so i start this off by saying, i began this journey about a year ago... i made my own dmt, this led to making my own
ayahuasca. this ayahuasca would work, but i dont like the sickness. so the system was then adapted to then become pharmahuasca style... which i much prefer.
since it gives no sickness / nausea etc and you can specifically control dosing. And this is key to me feeling comfortable, knowing how strong your dose is - gives me great peace of mind.
generally, i use harmala / harmaline / THH in a capsule. wait 40 min. then take 100mg DMT in a capsule. after an hour... i may have another 50-100mg depending on how i feel. This will be chugged down with grapefruit / orange juice etc. basically something acidic.
Ive had many successful experiences with this system, travelled across universes and many lifes at times, but when the chance came to go to peru and work with a shaman many of my friends rave about, i decided i would hop at the chance. my friends would always say theres nothing better than working with a good shaman. And this guy was supposed to be one of the best.
ok i thought. lets do this!
now, theres no question what this shaman does is amazing in terms of his craft and shipibo belief system he has built up over the years of learning etc. Hes super committed and works hard. Its clear the people around him lap up everything he does. he commands serious respect, and for good reason. i can see why.
however, in the end - i drank ayahuasca with him over the course of 5 ceremonys. sometimes having 3 full cups in a session. damn it is soooo gross. but i still managed to hold it down for atleast an hour or so before a purge. consequently however, i discovered over the week that all ceremonys had no effect on me... apart from the purge of sickness and at times a fever. nothing else came of it. i would feel slightly tired on the first cup and then the other cups would just make me feel more sick.
towards the third ceremony -
i mentioned to the shaman it wasn't working for me, to which he made a stronger brew for me the following day.
once again... no effect. i think even he was surprised.
frustratingly - people around me seemed to be getting results.
by the fifth ceremony, i wasnt really being sick anymore. it was just heavily sitting in my stomach and making me feel tired.
so, question is - if my pharmahuasca works a treat... why was this fresh, hand made ayahuasca from the jungles of peru not working on me. i seen them making it and they werent short changing the quantities of plant in the boiling pots. it looked like it should do the job.
many people said, if i stay longer it would work... but by the end of the fifth ceremony, i felt i had experienced enough hunger and sleepless nights for a while, packed up and headed back. and to be honest, it works for me back home and i can eat most foods i want without problem, instead of the veg dieta they have you on...
it was a burning question in my brain for the entire retreat... what is going on... why is it doing this... why did it reject me for journey? am i not holy enough? not pure enough...?
:-$
it was super flipping me out by day 6.
--- even with my own home made ayahuasca tea, it would work. but in peru... nada.
does anyone have any idea as to what (scientifically speaking) was going on here?
chemically was something at play? i have always made my liquid or powders with mimosa.
the shaman was using chacruna.
am super baffled.
thoughts?
thanks in advance
one step at a time...