Once she had an absolutely beautiful journey with b.caapi alone, but as soon as she drank the mhrb tea an hour later things went very wrong. SWIM experienced the most powerful and primitive fear of abandonment. On her knees she begged the sitter to stay with her, or an least leave his dog with her. She completely freaked out. But the guy did not listen to her and just left. Strangely, she calmed down immediately after that.

SWIM's two most difficult trips were with the spice.

The first one was with pure spice. Right after the liftoff she met this undescribably evil alien creature that performed a bizzare sexual act whith what SWIM thought of as her soul.

The second one was with 6g of crude rue extract + smoked DMT. SWIM has read somewhere that after MAOI the onset of DMT is slower. Foolishly she stood up and heated the machine. The first big toke knocked her off of her feet. Luckily she stood close to her bed, so she managed to direct her ragdoll body there. Then came 2 hours of excruciating psychological torture. It felt as if she went through all the pain that every single human being experienced during the existence of humanity. She is still sure that if she could operate her body she would have committed suicide right there and then.

When the pain, fear and despair subsided, UNBELIEVABLE, but she picked up the machine with a lot of spice still there and got another lungful of spice. She plunged into another 1.5 hours of nightmare. Now after 2 years she has no explanation why she did that. A working hypothesis is that SWIM just could not believe that things could be THAT BAD and decided to check.

Every time SWIM launches into hyperspace the last coherent thought of dying ego is "You idiot! Why are you doing this to yourself? You know how painful it was and how painful it will be...".

More or less, that the whole story of her encounters with psychedelics.

i have been able to completely let go of fear..
i know simply that theres nothing to fear for it will never hurt me
i will ALWAYS be okay
another thing is we ARE in control of what it shows
like whenever you start getting scared it gets worse because it perpetuates itself
if i ever feel bad thoughts creeping in i think of love and beauty
how wonderful the experience is and how blessed i am to be alive in that moment
its to the point i never get scared anymore on high doses and certainly dont fear dmt it self.. its a very freeing thing because i can go as deep as i want and not worry! i know ill be okay and expect an amazing time and am always rewarded with such!

you are in control dont let fear get a clutch hold!

.
.
Rue certainly doesn't help. Caapi is much gentler. Don't give up on spice until you have felt her(Aya's) beauty and love and compassion. At the very least order some THH or Caapi Copy and use 15-25mg sublingually 15 minutes before your flight leaves.

That, or find some jimjam! Orangey/spice smell and smooooooooth liftoff like nothing in this world!


Namaste,

J
.
.

Trickster, it sounds like you may also be expanding your consciousness in such a way that it detects the wounds of the greater collective, human, planetary, or whatever. If you are sensitive to these energies, working with Aya may help to guide you through them--often, she envelopes the traveler in an overwhelming blanket of love.

Mimosa has an interesting character. I have had many sessions grossly in tune with all the animal suffering on the planet--hours of slaughter, over, and over, and over. I've been in forests as they were cut down, and felt it, in every corner of my being. Other people I know working with the medicine report similiar things. Another girl I've spoken with says she often sees babies, abandoned and crying children.

Once you get beyond your own personal pain (and there is a lot buried deep, I still get memories from infancy that surface from time to time), there is an even greater pain to embrace, acknowledge. That is part of the work that comes with the medicine, part of the healing we are challenged to embrace. The medicine definitely has a way of bringing voice to all the suffering in the world, and sometimes (IMO, with too little Caapi and too much admixture--Caapi always grounds terrifying experiences) the teachers shove the suffering right in your face.

Have you ever heard of Ho'oponopono? It is basically an ancient Hawaiian healing technique, where the entire universe exists in your mind, and all visible tragedies and catastrophies are outward manifestations of your own cancerous inner thought patterns. The way to release these thought patterns is to acknowledge them, and ask the divine/your higher self for forgiveness, reaffirm that you love yourself and those who are or inflicting suffering, and thank them.

Send everything your love!

Well said.



good advice! SWIM has had the horrific experience of killing another and feeling him die (slowly and painfully)on aya, only to find out the imagery was his own unconscious thoughts and feelings of the fear of death and dying. So he turned his thoughts to forgiveness and love. He was born anew and is better then ever.

Amazing!!! Well said, great advice. A new found respect.

Taking something that makes you feel good and then going on a strong DMT trip would probably break you out of the circle, as it would be hard to have a bad trip while on something that makes you feel good. I remember my second time with any psychedelic me and my friend split a very strong extract of hbwr seeds, and it was probably over 15 seeds each, 10 being a very strong dose for people with experience with psychodelics.
Fortanitly me and my friend also snorted some speed, and the whole trip was AMAZING. There wasn't even a comedown from the speed either. I felt amazing the whole time, and the next day I still felt amazing for the whole day.

You could try a feel good drug, wait for the effects, and then go on a strong DMT trip. Then from then on try to do DMT itself.

I wouldn't recomend snorting speed with a tryptamine psychedelic though unless you like heart attacks.

good thread, it has helped swim with a lot of questions and thoughts similar.
Thanks lots

peace

Advising somebody to snort speed before dissolving into hyperspace has got to be one of the dumbest and most disgusting things I've ever read on this forum !

Harmalas are a much better option in regards to synergistically smoothing out the explosive nature of the spice