I enjoy reading folk's posts, because it's always good to hear people's experiences, they help me to understand my own. I've seen a few that remind me of one of my initial experiences with the molecule, and that compels me to finally write about it, not quite as embarrassed as I have been in the past over it.
I think it was probably the second time I smoalked (the first being some 23 years prior,with synthesized DMT), and it was jungle spice fron MHRB, that I had this experience. Something very unexpected happened, and my reaction was one of instant panic and fear.
What I thought had been several DMT experiences in the recent past at that tine were actually with 5MEO-DMT, and while incredibly powerful-life changing, in fact as those were,5MEO is nothing like N,N-DMT in it's effects. My first experience with that molecule I literally thought I'd taken some kind of strange poison and killed myself after injecting (carelessly and recklessly) probably 50mgs. 5-MEO sucked me out of my body and deposited me into the void, nullified. This jungle spice left me intact while my world changed in the most astonishing way. I think it could have been one of the breakthrough trips to an entirely different realm that I've read about but never had. It was the closest to the classic DMT trip you encounter in the literature that I've had. I was astonished.
Sitting on the edge of the bed, I took in one big hit and held it in for as long as I could, intending to take in the proverbial three tokes. When I blew out the smoke, it was faceted, geometric, folding in and on itself-constantly rearranging. Each facet was colored in those iridescent oily tones you mention. I scooted back on the bed, wanting to be secure in it remembering how I'd lost control of my physical body on the 5MEO. Suddenly the sound of the air conditioner outside my room became something else,a distinct change in sound that seemed to be both of this earth and not of it. The part that was of this earth was the change in sound due to what felt like a pressure change in my ears, the part that wasn't disturbed the hell out of me, and I still don't fully know why, it just seemed threatening in it's strangeness. It became a "sound bridge"; rising in tone and volume until it was something totally different, overwhelming, and utterly alien-the "carrier wave".
There was no time to process any of this, the room was gone and I was on the verge of panic. I looked up at the ceiling, and it was no longer there, replaced by a strange, very two dimensional display if what I can only describe as changing tiles. A corporeal analogue that came to mind was of one of those hand held sliding tile puzzles, the little plastic ones that will havea picture to rearrange, or numbers to put in order or some such, but that is a pretty lame analogy. Later on, I saw the Shibipo tapestries, whose designs are brought back from this space and.which supposedly contain information from it, and was astonished at the likeness to what I saw, except in the DMT-space, it was quite animated. Every time one of the tiles "flipped" (how does something two-dimensional flip? Wha?) there was a weird blip sound, and they were constantly rearranging. I'm an avid amplifier worshiper, give me a guitar and vacuum tubes over keyboards and switches anyday-not a big fan of any electronic music but I've heard some since that approximates what I was hearing.
That was it for me, but not for the other one,heh. Suddenly, I felt crowded out, like the room was suddenly full of alien presences I could only perceive non-visually, but they were poking in from EVERYWHERE, pouring out of the spaces between the air, maybe an intrepid explorer like yourself can understand that. I got up and ran. Fiddling with the door to the room, I finally opened it and bolted out, down the hall and into the shower. I seemed to have left "them" in the room, and I was surely in the hallway, not some alien space. I got in the stall and turned the water on, with a cascade of feelings. I knew I was coming down and back in my reality and I was thankful, but at the same time rueful at the missed opportunity.
This is the first time, I think, that I've put this one down in any way. Since it happened, I've carried a little guilt and shame for being so freaked out by all that was going on, so much so as to miss what may have been a lifetime opportunity. I wasn't able to understand anything about this trip or my reaction to it. The 5MEO took me to the deepest part of godhead I had ever reached, allowing my pure consciousness to float in a black diamond sea, showing me the eternity of all that is, was, and will be. The DMT opened a dimensional door and let in all these child like impossible trickster-jesters into the room to screw with me.
Maybe, if I had not been mislead in the identity of the first molecule journeys, I may have been able to overcome the fear that gripped me, knowing that the strangeness WAS part of the DMT trip. I don't know. Since then though, I've been trying to get back there, or to a similar space, so I can find out what it's all about. It's taken a while to get to know N,N-DMT, there has been an accompanying trepidation to each time I've ingested it. But as I become to know it and the more I develop a relationship with it and a certain plant that holds it, that is slowly eroded and I become more familiar with the molecule. I hope that one day, I'll be able to have such an astonishing trip again in a safe place and just be able to lay back and enjoy the view.
Sine experientia nihil sufficienter sciri potest -Roger Bacon
*γνῶθι σεαυτόν*