So i think i mentionted in some post before that i want to do the 5g heroic dose Terrence Mckenna suggests. But i also read, somewhere i dont remember where, some think that repeaded DMT use rewires the neuro transmitters in your brain and actually make shrooms more potent on lower doses. So i wanted to work myself up to 5g starting by 3g. I read on the internet that 3g should be somewhat equal to 180mu of LSD wich i tripped 2 times on by now. Well boy the 180mu LSD were nothing compared to the 3g. So i really wonder if it was a very potent strain, if my brain is rewired by DMT, or if im just very sensitive to shrooms.
However i better get started:
Set - setting
Male
27
183cm high
92kg weight
I was in a good mood and it was a beautiful sunny day. I was over at my moms house so she could tripsit me if things went wrong, but i told her to leave me alone until i ask for help. I only ate 1 light meal for breakfast (well brunch 12 o clock) and fasted the rest of the day.
My intentions where:
- where do i come from?
- what lives did i have before this?
- why did i choose this live, or wasnt it a choice?
Trip report:
At
17:00 i took the 3g of shrooms. They were weighted to i know that it was exactly 3 gramms. I went upside to a computer because i thought they werent gonna kick in for another hour or so. I wanted to look up some shroom related things before tripping. Only 10 minutes in and i felt extremly confused, i forgot what i was googling mid - sentences and stuff. So i rushed outside into the grden (my mom has a nice garden where no neighbours can look in out of their house. I laid down in the grass and talked a bit with my mom before she went indoors. She repeaditly suggested that i lay on a sun lounger but i just preffered laying into the grass, i wanted to be as near to nature as possible. Even not stoned i always lay in the grass so i dont really know if the repeaded suggesting was a hallucination or not.
At
17:10 i could see very sharp. I mean wow, why arent our eyes always that good, would'nt it help survival a lot? Maybe it's to exausting for the brain i will look that up some time. I tried to write down as much as possible but that didnt last very long, at 18:00 i stopped writing down the time and later on i lost the ability to write in total.
At
17:19 i felt a bodyhigh and was extremly dizzy when standing up. And around that time my CEV's started, they looked exactly like low dose DMT CEV's.
17:29 I've written down everything smells like shrooms. Actually that happened a few times later on, everytime before a new wave kicked in everything smelled/tasted like shrooms.
At
17:36 i've written down: "The entry is the terrific". To explain myself somewhat at that time i already felt extremly uneasy. I always do in the upcome of a psychedelic trip. But when i went trough the "entry" it normally gets better. I had some deeper thought about why that is and stuff, but most of it is unexplainable in english and/or does not contribute to the trip report
.
Directly beneath the "entry" note i've written "Loose everything" beneath that theres written "18:00 Loops". That is the last time notification that i've written down and from now on i just say how i remember thing can be that they didnt happen in that particualr order but i try to walk along a timeline as much as i can
.
I remember having some energy and walking. I figured the shrooms are gods and i was sure of it. It was one of those cosmic downlaods you get ony psychedelics. I also felt the presence of the shroom god for a brief moment. I needed to lay completly down in the grass and stay down as the trip became heavyer. I remember closing my eyes and goign into the same place i go when taking DMT. Not a full breaktrough but going into the "waiting room". So at 3g of golden teacher i actually passed out physicly a few times.
Once in between 2 trees where a stream of light shined trough i got a hallucination of a man of light standing there when seeing that light in the corner of my eye, but i saw it was imagination when i looked there directly. However things went heavy as i started to go back into the other world. I had an complety ego death experience as i started to forget everything. I didnt remember who i was or what existence itself is. I remember that on the other side i once saw that illuminati sign, you know the pyramide with the eye that are on dollar signs rotating to the left and forming a double helix behind it. I may add a crude picture of this sometime but not yet its late and i only want to write the report. The sign with the helix formed a room and i only remeber coming back. When i came back i was reborn extreme bliss filled me. When i opened my eyes the grass was moving like it was water.
Not long after i felt a terror and felt how i loose my mind again. I felt extremly uncomfortable and went to the other side. I died again, i forgot again who i was. That happened again and again and again. That was why i wrote down the "18:00 loop" note. at that time it already happened a few times and i dont know how often i died and was reborn. Somewhere on the paper i wrote down "1000 rebirth" i could'nt even fully write those 2 things down the last letter were just up and down strings. So however there was an endles cicle of "unconfomfortable ... anxiety/fear ... loosing all memory ... death ... some time existing bodyless ... rebirth ... coming back of memorys ... extreme bliss and happyness ... repeat"
In between those cycles i remember that i once got one question answered. The "why this live?" question. The answer was "why not?". I actually got that question answered on another trip and forgot about it, i feel that i somehow wasted a question with that, well hopefully i dont forget again
.
Once in an "alive" cycle i looked at the grass and there where eyes everywhere. I mean everything formed an eye that looked at me.
Then once i can remember closing my eyes and seeing 2 lizards looking at me. They had their hands/paws on their knees and observed me. I also sometimes saw neon coloured lizards rushing around me.
