Had another session this weekend. Usually I immediately write down my experiences to get the full range of memories, but it was late and I didn’t feel like it.
Took about 20 mg of harmalas and vaped about 25 mg, in two or three trips. As usual the first try irritated my lungs too much and I got muddled results. The second try however was a sort of breakthrough I guess.
It started out with the usual patterns, spinning, mandalas, etc. The chrysanthemum. Im also beginning to call this the “pre-portal area”. It usually is black with thousands of red/blue/green pinpoint lights forming the patterns or sometimes a room like area. For the first time Im beginning to notice the sound. I hear a loud high frequency peeping sound in both ears and also by what is now a pretty familiar sound. The problem is, I can barely describe it. It sounds a bit like multiple bells ringing softly but eerily clear in the distance. I heard it every time that evening and it sounded so familiar, though I cant remember hearing it ever before.
So usually I don’t get past the pre-portal area, after which the physical effects subside and I slip into an ayahuasca type of experience, because of the harmala’s. This time I felt I was more sensitive to the effect and felt myself breaking through the green/red dotted black area. It was an intensely white surrounding which is very hard to describe, mainly because it was hyper dimensional in nature, even more so than the pre portal area.
This was the first time that I had forgotten who I was and how I got there. There was only this area with or without walls, with a geometrical white object, or symbol that was there. Every attempt to describe it falls short due to its splendid and hyper dimensional nature. In fact it is almost impossible to recall the experience correctly because it doesn’t fit in a three dimensional mind. I can only remember the feelings and emotions correctly, one of beauty, amazement, understanding and how it made sense. It was multiple things all once, something vaguely resembling a Celtic knot, something with luminescent tentacles and more. There was also no time: I cannot remember a specific order of events, it all seemed to happen at once and that seemed very logical at the time. It might have lasted a second, it might have lasted an hour.
Then suddenly I heard myself breathe in the distance and remembered “myself” suddenly, Oh yeah I have a body somewhere out there. And then the feeling when I felt it slipping away, that I was losing all the information, the perception of how it really was. Leaving nothing but a shadowlike memory, a projection from this higher dimensional experience.
After this I slipped into the ayahuasca type of experience. First there were images of dark inca like things. I don’t remember much about it. Suddenly it was light again. I got impressive images of a crystal white world filled with geometric objects. They were sort of ordinary: collections of spheres spinning in patterns, cubes, and other solids. The world was spotless, untainted but seemed endless and void of any dynamics. The objects felt intelligent like, but very simple. There was a large hexagonal shaped portal above this world.
After that another white world, this time a bit vague, snow like. As if you were in a narrow ice cavern, halls of mirrors, walls shifting. There were beings there, humanoid but not human. Hulky dark ice figures. A face appeared. It said I was the chosen one. Disbelieving, I jokingly asked why. You’re someone we can work with. Vague hulky figures again moving about, but not much else.
Wanting more after that, I vaped another 20mg. This time things didn’t go so smooth. It was borderline bad trip actually (which has to happen sometime I had been guessing). It wasn’t so much the visuals or entities, but more the feeling I got from it. Disappointment or something.
I was in the pre-portal area again. Black with green/red led like dots that made out the room/area and familiar bells sounds. The room was impossible, a bit Escher like. My field of vision was very wide, almost 180 degree. There were two or three entities there. A big grin on their face and they had very mechanical movements with their arms, standing in one place. They felt as jester like figures. They seemed to be making fun of me, though I im not sure if it was them, of myself making the accusations. I can remember upon entering the room I thought/said, not this again. Why does it always have to be this room. The most annoying thing about the experience was the feeling that a true spiritual experience was far far away and this was only DMT. Only DMT. I kept hearing this or saying it myself. DMT, what is DMT? Did I use DMT? Oh right I used DMT. Or did I? Disappointment of some sort. Meanwhile the jesters annoyingly just kept spinning and moving there sticklike arms, grinning in silence in this room without possibilities. The first time I felt I didn’t want this experience.
Not much happened after that, I guess I opened my eyes at one point and shrugged it off. It did got me thinking, especially about the part that the room seemed familiar, like I had been there many times.
I got this idea in my head as a result. I seems very much that time and space are different of course, I think most of us have experienced that. But I got this uncanny feeling that when we connect to this place where time has no real meaning (and in turn connects to all that is possible) and we get this feeling of deja, recognition, that this is not just because we have been there before (and cannot remember it) in our own linear time.
It can also be because we will be there for the first time somewhere in the future. In some future. Even though we were just there. I know, a paradox straight from a strange movie plot concerning time travel. But I cannot get this idea out of my head, difficult as it might seem to explain/comprehend.
Sorry long report again, for those who like to read I guess
