Have you ever had the feeling of every cell in your body vibrating? What about the feeling of dread similar to the cool, sharp edge of death? Death followed by rebirthing yourself into the cosmic orgasm of life? This was a late saturday night for me, a night of surrender to an ancient visionary brew. It all began 45 minutes after ingesting the bitter, nine volt battery on the tongue, mud thick concoction. My legs became weak like a newborn calf. I understand surrender is the key to survival, but to give up the ego, is one of the hardest human experiences. To give up the ego, is to give in to death, my still naive mind cannot imagine life without itself. These fearful words are silenced by a very soothing motherly voice.
“Come to us we’ve been waiting”

This voice caused all worries to fade away and I opened my eyes to see the most brilliant of silver. Silver assimilating geometric patterns beyond human comprehension, fading and chasing my weak, trembling arm. Like a child observing the world for the first time, a child with a form of wanderlust reserved for only gods, a child discovering self awareness. I fall into a meditative trance, very similar to lucid dreaming and see only white electric roots appear in my peripherals. These roots opened up into a dead acacia tree. Falling into the tree, I was spit out onto a blood red, soil plain, that overpowered me with heat and thick air.
My amazement was quickly halted with the site of an African tribal warrior. Then two, then three, then four, eight, ten everywhere they appeared! Skin like bronze. Wearing earth tone paint and animal skin clothes. Wielding spears, bows and knives they attacked me. Such skilled warriors took their turns, appearing only to attack me, the intruder. During this I heard an angry voice saying.
“You’re not shit kid! and you do not know shit!”
Finally, when I gained courage I stood tall and said something along the lines of
“Stop!, I am a friend, I wish to know you.”

This was met with much care, and I was led back to an African village made entirely of mud and foliage. I was showered with intricate necklaces of bone, incomprehensible devices and information that is only limited by the bounds of language. I rushed back to consciousness. There, in the hand-me-down room of torn furniture, and stale air, I suddenly thought of a small citrus tree. I imagined a man walking straight past. This man knows nothing of his surroundings. This is our current primal state. I imagined Another man walking by flips over a leaf, observes the veins, and sees the connection between himself and the tree. This is our later transcendent evolutionary step. I suddenly become weak and sweaty, oh no, it must be the dreaded purge. I try making my way to the trash can. The heavy body load makes this very difficult. Like a worm trying to figure out how to use its newly sprouted legs. I purge and for a moment, become the puke. Warping back into my body, feeling like I just expelled all the worries and burdens of my life.

I lay down and close my eyes, before I know it, I feel the dream like state approaching again. The feeling of love towards a mother or father. Like a hug from a mother to a child Gracefully slipping into slumber. I see a dark room appear, each direction extends infinitely except for me, I am in the corner of the room. This corner also extends infinitely, perhaps this is how a fourth dimension works. A rectangle of white light appears and comes closer, I recognize this as my phone. I grab it and it instantly projects a complex geometric hologram intertwined with blues, greens and violets. On the phone screen is a super detailed layout of neural-pathways and multiple options.
Each option I select shoots me down a neural-pathway and shows me an alternate reality of life. Each option makes me have a playback of a life, an entire life projected into me at 1,000mph. I see myself grow old multiple times, making terrible mistakes and living miserably, living miserably making the right decisions.The more I care about losing myself the more myself becomes lost. I survived multiple lives. Lives consisting of attachments to multiple wives, children and friends who never existed. I lived just for them, as they did, solely just to exist. This was all good and dandy, but I was so rudely interrupted by the sound of my friend puking all over the floor.
The peak just ended and we decided to go outside. The outside air was cold and burned the nose, silence interrupted only by the wind rustling the moon lit trees. I stand up and stare into the sky, the stars shine so bright and connect together with brilliant silver lines. These lines formed into sacred geometry and then into cathedrals. I kept repeating “I understand sacred geometry! I finally did it! I cracked the code!”
The sky then started to pour knowledge onto me. Forcing itself onto my forehead, pushing me back into the ground, I had to sit down. At this point I was mentally and physically exhausted. I knew man and beast, I knew life and death, I knew countless lifetimes in just a few short hours. I slowly walked back inside trying to understand, how am I ever going to fit back in with society after witnessing such revelations and epiphanies? I slowly wandered to my previous chair and watched a live Tool concert. Never before have I fallen so deeply into music. Man turning emotion to sound, a witness of such organically orchestrated genius. I curled into a ball and began understanding everything, any question I had would quickly be answered. Although I knew some were inevitably wrong I truly learned perspective. I decided to try to sleep but every beat played by Tool sent an electric pulse down every nerve ending. I listened to Tool for hours unaware time was passing.
Morning came after a sleepless night. I cannot believe the profound experience I just had, but I realized, I have more questions than answers. Knowledge of nothing is the only certainty. I am lost with answers, lost within myself, lost within the world.