Once i felt how i was resisting somewhat, that builded up some terror. I remembered that you need to let go and laid myself on the back and just thought "take me" as in i give up. I was totally giving myself in with no regrets and everytime i did that the terror was gone. I was having thoughts as "there is no hell, wicked people after death will live in their own world and if they have evil thoughts their world will be evil. Just like my world and feelings right now are a reflection of what i do and think." In fact i had a lot of philosophycal thougths. I've written down "I love the live and the -----" and then i lost the ability to write as a death cicle was closing in. However like i said some lessons were teached to love live, love the experience, love the game, dont be negative etc...
If i would write down every single tought i had this would be a ten page essay so i try to tone down a bit
. I think i got the most imoprtant things.
However what bugs me is that i had a kind of cosmic dance in my rebirth/bliss moments. I would rhytmicly dance with my foot and move my eyes up and while they were looking as much upwards as they can they would go left - reight - left - right... While those dances occured i saw a kind of string going leftrightleftright like a wave. Did anyone had this experience before, or can link me to something similar? I never read something about that. I wonder what that was about.
And once thought more, i once written down "existence is confusing" cause one time on the other side, i was cicling trough some memorys of mine. I wondered if i can just jump back and forth in time but that didnt work. I didnt know why i should exist i feel good the way i am. Why would i want to live? That mkes no sence. In that cicle i remembered who i was and tried to jump to another live, but i could'nt. And even tough i remembered who i was i found it very confusing to exist, it didnt make sense.
One more thougth: Once i figured that i will always exist because it is impossible not to exist. Dont ask me for logic here it was again one of those cosmic download things where you KNOW how it is. You dont think or belief that way you KNOW. I think if you did psychedelics before you had one of these moments.
One more thing, once i felt like my upper and lower body were seperated and i could control them individualy, that felt extremly strange.
Sorry for all the once, once once, one more thing, one more thing. I've wrote most of those things down when i was already writing further down and then recalled those things. I cant put them into chronological order anyway i just know that those happened before the things further down.
So after dieng and getting reborn a 1000 times and the things in between, i needed to take a piss. I dont know what time it was at that moment but i guess at least 19:00. Because i was able to stand up again and that meant something. I remember that when i looked down to my feet it looked like i was stading on a roof. Everything was totally out of proportion. So i went to the bathroom laughed at my huge googli eyes in the mirror and somehow managed to sit down and relief myself.
I then went into the living room and my mom started to hear bob marley. I told her when things go down the river play BM he saved me a trip beforehand with his good vibrations
.
I felt the presence of my dead granpa and felt very sad cause i miss him. I noticed that there was a shroom wave incoming so i laid down on the couch. I wanted to hug the whole world but that didnt work i just hugged the sofa and a crocodile stuffed animal as my arms werent long enough for the whole world. I went to the other side once again with ego loss and everything. And before my rebirth cicle began i figured life out. "why would i be afraid of scary looking creatures" "because they propably can kill you or bite an arm of you" "but you still would have an experience so whats so bad abut that" ... "why would you go to work" "because you need money to survive" "but you can survive without money" "yes but you can buy extras and luxurys with money" "ah that can be a fun experience"
It was literally like that. In my head i talked like that with myself for some time.
After cominc back i remember having tears in my eyes, but i dont remember that i even cried. But i was reborn again well for the last time in the trip for that matter and felt extreme bliss again. I lied down and heard the music it felt very good. I began to feel so good it felt like i was having sex with my whole body. I cant describe this feeling the closesd thing i can relate to is sex. It just felt extremly good i good pulse after pulse trough my body it was like a 10 minute orgasm, just better. I felt like i was beeing rewarded for taking all those difficult lessons from that trip. In fact it was the most difficult trip i had to date.
Some time after that i felt that my granpa was in the room. I had a telepathic conversation with him (The kind of conversation dmt beeings have with you if you ever broke trough, its really hard to explain to somebody who never had a dmt breaktrough with other beeings talking to him telepathicly) that i miss him and stuff. I told him i wanted him to come back but he tolds me he misses us and waits on the other side. I didnt get full access to m brain back yet, so i could'nt understand why there was something like death. I didnt get the concept. However i was supposed to tell my mom that he misses her too and stuff but i could'nt talk at that point. It could of course just because of the drugs and be my imaginiation the whole thing, but i swear i felt him. There are more than one dead persons i love/miss but i felt him. Its hard to explain and you need to decide for yourself if it was a drug frenzy or a message from the ancestors.
I later told my mom about that and she beliefed me however. I told her it could ofcourse because of the drug but i told her i felt it and she really beliefed me.
So thats pretty much it. at
21:00 i slowly came down to normal. I still had slight CEV's the whole night and deep phylosophycal thougths, but nothing "special" from that point on.
Damn that took my longer than i wanted i hope i didnt made to many gramaticly errors i'm MAYBE going to look trough the text another day. I may also add a picture of me how i lie in the grass and of the pyramid eye double helic thing.
Good night volks, thats all.