Hello everyone!
Just wanted to share my first experience with you all. I must admit that the first time I heard about DMT I was skeptical. Then, I did lots and lots of research for over a year on the topic and became very interested. Finally, my curiosity reached its peak and yesterday was the first time I tried it
I went with Acacia Confusa (10g) and Syrian Rue (2g). Yes, I know this is not ayahuasca per se, but still
. Hardest I had ever tried was weed btw.
And so I drank rue, after 15-20 minutes felt somewhat stoned/drunk. When 30 min had passed, I took 5g of acacia tea. Not feeling anything particular after 30 min, I decided to drink the rest. Almost immediately I felt something coming up. Laid down, stared at ceiling and closed my eyes. And then it hit me hard.
At first, I had CEV's which felt amazing since I had never had them. I decided to open my eyes after a while and then the bad part begun. When I opened my eyes, I lost my vision (don't know how to better explain it), and the whole room was in white color- ceiling, walls, floor. I got paranoid and scared pretty fast for I could not tell dreaming realm apart from reality, it felt like I was dying, this feeling simply cant be put in words. It felt like my whole existence is being sucked sucked into nothingness, the void, the beginning and the end of all things. I lost all senses. Time did not exist. I became one with the void, one with the nothingness that follows after we die. I became THE void, THE nothingness. Nevertheless, I could feel one thing through it all- fear. Fear of being nothing for I wanted to matter. But I understood I don't. I wanted this all to just stop, I wanted to live again. I could not cross the barrier, I did not want to die.
Fear only grew and somehow, I don't remember how, I made my way to the kitchen and threw up in the garbage bin. When I was vomiting, it felt like the death itself climbed out of me, and life made its way in. It was such a liberating feeling. After that I returned to baseline very fast.
As scary as it was, I want to cross the barrier next time. I want to embrace it all. But I am so very afraid. It is true what they say, nothing can prepare you for this. Nothing. I thought I was brave and before taking it I told myself many times over and over again that what I am about to see and feel will not be real, but when you take it, you just can't tell the difference. No matter how prepared you think you are.
I am glad I had this experience and hope that someday I will go all the way. I must.